Merry Christmas

Why I won't touch children #1:

Was in church last night (yes, I go to church), and the alter boy was in what looked like immense pain. He was writhing around, holding himself. There were even times he'd drop to his knees to do whatever he could not to lose it completely... that is until he lost it completely which was right in the middle of a prayer where they held hands with other alter boys.... Ya, I don't think the guy to his right knew what happened.

Other then that Edmonchuk has been pretty low key. Went sledding yesterday. Managed to take the dog down for a couple of runs & he was pretty into it... that is until a human rolled over him & then you couldn't get him close to any of the sleds.

Tomorrow I'm off to Red Deer for the night..... Merry Christmas!

Twas the Night Before the Night Before....

So I'm in Edmonton... Ok, settle down... really, you need to contain yourselves. I know you are all flaming jealous of me because I travel to such distant and exotic locations such as Alberta.

It probably wouldn't have been so painful if I hadn't stayed out til 2 last night on my friend's stagette. It was fun. The pole dancing class was hilarious. I'm apparently a little awkward and all those years in ballet hadn't really paid off when I'm on my knees spread open, back arched & hand in my hair. It is just not a natural position... I don't care how hot that looks.

But you know you're in rough shape when every airport worker asks if you if you've either, ok or have been travelling from far away. My starbucks order was quite painful as speaking wasn't my forte... Although, the guy behind me (who I think was once a bobblehead) concurred that there were many fuzzy people running around the airport. (just hope none of them were my pilot).

Being bumped to first class rocks.... sitting in front of someone that didn't smell would have been better.

The Enabler

According to Brutally Honest, I'm the enabler. At least that were the first words out of her mouth when she woke up saturday morning or as I commonly refer to: Saturday Afternoon. Yes, what was supposed to be a low key evening turned into tieing one for the record books.

I started out at a couple of Christmas Gatherings. Was off in Burnaby to meet a new Fiancé and back into Kits to revisit "the girls". I did promise I'd have a drink with Andy as I have not seen him in quite some time so down to Yaggers I go. It's around here the story starts to become a little more interesting. I did a little text exchange w/ Brutally and found out they were at Glowbal & I figured I was on a party hopping spree, so why not stop by. I mentioned it to Dano I was heading out. He laughed & asked if I were going to Doolins. I said no, I'm going to Glowbal and THEN doolins.

And how right I was.

As Brutally so aptly wrote:
The Enabler let me talk her into going for one drink with her. Ya, like that has ever happened in the 10+ years we have known each other. I believe the line of the night may have been "what harm has ever come from us going for a drink or two". The answer should have been a resounding "LOTS!"

Why I'm Single....

Observation #1:

Friday night as I'm about to enter the Roxy (ok, an entire dissertation can be written about this bar but we'll save it), as I'm about to go into the Roxy, I see JJ being kicked out because he's too intoxicated..... great.

Granted it was a great moment for me because I love to see that my ex's are complete losers & it is pretty self assuring to see that others do as well. I mean it's the Roxy for crying out loud. Do you know how hard it is to be too drunk for THAT place?

I myself:
A: I've never been in there before midnight
B: I've never been in there before my 5th drink
C: I've never been in there without doing 5 shooters
D: I've never been in there and seen anyone sober.

Yea... it's one of those places. We all hate it and yet we all have stories about it.

side bar: not to mention I've seen people pull out viles of coke, give themselves a quick bump and continue on their way & HE gets escorted out.... sweet JJ... sweet.

THEN if that wasn't enough, Sunday afternoon I receive a text from Trainwreck
"Got out of drunk tank at 7am am sleeping talk later :-("

GEEEE... how'd I let THAT one get away????

So all in all, it was a red letter event for ex's this past weekend and a bit of an eye opener for me. I mean 2 ex's, 2 drunks, 2 guys that grew up on the west side in priviledged lifestyles. Both 6'2, both fair both with giant issues.

I NEED A NEW TYPE OF GUY....

