Odds'n'Ends

This is from the infamous Night I lost my keys... looking at the expression on my face, I'm just as surprised as you are that, that could happen... I mean ME.. lose my keys?? never would have thought. Tina looks kinda sauced too.

and yes, it's what you see.... I still don't understand how that happened. And although I'm wearing the same thing. This is from a different night from me losing keys.

Why am I voluntarily posting bad photos of myself... let's fixt that shall we?

Little girls night out.... crazy cleavage club we got going on there and people say girls love attention... I don't believe it.

Me & Brutal after the Wine festival.... at least we're smiling...

I have no idea what I'm doing with my mouth here. I think I'm trying different ways to smile. Thanks D for making this a cute pic. Sorry Bell for posting this.


It's about here where I gave up smiling & just started making faces. That's the infamous Jammer with me.

Me & Tito. I'm sunburnt after one afternoon in the sun. Day after wine fest. Tito just came back from Canucks game with Jammer. Don't know why he's smiling we're hung, the Canucks lost & Jammer is waving her Flames jersey in our faces.

You get what you put out there...

I've tossed & turned on this one.... but I'm not above slinging sh*t about someone else. Especially when that someone is whom I so loving refer to as Trainwreck. Yes, he's back... and in a big way.

Friday, my boss decided that in the afternoon, it would be a great time to have a mandatory meeting to discuss the strategy of the company. So me & my hung over ass sat there til 5pm listening to the yada yada of the company. (Was out til 4am the night before at my auction... The afternoon couldn't go fast enough!)

During a break, I see that I have a voice message from Trainwreck pleading with me to call him as he has something super important to ask me. The worst flies through my head. I won't go on here what I thought he could be asking me but with a little hesistation, I ring him back.

"Hey Leanne, thanks for phoning me. I'm just wondering... "

pause for dramatic effect.

"are you leaving nasty comments about me on Craigslist?"

Ok, I'm sorry, can you say that into my good ear? Are you f'n kidding me? I didn't say that to him although, I should have. I just said no, I'm not 14 and then he tried to go on to explain what was going on and well, I just don't have the time or patience for it, so I hung up.

What really got me at that point was that I couldn't get over how self centered this person must be to think that I care enough about him to go & write crap about him on craigslist?? Come on! I save that stuff for my blog, thank-you.

Anyways, needless to say, the curiousity got the better of me so later that night, after telling Brutal the story we went on craigslist to find this thread of hate. I started in 'rants & raves'. There was a little reference of him there but it pointed to 'missed connections' and they're using his name so it was easy to find the 20 posts!! There are A LOT of pissed off ladies in this city ladies & gentlemen. I'm sorry but I laughed my ass off. Apparently, they met for breakfast on Saturday. I texted him to let him know that I found the thread & that's why I keep my distance for him. He replied back with some crap about it being some bitter person. I felt it was moot to point out that he created his own Sh*t storm. Instead I told him I found it really funny... and said the same thing to him again on Sunday... and just today texted that I was still laughing... It's pretty juvenile on my part but after the crap he rolled me through, I'm glad some of it has been slung back in his face.

That's that.

The Soundtrack to My Life...

Because of my hectic week, I've been neglecting my Facebook time. One of my 'friends' posted this game which I thought was kinda funny....

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your music library.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. According to this rule, you can't lie.



Opening Credits:
Get Ready For This - 2 Unlimited (I smell a Cheerleader's Life)

Waking up:
Weight of the World - Blue October

First Day at High school:
Sweet Child O'Mine - G'n'R (I THINK that really happened)

Falling In Love:
Try a Little Tenderness - Michael Bubblé

Fight Song:
Hurts So Good - John Mellencamp (well, I am ironic)

Breaking Up:
Long Time Gone - Dixie Chicks (good riddance!!)

Prom:
When I'm Gone - 3 Doors Down (picturing the slow dance scene right now... "I like your sleeves")

Life:
Start Me Up - Rolling Stones

Mental Breakdown:
Been A Long Time Since I Rock & Rolled - Led Zepplin (good drum beat for a crazy person)

Driving:
Hannakah Song - Adam Sandler (of course)

Flashback:
We Built This City on Rock & Roll - Starship (pretty appropriate)

Getting Back Together:
Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Wedding:
Ain't Too Proud to Beg - TLC (LMAO!!!!)

