Tangents....

It's official... I'm a Gillespie. I've proven this fact this weekend.

My ethnic background is split equally down the middle being half Ukranian and half Scottish. My Scottish Grandparents emigrated to Canada at various ages & my Great Ukranian Grandfather came over on a boat in hopes a new fruitful life. I never really recognize my Scottish side. I think it's partly because we're the only Scottish family I know that isn't blazing proud. No, we're more on the reserved side.

My person is almost as equally split down the middle. I look like my late Mother (the Ukranian side) but I have the personality traits of my Father (the Scottish side which is good because otherwise I'd be crap). However, if you ask my brother or my dad if I look like my Mom, they will deny it & my brother furthers this by telling me I have the body of my Aunt Helen.

I will agree, I do NOT have my mother's body as I don't have a buxum chest and a flat ass but Aunt Helen's Body? Damn... that just hurts. I don't think I need to explain her features for anyone to understand that's BAD. He told me this on an elevator one time to which I freaked out. The stranger in the elevator was killing himself laughing as no, it's not good to resemble your recluse, angry Aunt. Hey Mark.... when was the last time you got a gander of her? Last time I checked she was a round, puffy woman with thinning hair and a slight moustache.

It's my face. My face is my mother. I started noticing this in grade 12 when I was looking at my Grad pictures & exclaimed in a not so flattering manner, "Oh GOD! I look like you!!" I can only imagine how harsh I insulted my mother as I look at my neice these days and am proud to think she looks like me. When the day that comes that she cries out in disdain of our similarities, I will probably have to kill myself.

I can further back up my argument by letting you know that I was accosted by a little old lady in the washroom at my Baba's funeral who assumed I was Patricia's daughter. I learned that this little old lady (who was freakishly strong) was my mother's school teacher. I figure if you have age & senility working against you and you still recognize me well then Hot Damn! I resemble the woman.

I definately have my father's personality traits however, as does my brother. Whenever I get into an argument with Mark and look for sympathy from his wife, I get none. She just asks me what do I expect when all three of us are the same person. Because this is my forum, I would like to take the time to say that I think I'm the least tempermental of us all and the most understanding (I am sitting in front of my computer screen smiling, batting my eyelashes and looking cute) but my humour, my quick temper, & smarts come from my Dad but I think this weekend proved that my brother may have rubbed off on me after all.

I always give him a hard time that he reads in the bathroom. I ask why doesn't he just add a little more fiber into his diet. I mean it shouldn't be an all day affair in there. I, mysellf would be a little concerned. He was quick to point out that when you have 3 kids, it may be the only alone time you get all day and so he tends to milk that time for all it's worth. He reads, ponders life, gets brilliant ideas... I say "fair enough". I live alone & find that when I have guests over I follow them into the bathroom as I can't get enough person to person contact in my day.

So this brings me to the point of this entry (FINALLY). Sunday I was out with Stine & the Handler. We orginally started out at the WISH cup's beer garden down at David Lam park. David Lam park is a nice greenspace equipped with a huge grass field, cement concourse, playgrounds & tennis courts. The field was in use with the soccer tournament but the cement concourse at the top of the steps was set up with a tent and a patio for the purpose of selling bevies. The glorious feature of this cement concourse is that it has fountains that turn into waterfalls on each side of the deck.

So as it was a blazing 25+ Celcius Sunday, people moved thier chairs into the fountains and soaked their feet in the water. I kid you not, it was spectacular! Hands down the best beer garden EVER. Not only was it refreshing, but you stayed cool. Guys liked it as girls kept walking in wearing their bikinis. I liked it cuz there was hot soccer ass everywhere. It kind of resemembled a live beer commercial. This is where the belly dancer entered & performed for us. We agreed that this patio should be open all summer and in fact we should design a bar that is seasonal.. Summer is a fountain; Winter is an ice rink.