May be that should be one of my new years resolutions. I used to pick resolutions like: Don't wear socks with holes in them because I wanted to try and actually keep to my resolutions. However, in light of recent events, I think 2007 won't just be about the moustache but also about raising the bar an inch off the floor.

It's time.

Did anyone else see this?

This was a top headline across the papers last week:

Long Arms of World's Tallest Man Save 2 Dolphins in Northeast China

Did I just read that right? They had to bring in the tallest man in the world to retrieve plastic bits out of the stomache of Dolphins???..... EW... It's also sad to think this guy has lived his entire life to find out his destiny was to be a pair of tweezers in a dolphin's stomache.

On another front... Dunner's birthday... If I were to attach a headline to this photo, what would it say? LOVE LOVE LOVE this photo.... she's so caught in the middle of something yet she isn't doing anything wrong.. well, she is... she still hasn't drank her shooter but we'll discuss that later.

Tuesday: the update.... Part 1

I'm sure by now, all of you have seen "D**k in a box". The SNL skit featuring JT & Andy Samberg doing it up retro early 90's reminiscent of Colour Me Bad.



Well, I had taped SNL as I like to watch it Sunday mornings. Great way to start the day as I'm not quite awake enough to do anything to drastic and you can always fast forward commercials & crappy parts.... Anyways, Monday I saw it again on You Tube. Then when someone forwarded me the link again. Then Dunner was talking about it b/c she loves JT. Got home from work and Elton and I had to crack jokes about it online last night. My point in all this is that FREAKING SONG IS IN MY HEAD!

"1... cut a hole in the box.... 2..... put your junk in that box.... "

Always, always the song you want playing through your head when you're getting ready to go on a first date with someone.... Happy to report, I didn't subconsciously sing that song at dinner (or may be I did... after all, subconsciously doing something has a way of sneaking up on you) Also happy to report that:

A: His name is NOT Igor

B: DOESN'T sell porn (or may be he does.. didn't want to ask. Shaloa & I are actually looking into hosting a site before we do Beer Gardens & Patios as a good way to fund our boot fetish)

C: and all the other problems I face weren't visibly present: Tourettes, related parents, out of control drunk, bites me, gets in fights, has slept w/ 8 of my friends, lives hours & hours away.....

Seeing as it was few weeks ago that I had met him & this was the first time we have reconnected, I wasn't overly excited so really hadn't put much thought into my wardrobe nor what we were going to do. So when he phoned & suggested Glowbal or Rodney's Oyster House, I became intrigued as he just upped the anti. All of the sudden I panicked as to what to wear as I was used to these useless cactus club meet ups.

I phoned Shaloa as she knows my wardrobe of late.... unfortunately no answer. What am I to do now.... was I going to phone him & say "sorry I can't go out, I JUST can't decide what to wear.. I want to wear my black shirt but unfortunately my shoes are brown. The good jeans are in the wash & the other ones JUST aren't right.. I'd wear the red shirt but I wore it when i met you" and so on. I'm realizing that he'll be there in 5 minutes & therefore do NOT have time to quickly run to the store & find a new top..... so I went naked. LOVED ME.

NO.

But that's what I told Shaloa when she asked me this morning, "You figured it out though?"

One cheeky answer deserves another. She scolded me and informed me that naked wasn't a part of "the rules".

WELL... I guess I won't hear from HIM again will I? Damn... I KNEW I should have been doing those butt clenches!


***** SOOO much happened over the weekend that I'll be posting periodically through out the day.... stay tuned*********

No Sleep & No Food Make Leanne a Cranky Girl

I have reached new heights in bitchiness that even I didn't think were possible. I'm almost impressed. The freakin' wind storm last night didn't help. Apparently winds gusted up to 157km/hr... which from my accts are hurricane strenght winds and this would explain the constant whistling and the shaking windows. Today I'm happy though that I live in a high rise and no trees could fall on me and also that I don't have a long commute & have to deal with fallen trees/power outs on my way to work.

Needless to say, I don't believe anyone in the lower mainland got much sleep last night and I have found out that I am not the only bitchy person (yea, I'm talking about you in front of me in starbucks... I ain't afraid of you shorty).