Birth of Child:
Pick Up the Pieces - Average White Band

Final Battle:
Knocking on Heavens Door - GNR

Death Scene:
If My Heart Had Wings - Faith Hill

Funeral Song:
Lemon - U2 (awesome)

End Credit:
Fly Away - Lenny Kravitz (annnnnd scene)

my feet hurt too.

my head hurts.

What You Want Me To Know...

I live in a high rise in downtown Vancouver on the 17th floor (gorgeous view). So needless to say, I see familiar faces on a regular basis in my elevator. One such person is a man that lives the floor below me. He owns a bull dog that I happen to adore as I think bull dogs are the cutest things in the entire world. I love that they look all squished in & you can hear them breathing a block away... anyways, not the point. In recent weeks, I've seen him a few times and always with dog in tow. Sometimes going out for the walk (on occasion carrying the dog, bull dogs do get bad arthritis), coming in etc or just passing in the lobby. Every time however the dog either sniffs me or breathes in my general direction.

Finally last night, we both get on the elevator to go up. After a couple of floors, he asks me (never having really spoken to each other before, with the exception of hello), "What do you do?" (in some sort of accent) I figure he's asking me as I always look like I just got out of bed.

"I'm an Art Director" I say.

floor 6....
floor 7...

"I own a bakery in Vegas"


OK.... and here's your floor.

I still haven't figured out why he really wanted to tell me that. After I mentioned that I was just there visiting friends, he informed me where his house was which I couldn't relay at this point. His accent muddled his speech. What I would like to know is, who winters in Vancouver? Is he mad? Vegas does dip down but it sure a hell of a lot better then this crap we just went through.

You Think You Know Someone...

I have many friends... Some new, some quite old (in terms of the friendships. Don't get your panties in a knot). Nanz is one of my oldest friends having met her on the first day of grade 3 and have managed to remain close over these past 23 years.

Princess Nalini and her entire family have been dear to me for quite some time. One person in that clan is her cousin, Tulip. Tulip is a couple of years older then us & has served as both a friend and a big sister to not only Nalini but to me as well. I've looked up to her. She's always had a good head on her shoulders and a strong sense of self that I truly respect and admire. So you could imagine the horror I faced when she tried to set me on fire.

Yes, my friends have reached new heights. No longer are the random punches to the head, the tackles or facewashes... we've added FIRE!!!!

Let me take you back to a place I like to call Whistler. A nice little ski resort community nestled one and a half hours north of Vancouver and host to the 2010 Winter Games. Conveniently close enough for a weekend get away but conveniently far enough away to let the debauchery unfold.

Cut to Saturday morning. Princess Nalini, her boyfriend, VW, and BFF flew into Vancouver the night before. Never having been to Canada let alone Vancouver before, we thought it best to take VW and BFF up to Whistler and show them how great things really are up here. Lucky for us Telus was on that weekend & I can honestly say that I've never seen Whistler as busy as it was. GONG SHOW can not even begin to describe it.

VW and I managed to scrounge up a seat at Longhorn to watch the Canucks lose game 6 (Won game 7 though!!!! Told you).

Seeing as we just sat down & it is 3pm there is nothing better then to do then a round of shots followed by MANY pitchers of beer. The rest of the group joined us (Tulip & Rosh aka the Drunkenator in tow) only to imbibe in MORE shooters and MORE Beer. As we were bringing ourselves one step closer to cirrhosis, Tulip informed us that there is a party in room 214 at 2 am.. EXCELLENT, the dance-off was scheduled and I was the star dancer (Insert jazz hands).

Turns out VW can't keep up with Canadian girls. We sent his ass back to the condo around 8pm. Not pleased with the puke that speckled our room, we proceeded to draw all over him with make up & take photos (Post TBD). If you're going to drink with the Canadian girls... you gotta keep it in your mouth like Canadian Girls .. WAIT.. that sounds dirty.... swallow with the Canadian girls.. NO, not that either.... Oh forget it. They're my friends, I'm sure they have some sort of past.

As we were locked out of room for post puke clean-up, we couldn't help but notice the police pay a visit to our floor.. more specifically to room 214. Yes, our little party room was getting shut down. Apparently the hotel frowns up on you running around naked high on acid, screaming at the top of your lungs.

Here I thought he was into me.. turns out I still have no radar. Oh well, there were plenty of 26 year olds to go around. Don't have to go for the overly aggressive, naked one EVERY time do I? At 2am his friends were out a room and still didn't know where he was. I really hope that guy isn't lodged up in a cave somewhere adopted by some momma grizzly forever known as 'cub'.

