Why I'm Single...

I am a faithful Starbucks drinker. I go if not once a day but 2 or 3 times. If I stopped drinking from there, I could probably save up a down payment for a condo. So needless to say, the Starbucks staff knows me & they know what I drink. Sometimes they have the drink done & ready for me before I even order. (That's the one time I change it up as I like to f*ck w/ them. It's really my only joy during the day). My new caffinated religion started when I first moved downtown about 5 years ago. Vancouver's downtown core alternates between sushi restaurants and Starbucks' locations. If you don't believe go stand on the corner of Thurlow & Robson and view the opposing coffee shops. But the new proximity made it easy for me to gain a new found addiction and our love affair began.

When I first moved downtown, I lived in the west end with 2 girls that had nothing other then a fateful ending. My Starbucks located on Davie & Cardero next to the Safeway where I was robbed on my birthday (yea, 31 was great but I digress). There were 2 guys that worked there that I always chatted with. One had a delightful accent & would inadvertently give me grandés when I'd only order talls. The other was a goofy looking but friendly manager. I really didn't think to much of it back then. I mean, when I worked retail, I chatted with our regulars too. It creates good relationships right?

However, things at home weren't as sympatico and it was decided that it would be best if I moved out. For those that know me, know that well, I’m not exactly easy going… no, I think I’ve heard the saying: Leanne, RELAX, many many times. Yes, I can work myself into quite the frenzy and even more so on moving day. So caught up in all I had to do that day, I thought I’d take a break and run down to my west end Starbucks just ONE more time. The friendly manager was working that April morning and was telling me about the great day he was having. His manager had came in that morning and had given him TWO Canuck Playoff tickets.

Now, for those not huge hockey fans, not from Vancouver or even Canada for that matter may not know what a coveted item hockey playoff tickets are in Vancouver. They sell out FAST and have to be one of the best things about hockey (playoffs that is).

So as he’s gloating about his glorious present he mentions that he has NO IDEA who he can take with him to the game that night….

My response: Oh yea? Well, good luck with that. And I walked away from his crest fallen face.

As the door was hitting on me on the ass, I realize "DOH!” that was the biggest hint drop EVER but what was I supposed to do then? Go running back in & say.. OH TAKE ME! TAKE ME! I get it now?

Yea, not so much. But like I said he was goofy looking & the Nucks lost anyways. Even better was the fact that I moved & never went into that location again. So dude probably thought it was him... meh.

This gave me a little insight to why I must be single… I’m retarded. Has to be as the retardation reared it's ugly head again just last nite. As I was out w/ some friends for a post bday drink, I got chatted up by a guy that I HAD met before (about a week and a half ago) and was making a pretty obvious play for me… or at least showing he was interested. THAT much I got. However, he says to me "I hope to see you again" & I respond with .. "yea, you will" (non Shaloah way)... Fueled by the fact my friends thought he was cute led me to a quick panic about exactly how will I see you again? how will this happen? or when? in November? Yea, I got nothing. Not a oh, sure.. why don't you call me? or, you should come to this. (course being that I rarely go out, I have nothing to invite him too. The Sex in the City characters always conveniently had openings and parties on the go.) My friends mentioned that there really wasn't really anything else I could have said there but coming from a newly married and a newly boyfriended, they dont' know what it's like to be desperate er I mean a woman on the go.

So Great. Now I have to resort back to grade nine tactics and go stalk Malone's patio. Worst is that I saw Hoops there & he'll probably think I'm stalking him.. WHICH I'm not.. setting the record straight.. AIN'T YOU... the other one.. the other one I'm stalking but in a good way.

Nothing about me feels 32...

I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that I spent Sunday at the PNE with Splatter Platter and Madame High Kicks & was waaaaaaay to into the Superdogs show. (they really are SUPER dogs... ) Perhaps I don't feel 32 because we watched the toon town parade that featured adolescent boys lip syncing to crappy music which forced me to wonder whether or not their balls have dropped. I'm not kidding the cheese factor was so high, I was waiting for Uncle Jesse to come out from behind a tree.