This week has been an intersting one. A reindeer fell on me at sushi the other night (no typos), Found a new cleansing detox I aptly name "The Asian Influence; That Isn't Chicken" and I'm going to Christmas Lunch on Sunday with my Dad at White Spot. Now is it me but is Christmas Lunch at White Spot both budget & white trash at the same time? I mean couldn't we have stepped it up & bothered to go to a buffet or something? I'm going thru the effort of meeting you & all I'm doing is setting myself up for another bout of food poisoning? 2006: the year of the yak.

Birthday Greetings....

Upon reading yesterday's post, you tell me what was a bad idea. Was it trying a new chinese food restaurant or thinking that I'd be well enough to go out last night. Ok, so it's both but I honestly thought I'd be ok ..... and I was until I went to the washroom and lost my dinner (trust me, that surprised me as much as it you).

But for the hour I was there, we did manage to write some birthday Haiku's for Young Jen (ha ha, who am I kidding, you're 30! You'll never be young again!)

Staying true to the 5-7-5 we created the following:

Jive grind Jen spunk funk
Hot Pants strain one's tight cheese rocks
Loud like nude boobs dew

It should be here that I mention that the poems were written only knowing what the former word was and then you pass the note along. So if one person starts off the poem, you pass it to the right, they add a word etc... then when you finish the line, you fold the paper & start over.

Even so, that last poem was stupid. Not satisfied with the lack of sense in the former poem we divided into two groups & created the following which was intended to make SOME sense. If you read them like you're Mike Myers in "So I married an Axe Murderer" they carry a little more charm:

Jen, like what shoes dope?
But, unlike a cat you're wet
We love dogs much more

or

Years ago, PUMA
When pantless attacked men cried
Suppose they were right!

I hadn't eaten nor slept so of course I thought they were hilarious but upon second reading today I am wondering who keeps party animals like us locked up.

We did receive parting gifts & really that's why I came, was for the free loot.... and the picture I helped create of Dunner & JT (her secret bf)

Did I mention I was photoshop master of the universe?

Never eat at the Gloucester Cafe

If you are presented with the choice of having a slice of pizza or eating chinese food from a restaurant you have never been before.. ALWAYS ALWAYS choose the pizza. I do not recommend Chinese food to be the genre to which you try new things. I would tell more but I haven't been away from the bathroom for more then five minutes today so you'll have to use your imagination.

Tonight is supposed to be another little friday... god help me. I stayed home from work but I'm contemplating this birthday fest as i believe all of the toxins are gone & I indeed feel better.

I'll keep you posted as this kicks off a long week of Chrismtas festivities to come


TA!

It's not that I don't like you....

It's that I don't really like you that much.....

That's how I pretty much feel about everything today so beware. May be it stems from the only phone call I got last night was work looking for a particular file or that I had spent the better part of Monday morning explaining to (*) why I don't like him nor did I appreciate his follow up contact to be at 2:30AM the following night. As he explained, he knew I was going out so it seemed like a good time to call? For WHAT??????? yea.. nice try.. next!

Side bar: I just find emasculating when a guy emails you to say: gee, thanks for blocking me on MSN! A: how do you know I blocked you and B: If that was me, I'd just gather my pride & skulk away. I wouldn't bring it to the person's attention & ask to be reinstated....ugh!... SO ANNOYING!!!!!

Maybe I'm irritated by the constant barrage of phone calls from both my dad & my brother. What is even more flabbergasting is the lack of self awareness on the part of them both. They sit & bitch about characteristics they are currently displaying while completely unaware they are doing so. I find them ... I don't quite know the words but if we were all in one room, I'm pretty sure I'd snap & tell them to both shut the f*ck up.

Perhaps the 3 cookies for breakfast weren't a good idea & now I'm on a massive sugar crash.

May be it's because I'm currently listening to Lionel Richie and well, yea... that's not hot. It was funny the first time round. Now I'm wondering why I downloaded him to my iTunes.... It's crappy music like this that makes me steal off the internet. What the hell is he saying in "All Night Long" anyways?