If you're wondering what this has to do with setting me on fire, the answer is nothing. It's still only about 9pm at this point. Once we were allowed back in the room, we just chilled out, drew on VW, got our drink on (MORE drink on is a better way to say it) stole items from the hotel and got ready.

Seeing as it was the busiest time of year in Whistler, there was NO WAY we were getting into the usual haunts (Bills, Garfs). At 10pm there were mega packs of people lined up and the village was a chaos of drunken types making their way from one patio to another. Which is why we skipped dinner and went straight for Citta's patio (pronounced Cheeta). On that menu that night was Tulip & the Drunkenator...

Oh yea, the bartender took a fancy to them... that is after I dropped 50 on a round of drinks for everyone (doh!). It wasn't the gong show I normally crave. No one was paying attn to me! So I declared I was bored & tired (to my credit, I have been drinking since 11am). Not to let me go down in defeat, the drunkenator decided to test a hypothesis on me. "If you just drink tons, you'll have way more fun" so in pops a jagr bomb & a double gin and seven... hypothesis proven correct. I did have more fun. It's also about this time I started getting really good ideas & well, let's just say until I do see that video on Youtube.com, I'm not sharing what happened after that.

Seeing as we missed dinner, Tulip was craving meat... literally. That's all she could talk about... "Where's my steak?" "I'm hungry" "I could really eat some meat" "Why didn't we have dinner" " Where's the beef?".

So we gathered ourselves, paid for the one drink & decided to get food. On the ride up, we're sharing stories from parties past... who knew my saying that I've never seen Tulip hammered would serve as foreshadowing. Because, when I was walking through the village and I happened to quickly snap around, there is Tulip at the base of my coat holding a lighter snickering quite snidely. It's here when I saw her inner crazy.

So I tell her to NOT set fire to me. Apparently she wasn't trying to set fire to me so much as set fire to my jacket... yes, much better. I'm sorry that my coat was longer then everyone else's & it seemed to bother you. As I was taking her lighters away from her, she also divulged that in school she set fire to her desk... awesome.

I think I'd rather be punched in the head & I really never thought I'd utter that sentence.

What Do You Want For Christmas?

All Work & No Sleep Make Leanne.......

CRAZY... my god! I'm a freakin' zoo. Not only do I not feel like myself (the bubbly, effervescent, blonde bombshell that I am.... ) instead I'm moody, I'm sensitive, I'm impatient and I'm angry. Yea, I didn't buy that either... I'm pretty normal but I yawn more & forget......................


words I want to use.

I have had troubles sleeping since I had my cold last week and I think my anxiety and stress are just starting to compound it.

Every night I have been waking up at the same time between 3:30 am to 3:45 am and then I'm hop out of bed, start your day, wide awake. No matter what time I go to bed, no matter how exhausted when my head finally hits my pillow, couch, floor, table, what have you... I wake up at the same time. When I decided to rebuff the familiar and go to bed AT 330... I just turn around and pop up at 7 am (Why I left Penticton so early). My body is working on four hours of sleep a night and it ain't gud.

I did wake Monday & Tuesday night at 330 and managed to drift back off however, like clockwork, my eyes pop open. I feel like I'm in some mild version of Groundhog Day written by Charlie Kaufman (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation) where I'm trying to come to grips with some alternate reality and I just sit listlessly at night staring at the empty programming TV has to offer in the wee hours... before you know it, I'm part of that show & my reality turns into these episodes and eventually am unable to differentiate between TV and reality. One moment I'm stuck in a cyclical tirade of infomercials. Next scene I'm on a date with Zack Morris. Either way I lose. I hated Zack Morris and don't get me wrong, I would not have gone for Slater either. A man in acid wash jeans & a tank top does NOT do it for me. (I know this because that is what he was wearing this morning as I was watching)

Another running theory I've been playing with is whether or not the fact I was born at 330am has anything to do with this recurring blip but it sure is serving as a weird coinky-dink. (HEY, you lie awake for hours and see what thoughts that flow through your mind).

Either way, I don't know why I'm waking up at the same time. I don't know if my body is becoming programmed. Don't know I'm having a recurring dream that startles me awake as I don't remember anything and normally I DO remember my wonked out surreal dreams (THAT is for another post another time). Perhaps I'm just so stressed & anxiety ridden that I can't relax as I do feel plagued with the same recurring thoughts as I lay there.