Later that day, the three of us left to go to Greek Days down in Kitsilano. We first had to take the girls home to change as the Handler was soaking wet from a water fight. I spazzed about the water when I first arrived so I stayed dry. (Hey, I was dressed up. I had a date I stood up & didn't want to mess my hair).

For Greek Days, (actually it's Greek Day as it's only Sunday from noon til about 9 pm. So it's more like Greek Hours) they block off Broadway between McDonald & Blenheim. The street is lined with Slouvaki vendors & Stages with Dancers. Pub Patios are full and the street is filled with people. However, as mentioned earlier, it was hot and was only bearable when sitting in a fountain. You can imagine the stifling heat as you are walking down the black top of the street. So we decided that once you've seen one slouvaki, you've seen them all and headed for the Coppertank, a pub where I met live evil. (hey live evil... that would make a good logo as it's read forward & backward... isn't that a palindrome?).

We ordered our drinks & I excused myself to the washroom where I got the most brilliant idea!
Let's apply for a grant so we (the three of us) can write a book about the various beer gardens & patios across BC. You see, the grant would be there to help fund the research needed for the book. After some discussion & modifications to the initial plan we agree that this idea would be awesome and are currently looking into what kind of funding we can get. We're going to try the angle that this is a piece to help promote tourism in BC. But really, this can be spun into all sorts of different ideas & tangents.

I need to go ponder this... hope I have enough toilet paper... Thanks Mark.

What would I look like if I was a man????

It's not that I ponder this EVER... but after several jokes on saturday about super imposing people's faces onto the Hoff's body led me to wonder if I did it to me...


The result: I think I look gooooood.

It's all coming back to me... Part II

I've asked around and most girls do not have the appalling things said to them that is to me. No, they get sweet endearing comments from guys with or without good intentions.

"Hello"
"How are you"
"I don't know if you fucking care, but my name's Ian"

are to name a few... no.. I get

"Do you like being thrown up against the wall or being bent over?"

I suppose we can't say he's not direct but this approach didn't work for him nonetheless.... I'm still pondering why he feels it is ok to utter such comments after knowing me for all of 5 minutes. These thoughts are fleeting and really didn't get reproached until I was sitting in a fountain sunday afternoon (story to come on that!) when a belly dancer walks into the beer garden and starts performing for us...

Indeed it would have been interesting to find out if she was only walking by, loaded up on coke & was ready to party but I declined on such a bet made by Darren & recounted instead that it reminded me of a stripper that I saw just the night before.. yes, in a flash I remembered that I went to the Penthouse.

Eli, being the gracious host that he is, had plenty of Fireball to go around. For those of you that don't know, it's cinimon whiskey (so good!) Yes, so that coupled with the Wine, the Beer, the Martinis & the Shooters of Tequila some how made me forget that I sat gyno row in one of the scuzziest strip bars in Vancouver... Oh, I'm sorry, they've cleaned it up. However, I fail to see how a coat of paint & wiping down the chairs just enough to sit down really cleans up a C-list strip bar but I obviously didn't have any qualms with that Saturday night.

To make a long story longer... this all ties together because you see, "direct man" is also a cop that was on patrol saturday night. As I was entering the Penthouse saturday night, he was also going in to do a check... I could have just snuck in & sat in the corner... but no.. I have to frantically wave & yell

"Calvin! Calvin! remember me!!!!! Vanessa's friend?? HI!!!!!!"
"Ya, we're just going in for a show right now..."

The look of fear across his face should tip me off. I guess demure isn't working for me after all.

These are a few of my Favourite Things... AMMENDMENT

I need to ammend an earlier post... I commented that "Everybody Hurts" by REM is one of the worst songs... I need to retract that statement as I was starting to run out of songs that day so was reaching. It is in fact trumped by a song of the same group:

Shiny Happy People

WTF is a shiny happy person? All I know is that they're holding hands & laughing. I'm personally afraid.