Perhaps it's myspace. There's lots of whore collecters & I've managed to agree to be friends with a gent who calls himself "Cougar Hunter" and out of the hundreds of 'friends' he has, he has managed to place me on his front page right smack between "Chicks That Kick" and "Jenna Jameson". I've only been on this site for 2 days but I'm starting to wonder why I don't have more pictures of me bent over... wait, no I do.

I'm out!

I wish I could have updated sooner but I have discovered something else that eats up massive amounts of my time.... myspace.com

I'm hoping this new fascination will replace the online dating thing because after last friday night I think I'm tapping out.

How to describe it, hmmm...... how about: Horrible... heinous.. A complete waste of time.

He had to be the MOST annoying man in the world. I likened him to a small yappy dog that you just wish would settle down and be quiet. Granted I have been on worse dates before but never have I been as annoyed. Other dates, for obvious reasons, I found mildly amusing and forsaw their embaressment the next day.

No this guy was a tool and I kinda knew it going into the date as he never REALLY got my humour online. For example, I jokingly said I had been married 3x & after I explained I was kidding, I launched into how I did have 4 kids though. He still thought I was serious. (he claimed that you just never know with girls you meet online but come on! that's pretty obvious ... no? then in person claimed he said he knew)

So we met up for drinks at the Granville Room & proceeded to watch the Canucks just barely beat Carolina (although we're 6-0 in OT wins!). We sat at the bar to watch the game which was great if he would have just sat still and STOP HITTING MY ARM... You know those people. The ones that insist on whapping your arm with the back of their hand every time they feel the need to say something.

whap "hey..."
whap "what do you want to drink?"
whap "did you see that?!"
whap "you know what i'm thinking?"

It was about mid way through the second period that I snapped and exclaimed "STOP HITTTING ME!".... It was one of those uncontrolled blurbs that just pop out of your mouth and you don't realize you said it til after the fact. I'm surprised he heard me anyways because I couldn't get a word in edgewise as he insisted on always speaking (yelling/arguing) over me.

If that wasn't enough, he just wasn't funny... He asked me where I bought my iMac as he is thinking of getting one (btw, i think the world would be a better place if it was an iMac place.... but that's my opinion) so I said, "um, some store in yaletown"

"oooooooh.... yaaaaaleeetown... oooooh... yaletown."

OK... WTF? Dude lives in Yaletown, so I don't see why that is a big deal and he just HAD to say it in that juvenile dopey voice too ( I wish that was the only time he joked like that). It's about here that I no longer felt I could tolerate him and even him resting his feet on my stool was driving me up the wall. He claims I was laughing... yea...... no.

But what really kicked off the lame factor for me was that I thought I may have had to bring a tag along with me that night. When I asked him if it was ok, he replied "sure, do you mind if I ask Natalia?" Sure.. what do I care? So when we finally sit down & I explain that my friend, Man's name, went onto Calgary instead of coming to Van, he pretends to phone his friend Natalia. She would have answered, except she doesn't exist. Well, no, she exists, but she's 3 months old................Yea, so multiply jokes like these by 3 hours & you have my friday night. I tried flirting with the bartender so he'd ply MORE alcohol into my drinks & (*) would be more tolerable. (btw Shaloa, bartender was about 6'2, blonde ;) )

I may have been on a bit of an edge as Little Friday kicked my ass & I was pretty tired but I did need to wash the bad date off so I proceeded to meet up w/ Brutally Honest & Tito down at Glowbal. A couple of drinks later, I called it night & headed home.

I awoke the next morning in a panic thinking I was late for a meeting and surprisingly, wasn't sure where I was when I awoke (I would love for that to mean something but...... no, no I've been in my own bed EVERY NIGHT). I would have gone back to sleep but the family circus of phone calls began early that day.

