Apparently, I've Got Options.

My 25th birthday was probably one of the best birthdays I ever had. It was the weekend of the year-end ultimate tournament and Nice Cake won our division in our innaugural tournament. So to celebrate, we got some beers & ordered pizza to the UBC field while we chilled out & watched the other games. Afterwards we got cleaned up & met back at Sandra's house where we had a martini party. I was smart and decided to show up a little late as I knew what was in store for me that evening and what a good move that was because what I arrived to was a pure gong show.

It seemed like people were learing at you and coming at you from all sorts of directions. Mostly because A: drunk people have no attention span and can only mutter out a few coherent words & B: drunk people can't stand well and are swaying all over the place.

Eileen was the token barmaid and was in the kitchen shaking drinks with booze flying everywhere, asking me what colour I wanted.. pink? purple? blue? What seemed to have escaped everyone was the fact they were martinis as they drank them like they were shooters. Everyone was in complete chaos. That is except Lisa Unis. She was dead sober, walks up to me & states in a very dry, monotone voice that she is sorry that she couldn't stay out longer but her & Rich must.... ( I don't remember I think I got distracted by the different colours that were being placed in my hands)

We finish off every ounce of booze that we have in the house & piled into cabs to head down to Mavericks on the Waterfront where the real fun began. Eileen, our little mixologist, was showing everyone her best Rakishi (a WWE wrestler that wears a sumo & slaps his own ass) So yes, Eileen hiked up her skirt & spanked herself. Nicole is running around worried because she lost her fiancé, Kris. He was in the cab but is no where to be found in the bar. (Turns out Kris can't hold his booze. He arrived at the bar yes, but headed straight for the staff bathroom and locked himself in for the remainder of the night. He later woke up at 5 am to an empty bar).

I myself am not without a story. I am sitting with Johnny Laroux (pronouced Joooohhhhhnnnniiiiiiieee LA-Roooooooooooooooooooooooooux! and make sure you get the LA really high pitched) when a girl from Kelowna is sitting and explaining to us that her boyfriend hates it when she picks up girls without him there.... um, ok?

End of the night rolls around & she finds me.
"Gimme a kiss Birthday Girl"
I kiss her cheek.
She says "No, on the mouth"

I looked at Johnny & ask "Did I just get hit on?" he says "Yes..... AND IT WAS AWESOME!" Not pleased with that story alone, Johnny went to tell people the next day that I was making out with the girl. When I objected, he simply states "Oh, in my mind you were!"

Thanks.

I bring this up because every so often I get hit on by a women & they aren't subtle. It usually does throw me for a loop as for I can't believe that just came out of their mouth. Last year it happened twice as I was walking down Granville street with my friend DP. He thought it was the greatest thing. I figured I needed to get my shirt in every colour as it was obviously working for me (Girls are picky. At least you know if you're getting hit on by women, you must be doing something right!)

So picture it: It's Saturday night, you & 4o friends head on a bus out to Roosters in Maple Ridge/Pitt Meadows to get your ho-down. Little do you expect how true that statement is.

I knew the night was going to be interesting when I had to assist Stine with a little ID issue. She decided to not lug her wallet around & left it home but this posed a bit of a problem when asked for ID at the door. Being the MacGyver that I am, I whip out my Expo Pass (yes, it's in my wallet) & my birth certificate to lend her. After a couple of dumb founded looks by the doormen, she's let in. Let it be noted that I am again denied being felt up by the security at the door. I wonder if it's my walking over to the wall & spreading em that makes them NOT want to find out if I'm carrying anything suspicious.

I started out the night on the water program. Apparently taking a couple of cold medicine pills followed by several beer makes you smashed. So as the night wore on, I was able to lift my water curse & continue on a functioning drunk. (Really am starting to wonder why I'm single) I think I'm lucid cuz I am not sure how else to explain this next part. I'm dancing with Stine & Chloe when a woman walks up to me and tries doing up the zipper of my jeans and not in a subtle way either. No she sidled right up to me, got in my face put her hand on my crotch & tried doing up my jeans.

Stine & Chloe literally fell over laughing. They are rolling around the dance floor and are of no help to me as this women keeps coming back. She's at me & away.. and at me & away . I wasn't sure if I was to punch her out or buy her a drink. I just kept trying to dance away.

I asked a breathless Chloe if I was just hit on. Because she still couldn't speak she just kind of nodded her head.

Note to self: stay out of the boonies.