I know it definitely has nothing to do with only seeing people I know in the beer garden. My friends pointed out it seemed weird that I knew no one ALL day OUTSIDE the beer garden but IN the beer garden, I knew 5 people. What can I say? Like minded people tend to hang out at the same place.

I know that without doubt, it has nothing to do with the fact we watched Trooper because when "raise a little hell" was released I was learning to pee in the toilet and therefore I am too young to be nostalgic. (BTW.... There are still Trooper fans. Odd I know as I thought half the band would be dead by now but I saw someone wearing a Trooper t-shirt from a show in Nunavut 2006.... These people came to the PNE specifically to see Trooper to have a good time, not a long time. Still waiting for Uncle Jesse to take the stage.)

I'm still having a face off with the eye cream that I got for my birthday last year and have yet to use it... Only old ladies use eye cream right? So that couldn't be an age feeling factor.

It also has nothing to do with the fact that I want to learn to play the Air Jazz Flute. I have air drums down as well as air guitar (Although, still haven't mastered jumping off the speakers while rocking out the guitar but I was always a little clumsy)

Side Bar: Madame High Kicks & I went to the bathroom at the Hastings race course because the men to woman ratio there is about 9:1 so the line up for the bathroom was nil. However, the ratio of live creepy men to dead ones was ALSO 9:1. MHK pointed out a toothless wonder sitting in front of a gaming screen as we exited the loo. So sure that this man was dead (his feet were propped up & he was passed out & there was no motion to him whatsoever) that we wouldn't even poke him. Rather, we just tossed trash at him to see if he'd flinch... nothing. So instead of notifying someone, we just booked it (OK, so we never threw anything at him... we just took pictures. kidding.... sort of)

No, splatter platter came in & wondered what we were horrified by. Seeing the dead man, he then proceeded to rip off his shirt & revive the man back to life by cradling him in his arms while singing you are the wind beneath my wings. When the man awoke, SP then played a mean air flute, we laughed & then got a beer with Uncle Jesse.

Because I kept tooting about how wonderful my former pets were, here are a couple of pictures.

At the last second, Elmo batted at the lens cap cover. Made for the most adorable picture. Although, you don't get a sense of how large he really was.

Mumford at Christmas. We had deer antlers too but he REALLY hated those & would try to eat them. Dogs apparently would rather be Santa then the reindeer... as shown here. You can see him smiling!!!

It's Confirmed...

My Poet is completely crazy and Lady confirmed that she has gnomes at her work as well. She can not explain why fabric samples go missing so often. I may have forgotten to mention that they steal stuff alongside messing up your place.

Things that Freak Me Out....

One is called Rob Loblaw...

I've received 2 more letters from him since my last post & my new theory is that he knows this site exists or he really is that odd. I'm at a point now where I only have an acct to have something to write about.... because I fear who it is I attract. Just today I hada 41yr old creepy friend of a friend email on facebook to tell me I could write on his wall anytime.

Second Letter from From Rob:
Subject: Breakfast Club

"YOU BURNT ME SO BAD MY LIFE IS SLOWLY PEELING AWAY.YOU HURT ME IN A WAY ONLY THE CAST FROM THE BREAKFAST CLUB COULD UNDERSTAND. "

Third Letter
Subject: Things That Move Me

"THE FIRE IN YOUR EYES SPEAKS TO ME TELLING ME TO PUT ON PYROMANIA BY DEF LEPPARD.I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THINGS THAT MOVE ME LIKE ELEVATORS,ESCALATOTRS,ROLLERCOASTERS...ETC.WHAT KINDS OF THINGS MOVE YOU?"

uhhhhhhh..... yea.

Happy Birthday To Me???

For the first time in four years, I did not get the exact same birthday card from my father. Which made me sad in a way as I was collecting them and in a couple of more years was planning on making a necklace. I give him credit for still finding a card that manages to laugh AT me upon opening it but at least it isn't the same goofy tiger but rather was replaced with a fairy holding an umbrella (insert the annoying Rhianna song).