Also that post spun a few discussions with people. One in particular is with Dave. We picked the list apart & generally agree on many things. Yes, the Macrena is an annoying song. However, when truth be told, most line dancing songs are annoying... all are except: The Electric Slide.

Something about that song brings tears to our eyes... may be THAT'S a shiny happy person? They're so happy they're crying & their glistening cheeks reflect the sunshine off their face making them appear shiny? I don't know... I'm still grasping.

It's all coming back to me....Part I

I have what's known as a hearty laugh. When I find something truly funny, I throw my head back, look up towards the ceiling & unabashedly chortle from my gut that not only reverberates off the ceiling rafters but can shake the inner core of your being.

So picture it. I'm standing in line at the checkout counter at Safeway anxiously waiting to get my hands on Stine's blender as another Friday of debaucherous activity awaits us when I get a phone call from the house.... it's Claire... "Ya, can you get me a sandwich?" (no, that's not the funny part) but then she follows up by telling me that my Tourettes Date made her laugh to the point of tears...... awesome. Yes, I have learned this weekend that I've acquired a few new readers to this site: Claire, Chloe, Kim, Darren & Scrappy.... My question to you all now: Does this mean I have to edit? Or is it game on? Cuz you're about to learn waaaaaaaaaay too much....

So after causing a couple of heart attacks with in safeway (I seriously caused the startled shake that you would get if someone snuck up behind you & tickled you) I headed for the party.

I'm afraid to report that my logic has failed me ONCE AGAIN... As I sat at my window Friday afternoon munching on strawberries, I thought it would be best to sip on some blender drinks for a couple of reasons. One being that it was now officially summer and what a better way to kick off the season and two, because if I'm drinking blender drinks, I will drink slower due to the amount of ice & will not be as hammered............................... Right.

Remember the 2 drink rule? Everything is becomes a great idea? Yup... So you can imagine the genius in me after finishing off the bottle of vodka. (oh! and Andy, I thought I was terribly funny)

Some more of my clear headed thoughts included:

1: Giving out my number to a tall Greek Guy named George who's cousin owns a restaurant down the block (If stereotypes exist: he's a walking hyperbole)
2: Sticking my tongue in a guy's ear because I've decided this is a new tradition to do EVERY time I see him... (p.s. I may not be down at Yaggers for a while)
3: Telling a cricket player that sorry, I can't talk to you as I can't take you seriously (Actually no, I didn't say that. I told him that he shouldn't talk to me cuz there was no way he'd be getting in my pants so don't waste your time.... I like the part where I asked why he was mad at me... Did you know that Canada has a nat'l cricket team and that ppl come from all over to play on it??????)
4: Doing a pool tableside lap/stripper dance that resulted in getting free drinks... (I think I don't need more hence the dance show... It seriously competed w/ the gypsy at the beer garden... But alas no scarf)
5: Getting into a stranger's jeep for a ride down the street which was just topped off by getting into a cab w/ 3 strange guys (Come on! They do have the best candy)

I just want to know: Who let me out?

Follow-up

I mentioned in an earlier post there was a man in pink shorts that spanked me at the relay...

Here is Exhibit A

HOW CAN I TURN THIS DOWN????

These are a few of my Favourite Things...

Yesterday spawned some other thoughts on me... I mentioned "The Hamster Song". Although there are a plethora of annoying songs, that probably tops my list.

Here is a Top Ten List of the Most Annoying Songs Recorded (I'll admit I started to run out but some I just really don't like)

1: The Lady in Red - once heard, will stay in my head for 3 days... his painful little wispy voice drives me up the wall
2: Seasons in the Sun - AGAIN.. 3 days grace. It's already in my head.
3: Cotton Eyed Joe - stupid song they play at hockey games & then those little hands come out on the big screen & clap along. Although, NO ONE claps like that... you don't clap from the base of your wrists.. it's impossible. No.. your hands come apart & then together... Every hockey game I feel the need to point that out to everyone around me & they generally agree. Although it may be to shut me up.
4: Macarena - Any line dancing song .. BAD
5: Sister Christian - Do these lyrics even make sense???