So thank you for your different suggestions... Yes, gravol is effective and not addictive like sleeping pills. Then of course, there has been the more holistic approach suggested by some where I just need to "release" my tension. Yes, that thought has crossed my mind............... but it just seems like it's one more thing to do and really, enough already, I just want to roll over & go to sleep.

Isn't THIS Weird?

I dated someone off & on for seven years (not the weird part) but it has been over for quite some time and he even has met someone & planning on marrying her at the end of June.

We may not have ended amicably, but did manage to scrape together some form of a friendship. (If I recall, to end our not speaking for four months, I walked over to him at a birthday party & punched him in the arm. Apparently, I'm 4.)

Anyways, I was chatting with him today online and he mentioned that he considered me to design his wedding invitations............ Now is it me or is that wrong?????

I know we get along. I know we call eachother friends but isn't there a line? I don't know if I were in a loving, committed relationship it would be different... Nope.. no it wouldn't.

I think there are just some things that you don't ask your ex and designing your wedding invitations is just one of them. I could just see them now. Knowing me, I'd probably put in a subliminal "Shiraz sucks goats" somewhere in the invite seeing as he'd want me to do all the design for him for free but then turn around and not invite me... you know cuz we're such good friends.

Right.

Is Sexy Time...

Been working hard on this my friends (not the design. Those props go to Stine & her fabulous design skills.) No, I've been concentrating on rounding up the victims .. ER.. I mean dates (I keep saying that!). Make it out next Thursday & see the action go down!!

I'll have bells on... I swear!

Odds'n'Ends

Could say I've been busy at work today... that is, I could as I am busy and I am at work.... just so happens that I'm not doing busy with actual business work.... busy with our upcoming Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction. Rounding up victims errr I mean auctionees to be sold off.

I'm sitting with 9 girls & 8 guys and am still scrambling to find men.. WHERE ARE THEY? I thought this was the species that liked to get laid. Turns out they're picky.. harumph! Women on the other hand have been asking me if they could be sold because they want a reason to dress up.. too too funny.

By the way if you want to see a good time, Come down out next Thursday April 26th. Regular mentions on this blog that will be auctioned of are: Shaloa, Dunner, Karate Girl, and Wine Rep.

If you all recall, I did it last year.

Other boring news: I inspired a radio network to reconsider one of their formats. They were so impressed by my work that it catalyst them to review & reformat... I THINK it's a compliment as I just created 2 months of solid work for myself. Damn me and my creative genius. Careful... who knows where these magic fingers will fall.. perhaps on you??? (yea, you'd be that lucky.. wait, no it'd be me as I've recently been turned down but I'm not out... at least til I say so. Being cryptic.. move along nothing more to read here).

In material items, this just in.... my new KRZR from motorola! yea yea! I received a free phone because I write this cozy little blog. This is where I insert your massive jealousy and hatred because I will say my new phone is cool and only cool people (and by cool people, i mean geeky internet bloggers) get them ... When I finally haul my ass down to Telus & switch from my annoying blackberry to the KRZR, I'll let you know how the phone works out....

I Forgot To Mention...

So going through all the pictures I did seem to forget about the wrestling/windmill fight outside the fest. It also escaped my mind the 26 year olds we took to Denny's with us. Am starting to think that is my target market as they drive for the hole pretty hard. Aside from being 26, too short & from Edmonton I'd say it was love.

I Spoke Too Soon...

Just as I was lamenting that I didn't show Penticton a good time, Shaloa managed to post her pics on facebook (our new obsession). I may have spoken too soon... You tell me

Me, Tracey & Dark Bunny are starting off strong here....

Starting get the evil eye from Shaloa. I think she is planning her surprise attack on me outside on the grass (forgot about our wrestling match)

Yes, let the gong show begin

We hit Pasta Factory & am trying to prove to Shaloa that I'm not Photogenic

Except we found the hats...

I don't know.

Let the Posing begin...


I know the table behind me was enjoying the show.

work it... work it...

Did I mention I was in a restaurant?

Pimp Shaloa


OMG is that a GOLD HAT????
Group Shot... oooooh Feel it Jenny L. Shaloa, you lookin' fierce

I like how I'm NOW trying to take nice photographs

No longer content with the beer... we hit up the wine at dinner.

Too bad we spilled it all over Dark Bunny... thank God for Tide pens!!

And........ scene.