Later that night, I went to a Holiday/Housewarming/Congratulations/Bon Voyage/Woo hoo it's Saturday Night party. All the usual suspects were present & drunken for. Two things were cute there.. the dog, nick named Issues which I think is a great name for a dog & the baby. Yes, I think every woman around & just over the age of 30 was hearing the same thing as me (tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick................. Which was weird considering we've never heard it before).

Apparently, I missed out on some good drunken behaviour as I ducked out early with PHd. She wanted to hit another party downtown where eligibles would be present and really I couldn't turn down a shared cab ride home... Ok, who am I kidding, I want to explore eligibles as well. So I went.

Now, I don't usually have a problem crashing a party. Especially seeing as I knew a good chunk of the people in attendance. I do however, have a problem crashing a birthday party of someone who isn't my biggest fan. Yes, ever go on a date with someone and then because you attended the same party at a later date do you realize you run in the same circles. So instead of being a mature person and say hi, you instead just stare at me across the room & stodigly acknowledge my presence once I've yours.... yea... awesome.

Yes, as you read, we went for sushi one night. We parted ways. He emailed me to tell me he had a good time & we should do it again but we never did. A few weeks later, I see him at Mistletoe Madness (6 I think... the last one there was.... I've also wondered if he didn't talk to me as I was unable to stand at that party & my friend Smitty held me up).

But yes, something I find funny as finding out we have mutual friends, has freaked him out. I think he may have met his gf around this time & felt awkward which is fine b/c I don't really care. But sometimes I try & say hi & he just recoils in horror & quietly says hi back....... awesome, so apprently, I'm a monster or at least an animal which would account for my nick name.

But as always, he saw me in the room, and not just looked at me but looked at me in a quizzical manner because why would I be there? So like the night before, I had my two drinks & dashed out of there but not before smacking my head against the towel dispenser (can we say co-ordinated?)

Yes, when PHd and I first got there, we were looking for Capt'n Jess. I proceeded into the bathroom where I found her washing her hands. She informed me that she had just been wondering if I was there as she thought she heard me... hmm.. let's see, a bar filled with drunk people and music and you think you can still hear me above that... yup, that sounds about right. See (*), told you I wasn't laughing at your jokes.......... tool.

Check me out!

hmmmmmmm.

SERIOUSLY.. what the hell?... Frank's got slacks on the boulevard and my brain is turning into mush. I knew EVERYTHING I wanted to say, had it worked out in my head, had a title & 5 minutes go by and NOTHING.. Damn you beer & your sweet tasting nectar. Damn you for turning me into a lot of nothing.

I have to sayI am more convinced then ever that 2007 WILL be the year of the moustache. I'm seeing it everywhere and apparently you are as well... I've also been receiving several notices on this phenomenom. Now that it's in the consciousness, it will be easier to spot and to clarify, I don't mean facial hair. I'm talking 70's, porn, pervy stache. Just take a gander at Ryan Gossling.

I was asked last night if I'd rather be dating or would I rather be in a relationship. To which I said, relationship for various reasons. Granted I'm FINALLY starting to have fun with the whole dating thing but isn't the whole point of going out, meeting the opposite sex (or not) and trying to get to know one another for that purpose... to fall into a relationship. Fine there is gratuitous sex but really, that shouldn't take that much work. Do what I do, hammer out the terms ahead of time, do you business & go about your day... Much more simple and there isn't the headache of games.

Another thing about dating is that there are always always casualties... hopefully not so much you ... but you really do got to do some filtering... It's almost like shopping at Winners... there's a lot of crap out there but once & a while you get a good find.... It's also a good way to build up your dating criteria list. For example, based on recent experiences, I'm looking for a guy that doesn't sell porn, over laugh at my jokes nor is boring and I REALLY hope this can come into play in regards to a set up that I will be encountering soon.

My friend Pumpkin couldn't figure out why a girl like me is single & suggested that I get to know his co-worker... He's supposed to be a great guy & has teeth................ well, i've settled for less (van victim) so what could it hurt except that every set up I've had has been an utter disaster (see any post on this site)

Perhaps Nic said it best:

I have decided men are like parking spots... all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Pictures as promised

THE BEGINNING: (click on pictures to enlarge)

It aaaaalllll started here.. one innocent bottle of Heineken.... granted it was 3L and unfortunately.... below was a result....