Sister Christian
Oh the time has come
And you know
That you're the only one to say
O.K.
Where you going
What you looking for
You know those boys
Don't want to play no more
With you
It's true

You're motoring
What's your price for flight
In finding mister right
You'll be alright tonight.....


6: Michael Bolton - Any song. He sounds like he's constipated while singing & when he had that long stringy hair he scared me a little
7: Rock-a-Bye- That falsetto voice he tweaks with "Everything's Gonna be alright...." and then rocks out "Rock-a-Bye" WTF dude...your song could have been good.... no... no wait. It can't be with your spoken word "It's kinda like Nashville... with a Tan" and then he chuckles. NOT COOL.
8: Hamster Song - get some freakin' words
9: Everybody Hurts - I hate this video, everyone gets out of their cars & walks down the highway.... ya, REM you're so deep... Michael Stipe, grow some hair, you look like a cancer patient
10: You Sang to Me - Although a favourite for Arlana, it is on my hit list. I am NOT a fan of Marc Anthony and his sinewy little body... I think he was a nerd that couldn't get women so then he made up sappy songs & they started to swoon.... except.. THEY SUCK. There is also: "I need to know"... what do you need to know? How many times do you say it anyways?

Here is a List of Embaressing Songs that I'll admit that I do like to indulge myself by listening to... some more then others but I'm tired.

1: All out of Love - Air Supply.... can't do wrong... 2 men singing love songs to eachother??
2: I Had the Time of My Life - What can I say... in grade 7 it was the greatest movie of all time.
3: Hungry Eyes - track #4... same movie
4: Footloose - I dare you to not dance
5: I'll Be There For You - Bon Jovi.. I really can't explain it.
6: It's All Coming Back to Me Now - Celine Dion, I like the piano.... This still doesn't make me want to see her in Vegas.
7: Angel of the Morning - The BEST Karaoke song!
8: What does it take- Favourite song in Grade 5. It's by Honeymoon Suite... I think I like the names of these bands from the 80's better then the songs themselves. It also reminds of me of Expo.. this one time on the monorail they were announcing upcoming concerts & they announced Honeymoon Suite & I remember the kid across from me wearing parachute pants & a hat (a kind of kagnol hat but not that as it's 1986) and he seemed excited but that's not why I like the song I thought he was a loser.
9: Power of Love - Even though Huey is a washed up middle aged creepy guy that looks like he'd fly to Indonesia for good luvin', I had this song on repeat on my 27th birthday... No idea why but Dave, the DD, complied & drove Kira & I all over Vancouver w/this song on repeat while we got money & looked for strippers (naturally)
10: We Belong - Sing it to me Pat! It's so triumphant

Do not... I repeat... do not come up to me & start singing theses songs to my face when I see you.

And here I've been Going about it all wrong....

Everyone is sooooo Freaking Happy...

Everyone is so happy these days and well.. I'm not.

Nope.. I'm not... and as time is marching on, I'm becoming more & more bitter. I know theoretically that I have no qualms.. life's ok. I live Downtown Vancouver, I have fabulous hair. I have a very understanding/flexible job but there is underlying current of anger... mostly it's my disdain for dating as I'm convinced that there are no eligible guys in Vancouver and by eligible I mean non-ugly, non-weird, employed, tall men that have outside interests besides smoking weed that are under the age of 40.

However many things irritate me as I'm a virgo & believe that people should always strive to be perfect with the first work in progress being myself.