The Drinker Formally Known as Leanne

It's week two of the curious smell in my office. I was convinced it was the miscellaneous soup I found & horrified myself with but it's still not gone. Considering the age of the building I work in, I really hope something didn't crawl into the walls & die.

I also direly wish I could sleep. I think I'm on night four of waking at up at an absurd hour. If I'm not going to bed at 330am, I'm waking up at that hour. Let's just say my most productive thing today is blinking.

This past weekend saw me haul my ass up to Penticton for (drum roll please......... )

FEST OF ALE.

Yes yes.. a convention centre filled with beer from all over the region (BC/Alta).... "so good so good so good" as Neil Diamond would say. Don't know which was my favourite. As the end was nearing it just became a varietal blur of barley hops & alcohol which essentially just became a precursor to jagr bombs and other sordid shots. After the fest we hit the town hard (no, I didn't fall.. I've turned a new balanced leaf) After filling up on pasta factory, we got our shooters on at the Talking Parrot only to see us stumble on down to the Mule.

Am happy to report that I no longer need to introduce myself as Leanne but rather Leanimal will suffice. Every person I met would reply with "Oh.... you're Leanimal" including Dark Bunny's mother, Mich's daughter (well, that's another anecdote**) and pretty much any other person I'd happen upon. I do however, feel like I did not live up to the full Leanimal potential and was rather well behaved aside from all the beer & shooters.... Surprisingly enough, I was not hung over yesterday. Perhaps I'm still drunk or perhaps I have to actually have a solid nights sleep before I feel any pain and I'm just prolonging the experience.



** Michelle's daughter is only at most 2 and is just learning to talk. Kids have a hard enough time saying my name as 2 vowels together is difficult to pronounce. My name comes out more like Laan. Anyways, Michelle went around the table asking "Can you say Tracey?" ... Tracey "Can you say Karen?" Karen....

"Can you say Leanimal?" .... Laan-mamal..... OMG. So adorable. I just wanted to squeeze her.

STUFF

I haven't posted much this week. I suppose I've just been too busy. Hockey playoffs started and with 4 Overtimes in the Vancouver/Dallas game, there doesn't leave a lot of room to sleep, work or write. Additionally, I've been sick so really I've needed to find time to sleep however, with two birthdays this week it has been tough. Yes, I caught a cold on the plane. I'm so succeptable to them in that venue that it's hard to miss. I have to say though, I scheduled my flights perfectly well that when I landed in San Fransisco, I departed, walked across down to my next gate & got onto the plane... NO WAITING and managed to zip through customs and out to a cab in under 10 minutes... I rule and sadly, these are things that excite me.

Waiting is on the top of my pet peeve list next to watching grown men (50 something man, equipped with back pack and white sneakers as if he is a tourist in our fine city) urinate in public which I saw yesterday morning on my way to work right at Cambie & Pacific. I suppose in his defense he was in the bushes but by bushes I mean little shrubs off to the side of the sidewalk. It's not like EVERYONE couldn't see him. He came out & looked around & went on his way as if nothing happened. Didn't make me want to touch the cross walk button let me tell you.

Aside from that, I finally compiled my playoff pool.... currrently standing in 2nd (way to roll after 1 game each.... I can tell they're all worried). The only problem is that you could pick the best players ever and unless your team advances, you could be hooped. Last year for example, I was number 1 going into the finals and I lost.. ME! I DID! (btw... i don't lose.. just don't like it. Don't believe in it ... no room for it) but mostly because all the favourites: Calgary, Detroit, Ottawa got knocked out early on & people with picks like Edmonton ppl (me) went far. Pronger better still hold out well for me.

Other then that, I've been wasting massive amounts of time on facebook. I wasn't going to join. I was going to buck the trend but I finally did succumb by one single nudge from Dunner. Apparently I'm stubborn... but crap.. This thing has sucked me in much like myspace did except on here, the people on my page are actually my friends as opposed to sick perverted 45 year olds from Winnipeg.

Am still trying to decide if I should whip up to Penticton for the night tomorrow.. I'm more yes then no. I'm pretty much ignoring the fact that I've been sick & well.. I've had enough of blowing my nose so I figure it's good to move on. My only problem is that next week is Whistler and I'm wondering if I'm doign TOO MUCH.

Whatever.. it's me... I don't sleep.

Rule of Thumb To Live By...

