I'm looking for a Good Labial Crack

I got ahead of myself yesterday when I referenced a person I had yet to write about. I also can't believe I failed to mention one of the biggest characters I have met in some time I'll name Pathological. I use the word character because I am not sure if I met the real him or a composite of him.

On the Sunday of the Labour Day weekend, 15 of us got together to go wine touring in Kelowna (huge wine country up there). Course we had hired a van to drive us around as none of us are responsible enough to spit & drive. So we piled into 2 vans. One of which had a very young (21) hot blonde driver to which Dickhouse couldn't help admiring. Quick to his aid, as a good friend and wingman is, Pathological tells the hot driver that Dickhouse is a Google Earth Pilot...

Yes, a Google Earth Pilot. You know how Google Earth has photographs of pretty much everywhere on earth up to the minute.. well as the story goes, pilots fly all over to capture those moments for the web (and you thought it was satellite) and Dickhouse is one of them... I'm not sure if she didn't believe him either but I have to admit Pathological has a certain je ne sais quoi when he tells a story. Charisma doesn't quite sum it up perhaps convincing does.

Before I was introduced to him, I was informed of this tale he told the driver.. I was also told he likes to lie.... like all the time. Not lying as he puts it. As he puts it, girls don't want to hear about the boring marketing bla bla that you do on a daily basis. THIS, this is a conversation starter. You start off by telling someone you're a Google earth pilot and before you know it, you're engrossed in conversation... yes, it's gross.

For example Mr Profession told us he is a Chiropractic Gynecologist and we giggled. (may have been the wine). And he says.. I know! I know! everyone laughs but it is real.

"I studied down in California just recently moved back to Vancouver to open my own practice there" he explains.

He then he goes on to explain any objections you may have as he's heard it ALL before. This especially comes in handy when the girl at hand has her boyfriend standing there objecting to what Pathological is saying. WITHOUT flinching he can masterfully not only pull off this lie but you start to think you should make an appointment with him. It's a beautiful thing.

If you go through my friends on facebook (and oh YOU too could be one... ), you'll note he said he know me because we "met randomly in 2007: We worked together at a Chiropractic Gynecological Facility in San Diego". Felt so honoured to be part of the lie because let's face it, I LOOOOOVE a good story.

Course when I met the OBGYN on Saturday, my first instinct was to ask if he knew Pathological as I figured that was just a conversation starter.... course when I realized he REALLY was a doctor, I could not help myself from talking about my Hoo Ha for 20 minutes (yes, I keep bringing that up ... it too is a beautiful thing).

When I emailed Pathological to tell him of my amusing encounter, he asked me if I have developed my own fake profession... It's a delicate thing. You don't just make something up that would be totally believable but you create something kind of odd that makes the person think is she/he or isn't she/he? The more ostentatious the lie... the more likely the person will believe... But I had nothing. Not 2 minutes after hitting send I got this in my inbox:

"Highly suggest something like, "Lead Negotiator for NetJets." You work with Bombardier, Gulfstream, Lear, Honda, etc., to negotiate the lease/buy contracts for all of the aircraft in the fleet. Your dad was a pilot so you grew up around planes. And after attending Law School at UCLA you decided that you'd prefer to use your skills to negotiate contracts. You moved back to Vancouver since NetJets has an alliance connection to MillionAir at the YVR and it's an easy direct flight from Vancouver to all of the major manufacturers. Oh my god this rocks!"

I'm telling you this shit just rolls off his tongue... I have 3 weeks to get this story down with a straight face for his party. Course he'll be there helping the tale along... can't wait!