Some of the more re-curring things that irritate me:

1: People that get to the top of the escalator & then stand there.
2: People that can't make decisions
3: People that walk through a doorway & stand there (seriously.. this & #1 do you not realize that there are people behind you?)
4: Couples or Groups of people that walk towards your single being on a sidewalk & do not make room for you to pass. (is it a group mentality thing? you're in a group, therefore I should submit to you?)
5: The sound of people eating bananas (gross & annoying)
6: The sound of gum snapping. (you sound like trailor trash)
7: Paris Hilton (she is trailor trash)
8: The NDP & it's supporters (do I really need to explain?)
9: The photographer that sits nexts to me & constantly clicks his pen (i hate him for all sorts of reasons.. another is him playing "you're beautiful" by James blunt at top volume over & over again)
10: The amount that Nick talks about himself (marathon talker, you'd think he knew no one else)
11: The Hamster Song (sorry, it isn't cute)
12: Ugg Boots... (It's summer people!)
13: People that insist on talking to you in the elevator (I don't know you... why must we insist on chatting about nothing??)

Who's the Saddest One Of Them All.....

Let's say your one roomate is in the 24 hour relay. You & your third roomate decide to go on over to visit & party with his team.

So you join him in the beer garden for some bevies. May be you come back to the campsite & party with him and his friends. May be.. just may be you've outlasted the other campers & you and your third roomate are the last two standing that night... no wait a minute... You're the one standing at the end of the night because third roomate has passed out sitting upright in his chair.

It's cold, it's late, he's huddled up in the chair and he's snoring. Seeing that no one else is really around to hang out with, why not just sit in the chair next to him & engage in some light chat.

How long this went on for I'll never know. All I know is when I rose early that day and found dude talking to a sleeping guy I warned his roomates that he may watch them when they sleep too.

How Do You Handle Your Hangover?

This past weekend was my 3rd year running in the Easter Seals 24 hour relay.... Even though I only run the one time, I'm exhausted. With 50 people on my team, we were able to raise a whopping $40,844 which surpassed our goal of $35,000 and brought our 4 year total to just over $107,000 raised for the Easter Seals. Not bad for just a bunch of drunks. Other teams that have raised that much money are generally corporate & have been part of the relay for over 20 years.

It occurs to me that if I pour all of that energy into real life that I may be able to rid the world of evil. I'm currently looking to acquiring a cape but ther are so many choices... Colour, length, material. I was thinking of a traditional velvet but velour just seems so much more practical but seeing as it's summer I may need a lighter weight... it's just so hard!!!

So as the relay came to a close with all of our beer drunk and the limbo stick put to good use we muster our ways home for afternoon naps & recovery. As I drift off to sleep, I'm forced to think back to some of the more memorable highlights:

Being spanked in the ass by a man wearing pink bike shorts.

Yes, I think I knew my night was nearly over when Darren suggests that I pull the man's tights down & spank him. Unable to get in a good smack. It seemed like the next best thing was for me to bend over & hold a chair while stine photographed the debacle. It's official. I have no pride. No joke, the spank was heard all over the garden. I wasn't able to sit for a good 20 minutes & was conviced I'd have a hand print the next day. Pink shorts asked if I had a bf and if I'd be interested in giving him some tongue I say YES I have a BF... and NO, i'm not giving tongue.

What I'm wondering monday morning is WHO'S THE FOOL THAT TOLD HIM OTHERWISE! Never should someone have to explain to a man in tight pink shorts why you don't want to make out. I always assumed that it's a given.

So not content with wasting away a gorgeous sunday afternoon, I headed down to the Dragonboat festival to meet up with Andy & Nick at the beer garden. (I obviously hate myself). When I arrive, I'm bombarded by drunk guys that have never seen a blonde girl before. Not only was I getting a back massage but also was having one foot rubbed at the same time by a masseuse..... not too shabby I must say. I was promised the other foot if I went to the after party last night but alas, I was coerced into being a buffer for a friend's father's day barbeque where I was plied with more alcohol...

I may not be writing for a while as I'm checking myself in later today for rehab. WAIT.. can't today.... it's game 7.

From the lost chronicles of the blog.....