When sourcing out the odd smell in the office and you find the curious container in the fridge, listen to your co-worker when they say "don't open it". Because you can be guaranteed an instant gag reflex when you choose not to listen, open the left over soup & take a giant whiff... did I say gag? I mean instant upchuk. I'm still tearing up.

Sleep Tight

Ever drift off to sleep only to wake an hour or an hour and a half later & not be able to go back to sleep? You lie there awake with a million thoughts rushign through your head but you keep flitting back to how uncomfortable your back is but you are just unable to crack your neck even though it just ACHES and desires to be. The more you lie there, the more you realize how stuffy your room is and the temperature is rising with every passing minute. So you get up to open the window just to see that your apartment is a mess... great one more thing to do tomorrow. You rearrange your pillows & NO .. that's not helping so you roll & you adjust and you adjust & you roll. Just to not only be aching but now you have that itchy feeling in your feet that JUST won't go away. When it's not there, it's in your joints. The back of your knees are tingly and your elbows are warm.... You look at the clock and half an hour has passed & you are now more awake then when you started and you have to be up in five hours. Because of this, now you're angry so you throw a mini tantrum.... Since you're flailing you may as well get up. You don't clean because you unfortunately are too tired to do that so you try & watch TV except at this hour it's informercial mania and the dude who frequents land auctions is one shade of too creepy for you to watch. You flip, you flip and you flip and manage to find a re-run of Becker on tv which happens to be about crazy people and wonder why you're not one of the patients.... Finally, you yawn.... but you've been tired before & look where it got you. So you make a snack... may be that will make you sleepy.....

Ever feel like this? No? well welcome to my FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!!!!

VEGAS......

So I'm sitting on the plane from Phoenix to Vegas kiddy corner to a young family and I think to myself that Vegas isn't a place you take babies but rather it's only a place you make babies....

So after Charlene FINALLY came and met up with us at Red Square, we had ourselves a great dinner and began our nite with martini's a plenty. That's one thing I noticed friday, I was never without a drink except for that time i was sitting at the roulette table...... losing. Mostly because I was listening to the Kelowna boy who insisted that he knew what to bet so when I finally received my $100 beer, that I walked away and let Cheese buy me shooters to the point of blacking out...

For whatever reason, we let him drive and let him hit the side of the car... do I remember this? no... I was passed out. Did I wake up ... no. I did wake up when I thought I was going to be sick, whined about it & then got mad at them for pulling over.... yea, I was a good time. Apparently, I'm also annoying.... I really dont' see what's wrong with me trying to put lipstick on you while you are driving... even if you are a man. I do not know why he hung out with us the next day.

I received a text from K-lo telling me he has a cute photo of me sleeping.... great when did that happen?

Saturday was all about pool.... All IO wanted was a pool and someone to constantly be bringing me drinks. Friday night was all about the Casino & Cheese bringing me drinks and that had to change... Cheese laid down the law

"Stop poking me"
"Stop telling me what to do"
"Stop making me bleed"
"Stop putting make-up on me"
"Stop putting make-up on me while I'm driving"

GOD! some people are soooo high maitenance! Actually, he never said any of those things... well, he really didn't want the make up on but I managed to make a deal that next time I'm there, he will put some on.

Saturday nite found us hitting Caramel at the Bellagio. LOVE LOVE LOVE The Bellagio... just such a pretty hotel. It's also my Dad's favourite although, he stays at the Venetian when he's in town (to me that doesn't make sense.... he's not po). Anyways, from there we hit Lite which was just upstairs. Nalini's BF is friend's with the Manager at Caramel so he walked us upstairs... I make that comment as I normally am not a club goer and wouldn't have gone if I had to A: wait B: pay.

However, it was just what Nalini & I needed. By this point of the night, it was just the two of us. We drank, we danced... we made friends with a stag that had bottles & bottles & bottles of Vodka. Wished I got the contact info of one of the group.... Would have been a good guy to know as he works closely with Apple more specifically iPod and replacing their memory chips.... seeing as my iPod is just over a year old, he'd be a good guy to know......

I think I was deterred when he realized he'd never see me again & whispered into my ear. Either he was going for broke or thought F it.... Either way, I was glad it was dark in there or he would have seen me 8 shades of red but I do agree 5'10 and 6'4 do make a good combo.

Sunday saw me going home.. NOT hung over. I don't know how I did that. All in all a quiet trip by my standards... no falling down, no arrests, no rock stars, no football players, no crazy dudes from NY, no actors, no free money, no shopping, no bleeding..... just sun, drinks & friends... good trip.