No, it isn't my birthday so please hold your accolades. No, tonight I went out to Surrey (giant hole east of Vancouver... if you're offended too bad, it sucks) for dinner for my Dad's wife's birthday. Yes, the step monster got a year older but not a year closer to death by my guess. No, I think as she gets older, she gains more strength & power so that one day she will be able to eat my head with one giant bite.

Yes, every year on August 20, I trek out to Surrey to attend a birthday dinner and give her my overpriced present. This year was of no exception and I was phoned & informed that she would like an overpriced shampoo & conditioner she saw on Oprah that you can only find at Holt Renfrew (therefore, I've also concluded that she comes downtown several times a year and doesn't phone so I can see why I would want to buy her presents.... )

I sound bitter I know but you see, my birthday is NEXT week so my dad kills two birds with one stone when I go out for the dinner. When we arrived at my sister's place and was getting out of the car, my dad asks "do you have a purse". I thought he was ensuring I took everything out of the car when he all of the sudden hands me my envelope. No pomp & circumstance. No Happy Birthday just a quick shove under my nose & he turned and walked into the house...... thanks?

At least I knew right then and there I would be free next week because GOD FORBID I have a birthday dinner with my father. Seeing him twice within a week. (so side bar: I'm free next monday... drinks anyone?????)

No, now I probably won't see him til around Christmas and considering I am planning on going somewhere hot this year (vowed that to myself as I was trekking thru a foot of snow in Edmonton.... Seeing as I didn't get a chance to see any of the Ukranians, I didn't even get any freakin' Perogies last year... NO! this year I'm drinking Pina Colodas while tanning on a beach and I don't care who's around!). So in light of said vacation plans, I probably could push off seeing him til about March. Five bucks says I don't speak to him now til October.

They Live Among Us...

No, I'm not talking about aliens. I'm speaking of something waaaaaay more rational and believable. I'm talking about gnomes or a facsimile of.

Yes, it's true. They live among us. I can't say exactly where as I've never seen one but I'm going to take a guess and say they're either under my bed, couch or in the corners of the closet.

My only basis of reasoning is that I have NO IDEA how my apartment gets as messy as it does. I've had several theories on this. One is that I'm home more these days so therefore there is just more clutter. However, I'm home more and can clean up these messes. Then I realized that when I'm not home much, I can come home some days & it looks like my apartment just threw up everywhere. So because I haven't been home, the cleaning just gets away from me.

HOWEVER! if I'm NOT home, how does it get messy and that's when I realized that I must have little gnomes that live in my apartment and mess it up because god forbid, I'm a pig. It's not me nor could it possibly be me as I'm near perfect and considering my one flaw is my giant egocentric attitude, it isn't my inability to put things back in a drawer.

As soon as I capture a picture of one of these suckers, I'll post it online but they're tricky. They're patient. They wait long hours for you to go to sleep & wait forever for you to leave home to come out & destroy. I know they are patient because in April when I wasn't sleeping, apartment was tidy... coincidence? I think not!

Ode to me...

Just when I didn't think there was anything that could really cheer me up these days I received this little ditty.. Normally I don't paste word for word emails (such a huge liar I am) but I felt that this sufficiently freaked and weirded me out at the same time:

A poem to me:

YOUR SKIN IS AS TENDER AS A PERFECTLY COOKED LEG OF LAMB AT MY FAVORITE GREEK RESTAURANT.
BLEKA-FLAMENDER ZOOZMAN,GUN-STIG NEDER TOM-TON DA -VOMPING DAS VEENER-SNAWD.

YOUR SMILE FILLS THE ROOM IN WHITE LIGHT A WHITE LIGHT SO STRONG IT CONSUMES ME...LIKE A MAN CAUGHT IN AN AVALANCHE.......A FEMALE AVALANCHE THAT IM IN LOVE WITH AND SERENADE EVERY NIGHT.
FREETRE-VEEKER IMPA OODLE VEEP-VEEP DAS VEENER-SNAWD.