See Julie's upset because not only was she just sold to that man but she can't drink. She can't smoke... no, she's 16.

WHAT?


This is a classic... for the ages.... gimme a Zip.... gimme a Zap.. it's Zip Zap Rap.....

This is in case you never got enough Menudo on your saturday mornings...

I Knew When

I got to work half my day from home yesterday and was able to indulge myself in such treasures as Beverly Hills 90210 and Oprah.

After learning valuable life lessons about AIDS on 90210, I switched the channel to see who was on Oprah and she was doing an episode on "When I knew I was gay"... So people like Carson Kressey (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) divulged he knew he was gay when he was 4 and was in love with Lee Majors (that wasn't his story but it was someone's) But I'm watching the photo montage of a 4 year old Carson in smart polyester suits carrying women's handbags when I recalled that I knew I was a geek magnet at 3.



Yes, I think I first knew I was a geek magnet when I was 3 and I made Potsie from Happy Days my boyfriend. Yes, I came into the kitchen where my mom was puttering and she asked me what I was doing. I answered that I was on a date. She asked with whom? I say, Potsie... Just so matter of fact. Whenever I was scooting around, I had my boyfriend Potsie with me.

Yup, my fate was sealed a loooooong time ago.

I hope that one day if I'm ever immortal, someone doesn't bring him to me as a gag. You know, I'm sitting on Oprah's couch & he's brought out to give me a hug & a kiss on the cheek, everyone claps. So that the joke is that all of my fantasies have come true.

Because if someone is really going to indulge my fantasies, I've got this list I've been compiling of late & well.... it's not fit for this venue.... maybe I can call up that cab driver that likes pain.. he'll know what to do.

Who was your favourite?

I'm sorry, I completely glazed over the fact that Beverly Hills 90210 is on daily at 3pm on channel 48. The life changing ever so popular show that catipulted people like Jason Preistly into stardom. No other show took 30 something actors and made them high school students... Well, there was 21 Jumpstreet (am waiting for those reruns so I can see myself in all of those group shots of the extras) but at least we knew there were supposed to be adults.

Now, is it me, or would that job suck ass.. not only is your day filled surrounding yourself with teenagers but you are juggling the responsiblity of your job of finding out who the bad kid is and still managing to get your homework done. Was there a special task force that sat around the office to get all this work done? I mean if they are posing as students, wouldn't they need to get the work done too? It always bothered me. That and Richard Greico.... dude wash your hair.

But my generation will forever know who we are referring to when we say: Brenda, Brandon, Kelly, Dylan, Steve et al. I forget Tori Spellings name & Brian Austin Green's name but we're in the first year of the reruns & those characters are inconsequential.

The show was a complete car wreck for me. I really despise all of the characters on the show & their smug little attitudes but I was glued to it each week & over the years learned to love the new characters, mourn the loss of the old ones & wonder why can't Kelly & Brandon JUST make it work! With the return of this show & my ability to program my VCR... many many more topics will come to mind. But I begrude you to say that Kelly wasn't your favourite or that you decided side burns were definately stylish again.

Oh! Tori Spelling was Donna & BAG was David Silver .... how could I forget. Donna gave David her flower to him whilst wearing white lingerie.. OMG I'm a sad sad girl. I wish the rest of the series had been like the first year & they wouldn't let her talk. Each episode she appeared in a few scenes but would walk alongside the main characters nodding & got to utter a resounding: uh-huh or perhaps excercise her acting abilities & roll her eyes...

Ok, I'm off to go find a life that doesn't require theme music.

I love Daytime TV

GOULET

I'm so excited. Channel 48 has revamped up it's programming and substituted Golden Girls & All in the Family for more current re-runs such as News Radio & Married with Children. When I was the ripe age of 10 I loved Golden Girls (cuz i was the target market?). I watched it every saturday night at 9 but as I got older the show pretty much has me sickened to my stomache. Yey, I can look forward to having sex in my 50's. Boo, that I can look forward to having sex in my 50's.