Seriously... who let me out? and I really wonder why I'm single.

I'm not alone in this debauchery.

We're sharing a very britney/paris moment in the upper village.... you think that we're the only ones on the trip... (I'll have to post other pics)

And this is to show how beautiful it really was up there......

the full explanation.....

It was a cold night. Snow was on the ground and the village was still a buzz with party goers exiting the bars looking for the next good party to continue their drink on. A girl... We'll call her hot with long flaxen hair (Wait! what is flaxen anyways? I think a shade of blonde but the description on the bottle didn't match so we'll just say.. Light) walks through taking in the atmosphere while nibbling on her late night pizza while making her way back to her hotel..... do you buy it?

Ok so it was more like some drunk blonde w/ disheveled party hair scarfed her pizza while stumbling through the village trying desperately to avoid other drunks looking for a place to party. The fact she is wearing a Hilton Bath robe failed to turn any heads which is good as it came complete with a couple of beers in the pocket...

To answer how I got there would be best explained from the beginning.....

This past weekend was The Bobbleheads celebratory weekend up in Whistler. We won a weekend for 24 at the 2005 relay and the Lodge finally finished it's renovations and was able to accomodate us for our weekend of fun.

Friday, Shaloa, Dunner & I made our way up to Whistler with road pops in hand. Once we got into our room, our first order of business was cracking open the 3 Litre Heineken (pictures to come) Once that was finished (in about 15 minutes I think) we made our way down to the lounge to meet up with our other team mates... Not content to sit around the lounge, we downed a couple of shots & made our way out in the night. I really tried to bail & go to bed but the girls were not set on letting me sleep. They forced another drink in me & off to Bills we headed.

One thing I noticed is that there are A LOT of ugly people out last weekend... wow. If they weren't ugly, they were chachi. If they weren't Chachi, they were old. The goal was the shamelessly make out with someone and we would have if not everyone there hadn't repulsed us. So instead we became dancing machines... ok I became a dancing machine. What can I say, Abba moves me (pics to come).

So after a stirring performance to my favourite disco song, Shaloa realized I probably didn't need that last jagr bomb and I'm relieved to report that I DID NOT throw up... To be honest, I'm not sure what happened. I know I got grumpy but Dunner gave me a stern talking to

"HEY! we're all tired, we all want to sleep! But do you see us doing that? NO! We're drinking, we're dancing so suck it up!"

She informed me the next day I looked at her like someone just told me they were in love with me. So apparently, I need to either yell at someone, or someone needs to yell at me.... I'm starting to think I'm f*cked in the head. The night was complete with fighting off the creepy guy brigade... yes, some guy actually felt me up as he walked by. He's lucky I didn't see his face.

After some pizza, we made it back to the hotel to find that no, we hadn't finished the beer & must do so before falling asleep. I promised that I would drink mine in the morning. When I woke up, I stayed true to my word.... yes, it was disgusting.

The lazy day consisted of Milestones where our waiter was more hung over then we were, shopping and a lazy walk around the village. Basically we were killing time til we could meet up with our team mates for apres ski. Dunner & I were trying to explain the merits of napping to Shaloa but it didn't take as Stine burst in from a full day on the slopes. I stuck around with Stine to buy some beer provisions & the other two headed off to Longhorn where Dunner left & went to Squamish.... she is now dead to me. (Ya you are... oh, you also missed Stine's surprise snow attack on me outside brewhouse)

Aprés Ski at the Brewhouse was pretty uneventful... drinks, appies, presentations etc... Everything was fine until Shaloa proved she shouldn't be around children. It may be me. May be it's you but on the list of things you don't say to 4 year old children is "I like high fives from big boys" The presenter's son was there and as I walked by him, I asked for a high five. Shaloa, behind me, then uttered her famous sentence to which I didn't pay a lot of attention to.. . that is until a few seconds later I heard "wow.... I'm sooo inappropriate". I think it was double burn as I was told one of her ex's has a baby face

I almost fell down the stairs from laughing to hard... one of the funniest moments & one of the best things I've heard lately aside from "My sure thing went home".

