Leanne's Vagina Monologue...
Yes. Really... this is going to be about what it says so if you're a man or really don't to hear the following stir-up story, may be you should move on cuz you're gonna learn something...
I was reading my friend's blog today www.brutallyhonest1.blogspot.com which talked about her "yearly"... as she stated:
Sure, some women out there are reading this & thinking "What's the big deal? I'm in and out... no problem". Yes...... for you. For me, it's a different story. You see, I'm described as having a long... let's say canal for lack of a better or correct term. Yes, I need the extra long duck bill (speculum) in order to get a good view of my cervix but of course no one listens to me.
So I book my "yearly" with my doctor to find out it is a learning clinic & a first year resident is going to do my exam instead of my regularily scheduled doctor who is just around in case anything happens. To my joy it is a woman. I'm really not comfortable enough going to see a man. I draw the line there.
So I get shuffled into the tiny, air conditioned room. Air conditioned because it doesn't have windows but why should a room where you disrobe your bottom half of your body have to be chilly... I'm sitting on metal damn it! Anyways, the resident comes in and is quite lovely. She is probably as uncomfortable as I am as she's about to get to know me really well. So after the regular once over (I may or may not have skin cancer at this point) I have to assume the position. And what a proud position you're put into too. There you are flat on your back, your feet are shoved into some metal stir-ups and your knees are begrudingly spread apart only to be told that you need to "scooch down". So great.. you wiggle your ass forward only to hear "a little more" So now you're flat on your back, feet in stir ups and you feel like your ass is about to fall off the edge of the table while she prys your knees apart to "have a look".
Ok, yes, I will admit it... I've had sex but you know what? He doesn't get a light, open me up & inspect my inner workings at length now does he?
So needless to say, the resident was having some trouble... seems little miss newbie can't really find my cervix... So how about she goes and gets my doctor for some assistance. I mentioned that my resident was lovely and she was. She explained everything she was about to do, she warmed up the speculum for me so it wouldn't "startle" me. She apparently had some time where as my doctor didn't. Nope she rushed in , took a look & said, oh ya, she needs the long one (like I'm not there). Rips out the old one, throws in the new one (no time to warm it up either, I'd like to add) and assumes the position of back catcher.... great, now I got not one but 2 people inspecting my hoo ha.
"do you see it?"
"no"
"yes, it's waaaay in the back"
"oh!.. ya, i think so.. ya, there it is"
Uh -huh... thanks for that quick view into wild kingdom. Can we please move onto the commercial break so I can put my pants back on which would have happened except my doctor forgot her clipboard.
When she entered the examination room, she did so thru a sliding door from her office. A kind of secret entrance if you will . Apparently when she entered the room, I get all the privacy I could handle but What? Seeing as we couldn't find my cervix, I don't deserve the same exit? Ya, no, when she realized that she forgot her clipboard, she swung the hallway door open and stretched herself in to grab it. Ya, Hi.... kinda exposed here. Can you may be shield the dude's eyes behind you for me... Thanks.. that'd be great. Did I mention that the door was at the foot of the table... I hope I never hear "Sorry, I didn't recognize your face"
"We women call it a yearly so we don't have to say the word pap smear in front on men. Most women try to avoid the word smear at all costs when it pertains to anything actually."I myself, say I'm going in for my scraping... ya, I'm horrific. Really, this has got to be one of the most unpleasant duties we have to do as women alongside the many other unpleasant duties that we have to do. No matter when I go in, something happens where for some reason I have to go back just a few weeks later to endure the pride swallowing sequel.
Sure, some women out there are reading this & thinking "What's the big deal? I'm in and out... no problem". Yes...... for you. For me, it's a different story. You see, I'm described as having a long... let's say canal for lack of a better or correct term. Yes, I need the extra long duck bill (speculum) in order to get a good view of my cervix but of course no one listens to me.
So I book my "yearly" with my doctor to find out it is a learning clinic & a first year resident is going to do my exam instead of my regularily scheduled doctor who is just around in case anything happens. To my joy it is a woman. I'm really not comfortable enough going to see a man. I draw the line there.
So I get shuffled into the tiny, air conditioned room. Air conditioned because it doesn't have windows but why should a room where you disrobe your bottom half of your body have to be chilly... I'm sitting on metal damn it! Anyways, the resident comes in and is quite lovely. She is probably as uncomfortable as I am as she's about to get to know me really well. So after the regular once over (I may or may not have skin cancer at this point) I have to assume the position. And what a proud position you're put into too. There you are flat on your back, your feet are shoved into some metal stir-ups and your knees are begrudingly spread apart only to be told that you need to "scooch down". So great.. you wiggle your ass forward only to hear "a little more" So now you're flat on your back, feet in stir ups and you feel like your ass is about to fall off the edge of the table while she prys your knees apart to "have a look".
Ok, yes, I will admit it... I've had sex but you know what? He doesn't get a light, open me up & inspect my inner workings at length now does he?
So needless to say, the resident was having some trouble... seems little miss newbie can't really find my cervix... So how about she goes and gets my doctor for some assistance. I mentioned that my resident was lovely and she was. She explained everything she was about to do, she warmed up the speculum for me so it wouldn't "startle" me. She apparently had some time where as my doctor didn't. Nope she rushed in , took a look & said, oh ya, she needs the long one (like I'm not there). Rips out the old one, throws in the new one (no time to warm it up either, I'd like to add) and assumes the position of back catcher.... great, now I got not one but 2 people inspecting my hoo ha.
"do you see it?"
"no"
"yes, it's waaaay in the back"
"oh!.. ya, i think so.. ya, there it is"
Uh -huh... thanks for that quick view into wild kingdom. Can we please move onto the commercial break so I can put my pants back on which would have happened except my doctor forgot her clipboard.
When she entered the examination room, she did so thru a sliding door from her office. A kind of secret entrance if you will . Apparently when she entered the room, I get all the privacy I could handle but What? Seeing as we couldn't find my cervix, I don't deserve the same exit? Ya, no, when she realized that she forgot her clipboard, she swung the hallway door open and stretched herself in to grab it. Ya, Hi.... kinda exposed here. Can you may be shield the dude's eyes behind you for me... Thanks.. that'd be great. Did I mention that the door was at the foot of the table... I hope I never hear "Sorry, I didn't recognize your face"
1 comments:
How far did she have to look this time to find her clipboard?
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