Fifty year old men have sex yes but with who? I don't know Michael Douglas, how old is Catherine? Women on the other hand in their 50's have sex with men in their 50's. Yes, Demi is rocking it out with Ashton but give them 10 years. I also want to point out that they are all celebrities... which are pretty much glorified facsimiles of regular people. I don't believe that Demi is real. or at least that her breasts are. I'm not convinced that after the age of 40 and 3 Kids your boobs would really stand up on their own.

So as the growing nausea for the Golden Girls reached it's pinnacle, the show has been replaced by old standards such as News Radio, Married with Children and drumroll please................... Beverly Hills 90210!

I have reached a new appreciation for Married with Children. When the show first came out back in the day, I remember watching the show & thinking it played down to the audience's intelligence and illustrated what a idiotic nation the states was. It didn't help that the programming was coupled with the onslaught of trash TV talk shows such as Ricki Lake, Jerry Spring & Jenny and these shows just perpetuated the stereotype of our neighbors to the south.

After not seeing this show for several years, I've realized I have a new appreciation for this show that I had never noticed before. I don't know if it's because I'm older & have a different perspective, I've lost IQ points or that through my experiences, I've become a cynical, bitter person... It's probably a combination of the all of the above.

There is definately a certain level of cynacism in these episodes that I appreciate. Each time I watch it I get a tiny snear across my face & find myself shaking my head in the absurdity of it all. It's essentially a mochary of married life & all it encompasses. Seeing the wonderful transgression of my family these past 10 years & meeting all of the wonderful men recently have fabricated a dark cloak of anger that can only be brought out through cynacism.

Yes, this show is in your face & if you take it for face value, you are mildly retarded. Without the constant outside influences of trash TV, I can see the comedy of it all.

This leaves one question being begged to ask. If we almost rid ourselves of trashy talk shows, we have smart funny shows (sans syndicated aforementioned) WHY but oh WHY is the world obsessed with Paris Hilton. If she was anymore absurd, she'd be a cartoon.

How cute am I?

So I'm a bit narcissistic but I did mention that I lent Stine my expo pass & birth cert as ID for the bar.... WHAT doorman or security or anyone looking for photo identification would accept a photo of a 10 yr old? That still escapes me and makes me laugh at the same time. I also find it funny that it was just so matter of fact that this is the next best thing to your driver's license.

I have no idea and I'm in the picture....

Apparently, I've Got Options.

My 25th birthday was probably one of the best birthdays I ever had. It was the weekend of the year-end ultimate tournament and Nice Cake won our division in our innaugural tournament. So to celebrate, we got some beers & ordered pizza to the UBC field while we chilled out & watched the other games. Afterwards we got cleaned up & met back at Sandra's house where we had a martini party. I was smart and decided to show up a little late as I knew what was in store for me that evening and what a good move that was because what I arrived to was a pure gong show.

It seemed like people were learing at you and coming at you from all sorts of directions. Mostly because A: drunk people have no attention span and can only mutter out a few coherent words & B: drunk people can't stand well and are swaying all over the place.

Eileen was the token barmaid and was in the kitchen shaking drinks with booze flying everywhere, asking me what colour I wanted.. pink? purple? blue? What seemed to have escaped everyone was the fact they were martinis as they drank them like they were shooters. Everyone was in complete chaos. That is except Lisa Unis. She was dead sober, walks up to me & states in a very dry, monotone voice that she is sorry that she couldn't stay out longer but her & Rich must.... ( I don't remember I think I got distracted by the different colours that were being placed in my hands)

We finish off every ounce of booze that we have in the house & piled into cabs to head down to Mavericks on the Waterfront where the real fun began. Eileen, our little mixologist, was showing everyone her best Rakishi (a WWE wrestler that wears a sumo & slaps his own ass) So yes, Eileen hiked up her skirt & spanked herself. Nicole is running around worried because she lost her fiancé, Kris. He was in the cab but is no where to be found in the bar. (Turns out Kris can't hold his booze. He arrived at the bar yes, but headed straight for the staff bathroom and locked himself in for the remainder of the night. He later woke up at 5 am to an empty bar).