ANYWAYS.. after Stine kicked my ass in the snow. (we're convinced you point your toes when you run). Yes, she's freakishly athletic & after she face washes you and you try and run after her, ensure your shoes have grip because bailing in the middle of the plaza is pain for you but comedy for everyone else.

So, not content with one injury, I decided that jumping up and down on the bed would be a great idea which was until I bashed my head on the ceiling (so like 2 jumps in)... ya, I'm not 4'11. I'm also apparently not smart despite what I tell people.

So where in this weekend am I going wrong? Was it the beer in the hot tub? Was it the half bottle of crown the guys shared with me in the hot tub? Perhaps.. just may be ... it was the limbo stick. I've decided I created a monster... great for parties.. bad for me.. wow. bad... fun... but bad. I looked at it Sunday morning and decided it needs to spend some time in the bad boy box.

After a quick rendez vous with my whistler friend, I met up with everyone down at Garf's to have what I'll call weird conversation night. Shaloa has a good picture of me sleeping while standing up. Again we headed for a slice after the bar. It was freezing and all day long I was bundled in layers but that night I was wearing a tank top & just my coat. I thought my alcohol parka would help out but unfortunately, I was freezing.. THANK GOD I saw two dudes walking around in Hilton Robes. One was chivalrous & lent me.. or gave me his robe complete with beer in the pockets.. and well, yes, it helped.. quite warm. Shaloa insisted I take it home with me because she finds it hilarious that some guy has to pay 100 dollars because he was being nice to me.. (i think i'm worth every penny). I asked for everyone to NOT ditch me while I waited in line for my slice but yea.. that worked well, so there I was, alone, wearing a bath robe, eating my pizza while I stumbled back to the hotel.

Good thing I know my way around the village better when I'm hammered then I do while dead sober (very weird). No one would kill me sunday morning no matter how much I pleaded and off to brunch at Milestones we went. Different server although the same hang over, prompted me to wonder if there was one person in the village that didn't party the night before. After dealing with a small drama, we were on our way home... I think I may finally be recovering from all that.... but we can never be totally sure.

20 Shopping Days til Xmas... I wear a Medium.

How Many Drinks Could A Drunk Chick Drink If A Drunk Chick could Drink..................... beer?

That sentence could pretty much sum up the Whistler experience:

Drive up & Drink.
Go to the Lounge & Drink.
Back to the Room and Drink.
To the Bar & Drink.
Back to the Room and Drink.
Wake up and Drink.
Go to Breakfast and Drink.
Walk...... Don't Drink (Hey man, I don't brown bag it).
Aprés ski and Drink.
To the hot tub and Drink.
Limbo Stick Contest... The epitome of Drinking.
Back to the Room and Drink.
*PASSOUT* yea, I do have limits...
To the bar and drink.
Wake up... Hold yourself & Cry.

Going away with friends is also a learning experience. For example I learned that I'm mildly retarded because no one else I know would hit their head on the ceiling from jumping up and down on the bed. Stine points her toes when she runs (Ya you do) and Shaloa is quite inapproapriate around small children... I'd say I learned something about Dun & Dun but she's dead to me.... I will expand further on all stories as soon as someone tells me them... til then:

How Many Drinks Could A Drunk Chick Drink If A Drunk Chick could GET DRUNK...

ahhh.. yes, I solved it..... and scene.

Cougars

Cougar: (as cited on cougardate.com)

The largest North American cat, top of the food chain with Grizzly Bears, carnivorous solitary hunter, aka Mountain Lion, Puma.

Also describes women in their forties who smoke, drink and go to clubs to pick up young men in their twenties. Cougars are usually divorced, sometimes with cubs, and financially independent.

