Least Likely Source...

Now, I'm not going to lie to you... I've gone to a couple of bars in my lifetime *cough* Ok, so I've been to a couple of bars this week. Even though, I've been known to be a bit of a lush, there are some drawbacks to frequenting such locales.

The hangover is an obvious negative and is becoming worse as this broad gets on in her years. Creepy, slimy men that ogle, drool, pathetically attempt to pick you up can be construed as a drawback but due to highly hilarious stories that result, they generally aren't so bad. Over pricing, over crowding & not finding somewhere to sit could be a problem. Even the music could be bad but then you just change locations.

No... all of that can be over come (with the aid of some ibuprofen and a gatorade), it's CRAPPY ass door men that piss you off that you really can't do anything about. They're big, cranky & in my opinion not always of the highest intelligence (Ok, so for arguments sake & because I don't want to hear about it, not ALL doormen are dickheads as I have been friends with a few in my day but for my argument, I need to build some momentum). It's their infuriating nature to which they dangle a good time in front of your face & if you are lucky enough, they will let you in. I thank Studio 54 for creating such a melee. Why some guy that is paid 12/hr decides whether or not I'm allowed in. FINE.. fire codes & over crowding are acceptable but it's when they're a dickhead that really turns me off. As thought the establishment doesn't really need my patronage and whether I come in, has no bearing on them. My favourite is when a bar will keep a line to MAKE it look busy when in fact there is no one inside.

I vowed after I turned 25 to not wait in useless line ups any more. If it's a matter of clearing the coat check... fine. If it's 5 minutes... fine but you reach an age & you start to know enough people, that really, you shouldn't have to WAIT the 3 hours you did when you were 18.

CASE IN POINT. Friday night, I was out for Stine's bf's birthday (nickname to come), and we decided after dinner to go to the Beagle for drinks. The beagle is a pub in Kits located on Broadway. We like it because you know a few people there & it's busy enough for that party feel you're craving.... As my friends were waiting to enter, up walks little blonde thing that shook her tits up to the doorman. As she was talking, Dark Bunny got a little impatient. We MAY have had one bottle of saki too many at the restaurant but lippy is not what Dark Bunny is. Hell, I've never even seen her raise her voice.... well, not in a serious way. So when she said "ok honey, are you going to seal the deal or what?" we laugh because HELLO! it's a joke. I find out that she said this as she was being escorted from the line.

You see, when I showed up to meet them, the doorman looked us & declared that none of us were getting in. We looked at him dumbfounded & he relented & said "Ok. SHE'S not getting in because she was rude to my friend" Ok.. WTF?? are you serious. Dude, you know that chick will never sleep with you right? She already got what she wanted and by the way.... it's the Beagle. Get over yourself which is what I mentioned to him after we decided to leave. Yea, I felt like mentioning to him that he's retarded so I may not be allowed back there either.

Course, this is the same place I came with Kung Yu one night where upon falling out of the cab, I marched right in to the pub not feeling one care in the world. I would even say I traipsed in as though I was entitled. So after Kung Yu pointed out I walked right in, Shaloah & Stine pointed out I walked right in, & then doorman came in after me & exclaimed "you walked right in" I couldn't for the life of me, figure out what the problem was & could only answer back "yea....... and?" and then we stared at each other.

This was much in the same manner the uncomfortable silences I shared with my father. He would approch my bedroom door & ask if I took out the garbage. After I would reply "yes", (and only in that tone an 18 year old can muster after years of breeding resentment) we would just stare at each other waiting for the other to add something to the conversation. He in my doorway and me sitting on my bed. Only he could break the awkward confrontation & would by walking away. I wouldn't talk to him again til the next day. Our phone conversations pretty much work in this kind of flow continuum hence my reluctance to phone him.

However, in this instance, it seemed simple to me. This was a bar, I want to drink, I walk in.... Unbeknown st to my beer goggles (more of beer shields. The kind that gives you tunnel vision and takes away your side perspective), I wasn't aware of the small line up that had formed. Needless to say, I won. Nor do I still understand the problem that night as the place was empty and all anyone could say to me was "you walked right in"... YES yes, i did.. No one is here so why is this an issue? that and I think I'm pretty darn special. The special police told me so when managed to rescue a dozen puppies from a burning building with my bare hands. Now if that's not miller time then I don't know what is.