THE WIND BLEW LIKE A MILLION FANS FILLING AN ITALIAN SOCCER STADIUM.
SNEW-KEY FIN-SUM DA BUN-TON EZLAR DA SARKEY-SNEWD.

THE DAY WAS LIKE THE NIGHT ONLY WITH LIGHT AND THE NIGHT WAS LIKE THE DAY ONLY WITHOUT LIGHT.


Now, I don't know what that is in the italics (I've made this easier to read than what I got as it was one giant run on lump in my inbox). I would assume it is a different language only no language I've ever seen.

I'm open to interpretations.... go for it

I don't know anymore....

I actually woke up this morning and decided that I didn't want to write in this ever again. I have felt this has become utterly pointless & lame and actually was resenting people all together... as the day wore on, the anger receded mostly because of recent events.

A friend of ours (me, brutal, bell, jammer, watson, tito, dark etc...), suddenly and tragically died on Friday while Houseboating. We're awaiting the autopsy results to know for sure what happened. While dealing with all the tragedy of Jimmy pop, I found out my friend's dad passed away yesterday. I adored him. Very sweet man and very kind. My darling friend is not doing well in all of this chaos. It was expected to happen this week as he had stomache cancer and was really just hanging on at this point. I don't know if the double dose of bad news is hitting me hard or his passing is making me remember how hard it was when my own mother died.

Right now, I'm not finding much funny these days, I hope things will get better & I hope the pain is getting a little less strong for my dear friends. I wish I could be out there in Alberta with you tomorrow but unfortunately I can't be everywhere. My heart will be with you.

Life is Short...

I haven't been posting as of late much because my computer has decided to not let itself turn on. So in order to maintain work flow, I have been borrowing a computer back at my old office at Momentum. Although, it is very kind of them, not having your own computer is such an inconvenience. I thought that would be the extent of crappy things to happen last week.

Went up to whistler this weekend with several friends only to have it turn completely sideways and am having a hard time making heads or tails of everything. Life is short and *poof* in a moment it can change forever.

Cherish your friends, your family & yourself. With that being said, I want my friends to know that they all mean so much to me & without each of you, I'd be a basket case. You all bring so much to my life & I love all of you for just what you are... you.

He Took It Out....

Ever kiss a guy and after a couple of minutes he un-does his pants? Ok, so let me clarify that. Ever kiss a guy for the FIRST time and after a couple of minutes, he starts to un-do his pants? REALLY? that's not normal? Maybe someone should have pointed that out to buddy friday night... wait, I did as I went running out of the house.


Ok... so may be alcohol played a factor in the evening (it's me.... when doesn't it?) but I just don't know what he was thinking.... that if he did it, I would feel compelled to take off my own clothes? or rather, if it was out, I would get all excited & do other sorts of crazy things? Either way, it just made me run. ALTHOUGH Sunday... Sunday was a different story.. TOTALLY put out sunday. That'll show pants off guy.

Best Break Up Ever!!!!

Actually, it wasn't so much of a break up was it rather was closure. I figured though after no returning his last text, I wouldn't hear from him again but gay boy popped online yeterday to say hi & inform me it had been a long time. He wanted to let me know that he had been working every day. I was being abrupt but I finally figured, meh... just put this out of it's misery or he'll keep talking to you... I just let him know in the nicest way possible ... it's just not there. To which he told me he thought so but really there was no harm no foul as that was dating is. You go out a couple of times & figure out if you like each other and seeing as I avoided him like the plague when we were out, there was no awkward yea, but we slept together yada yada.

But what the real best part was (aside from doing it via msn) was that we had said earlier that there was no point in being friends post dating as we already have those... so he'll just go away.. he'll just disappear.. He'll just poof! be gone... OH!!!! I'm so happy. No trainwreck here. Guess there is an upside to dating a gay man.