The most successful cougars are those that married well and got huge divorce settlements. Lesser Cougars were feminists who clawed their way to the top and made their own money. They have charge cards and big bank accounts, often living off second mortgages and money lending. They own cars but use them sparingly because of their concern for the environment.

Species characteristics include a penchant for home decorating, an interest in dogs (the only other species they can live with), an avid consumption of home products such as tinfoil and Cheez Whiz, and a limited interest in technology.

They have a high fat diet but are usually in shape because of sheer genetics and extensive shopping, dinner party planning and traveling. They often wear clothes that they're a bit too old for such as Spandex and high heels. They dye their hair and wear lots of makeup and jewelry.

Cougars-in-training (ie. women in their thirties) are called "pumas". Women in their twenties are "cougar cubs".

I thought it best to open with a definition as I'm not sure how to categorize my friend... she's in her 30's but doesn't really go for the younger male aside from a recent liason.. No... she tends to go for the REALLY younger man. It has to be that or she's COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE... how else do you explain someone who walks past a 4 year old & says "I like high fives from big boys".

Seriously... I think I'm still crying .. I know I'm barely able to spit it out when I tell that story.

My Name is Leanne

I was watching "My Name is Earl" last night & for those who live in a shoebox or have been in the woods for the past couple of years, the show is ultimately about Earl trying to redeem his good Karma by rectifying past wrongdoings. In this one episode in particular, he noticed that his Karma could be turning around as he was winning a few bets....

I wonder if there is dating Karma but as opposed to having to good deeds to get a good man (excuse the irony in that sentence) No.. but instead of having to do good deeds to get a good man you have to put up with your share of bad men or in my case... giant freak shows.

Yes, last night I was watching "My Name is Earl" while I went for a run on my treadmill. I was going to go down for a quick run & pop back up to my apartment. (I love that I have a gym in my building). Oddly enough, no one is ever in there. Because I'm self conscious I normally tie a sweatshirt around my waist but seeing as I was the only one in the gym, I whipped it off. Not 2 minutes later a young... hot looking guy walks in, smiles & sits on the stationary bike which is located where? RIGHT BEHIND ME...

I did a quick analysis in my head... gay men don't say hi to me. I'm like the anti-gay man as they don't really pay attention to tall blonde women in tight workout clothes... yes, definately straight.... straight & sitting on the bike right behind me. Straight, sitting on the bike behind me and staring at my ass as I ran on the treadmill.

Because I can't obviously turn around, as I'm not only watching tv & listening to my ipod (the tv has closed captioning), but I'm also in the middle of my cardio. So instead, I'm peeking into the window to catch a reflection.. OH! he's reading.... phew.. wait a minute! WHY aren't you staring at my ass.. HELLO!???? I'm running. (yea, I know).... I realized that, wow..I'm retarded... so I decided to focus on the running thing.

Once I was done, I decided that the right thing for me would be to stay & do weights... Hey! what did I have to do? Go upstairs & work? pfft! This is when he started chatting with me (definatetly not gay) Course it was more along the lines of "Nice gym eh?" with my response of "yuh" and then I quickly look away because well, I have the social grace of a 12 year old girl... way to go... hot.

So I start doing my squats and realize how awkward & lame I was so I tried initating the conversation back up ... "did you just move in?" ... "yes.... " and the conversation took off from there.

Was so nice to be able to chat with a guy that
A: Wasn't Drunk
B: Works Out
C: Wasn't a Perv (that I know of)
D: Lives in my Building! (after recent situations, I'm all over convenient)

Like Earl, I was only able to win a little bit. On the show he ended up screwing up in the biggest way. Well, in Leanne's real life, there's always snags..... Not a freakshow but he is a former Park Ranger named Hunter. (what the? that's like my mom's gyno that was named Dr. Payne) Anyways, he moved back to the city because well, there ain't any women on the West Coast Trail.... (I smell follow up novel to "I dated them so you don't have to" to "Out of the woods, Into Leanne's ****** we go".


Note to self: Karma aside, I'm ALWAYS wearing a push up bra to the gym!