I myself am not without a story. I am sitting with Johnny Laroux (pronouced Joooohhhhhnnnniiiiiiieee LA-Roooooooooooooooooooooooooux! and make sure you get the LA really high pitched) when a girl from Kelowna is sitting and explaining to us that her boyfriend hates it when she picks up girls without him there.... um, ok?

End of the night rolls around & she finds me.
"Gimme a kiss Birthday Girl"
I kiss her cheek.
She says "No, on the mouth"

I looked at Johnny & ask "Did I just get hit on?" he says "Yes..... AND IT WAS AWESOME!" Not pleased with that story alone, Johnny went to tell people the next day that I was making out with the girl. When I objected, he simply states "Oh, in my mind you were!"

Thanks.

I bring this up because every so often I get hit on by a women & they aren't subtle. It usually does throw me for a loop as for I can't believe that just came out of their mouth. Last year it happened twice as I was walking down Granville street with my friend DP. He thought it was the greatest thing. I figured I needed to get my shirt in every colour as it was obviously working for me (Girls are picky. At least you know if you're getting hit on by women, you must be doing something right!)

So picture it: It's Saturday night, you & 4o friends head on a bus out to Roosters in Maple Ridge/Pitt Meadows to get your ho-down. Little do you expect how true that statement is.

I knew the night was going to be interesting when I had to assist Stine with a little ID issue. She decided to not lug her wallet around & left it home but this posed a bit of a problem when asked for ID at the door. Being the MacGyver that I am, I whip out my Expo Pass (yes, it's in my wallet) & my birth certificate to lend her. After a couple of dumb founded looks by the doormen, she's let in. Let it be noted that I am again denied being felt up by the security at the door. I wonder if it's my walking over to the wall & spreading em that makes them NOT want to find out if I'm carrying anything suspicious.

I started out the night on the water program. Apparently taking a couple of cold medicine pills followed by several beer makes you smashed. So as the night wore on, I was able to lift my water curse & continue on a functioning drunk. (Really am starting to wonder why I'm single) I think I'm lucid cuz I am not sure how else to explain this next part. I'm dancing with Stine & Chloe when a woman walks up to me and tries doing up the zipper of my jeans and not in a subtle way either. No she sidled right up to me, got in my face put her hand on my crotch & tried doing up my jeans.

Stine & Chloe literally fell over laughing. They are rolling around the dance floor and are of no help to me as this women keeps coming back. She's at me & away.. and at me & away . I wasn't sure if I was to punch her out or buy her a drink. I just kept trying to dance away.

I asked a breathless Chloe if I was just hit on. Because she still couldn't speak she just kind of nodded her head.

Note to self: stay out of the boonies.

Putting the ass in class...

This is what $250 & a bottle of Jagr gets you...

I'm so happy that the bachlor/ette auction pics have finally been uploaded. I need more of these shots for my portfolio.

I've had trouble this week posting as blogger has been buggy.

I See You!

It's Monday morning, and I'm back at work & in attempts to begin working, I've briefly reflected on my weekend. It really could be summed up in one conversation.

I went for breakfast with Stine & her "friend" yesterday and I ask him why he failed to show at the party saturday night & he responds with:

"I did. I talked to you like 3 times"

Yup, it was one of THOSE nights. Our last fundraising party was a huge success. We had tunes & beer until the wee hours of the night. I myself didn't make it that long but you see I'm 30. But shhhhh! Don't tell anyone that as I'm on a 24 year old roll! Yes, this summer is The Lock up Your Brothers Tour!

I'm feeling unoriginal

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