Commercials I like....

I like this commercial because it's the closest thing I have to showing you what gaylord looks like (at least in my head)



I've liked many of the Dairy Queen commericals in recent years (the baby that sacks the dad, the woman that has a sugar rush & runs into the wall). I like this one because it reminds me most of my family. One time my brother locked me in the crawl space & when the door was finally opened both him & my mother were laughing.... yea, I went wrong in so many places...

SURPRISE!!!!! Vegas, part 1

So this past weekend found me jet setting down to Las Vegas to surprise my friend, Princess Nalini. I had this trip planned for weeks & have been so desperately wanting to write about it but alas a surprise is a surprise. I did almost give myself away a couple of times last week but managed to cover myself up somewhat... That's the beauty of being random. People take your excuses as just that.

I found the best way to get over the fear of flying is to down a couple of beers and have very strong urge to pee... so much so that the women in the aisle across from you is prompted to ask if you are ok....

Yea, I board the plane & kinda had to go but thought I can just wait til the no-seat belt sign is taken off... do we take off right away? no.... no we sit on the tarmac to wait our turn in line. Then we hit turbulence.... can't turn off the sign just yet. I thought I was doing ok. I wasn't wiggling around too too much and that I was staying relatively under control. Was happy to notice that the take off didn't completely freak me out. Maybe it was the steady breathing I was focusing on. I was gonna be damned if I wet myself... that was the only pair of jeans I was taking with me that weekened! It's when i was leaning forward & the women across the aisle asked if my ears hurt that I decided to just F' it & got up and went to the lavatory.... BIG sigh of relief! Didn't stop me from ordering more beer however.

Aside from that, everything else was going smoothely. The flights were on time, the weather forecasts were for glorious & hot and BFF had some friends, Juggs & her fiancé, in from Detroit as well for long weekend festivities. It wasn't until the plane landed in Vegas that I received a text from BFF explaining that Princess Nalini was opting to stay home that night WHICH ruins the very surprise we had planned that night: me. It's about here I start to panic.

We were going to have her meet up with us at Red Square, a Vodka Bar in Mandalay Bay. I was going to either going to hide out in the corner and keep sending her random texts from BFF's phone confusing her to no end or I was going to phone her & ask her to go for drinks & say that it's quite possible & come around the corner. No, not that night..... my girl had cramps. Her staying home ruins that element of surprise somewhat & well...... WHAT THE HELL WAS I THERE FOR?

So once we rounded me up from the airport, Juggs tried a very convincing argument on her over the phone. So much so that even I was convinced if I wasn't already. She ended with "fine, if I can't convince you, may be someone else can". I hop on the phone & say "I flew my ass all the way down here so I can see you & you tell me that you can't come out tonight????"

pause

"You F'n bitch"

Thanks... I love you too, schnookums.

**** to be continued****

Are you F'n Kidding Me?????

I don't know what I signed up for before but I receive regular newsletters from 'Homemade Simple' and although I don't normally read them, it's been a slow work week and I thought I would take a peek.

One of the items they were highlighting was called 'celebrate living' which was all about giving creative gift baskets to friends. Seeing as I just came out of a birthday marathon, I thought it would be a great source of gift ideas so I clicked through and guess what? It was crap. Well, it wasn't but like any Martha Stewart type magazine, they give absurd gift ideas. For friends "it seems everyone, from homeowners to city dwellers, wants a green thumb these days. Assemble a starter gardening kit with soil, seeds of her favourite flower, a book about beginning gardening, and gardening gloves. Place everything inside a painted pot from which she can grow her plants." Which actually upon reflection would be a cute gift on mother's day..... but keep reading.

For the Bride to Be:

Buying from the registry is usually the way to go. But if you’re feeling like a renegade gift giver, a gift basket could be a creative alternative. What about some of these ideas?

• Assemble a sewing basket complete with straight pins, thread, thimbles, and scissors. Add the bride’s favourite yarn, fabrics, or craft supplies, too. Then customize the sewing basket on the outside with little touches that speak to the bride’s unique personality.
  
  

• Another idea is to provide a collection of cleaning supplies. While it sounds boring, recent research has shown that household chores are a cause of newlywed distress. Give the bride a starter kit of great cleaning supplies, wrapped inside a convenient carry caddy. This way, she (or he) can carry all of their supplies with them from room to room as they complete their chores

If one of you fools out there ever gave me cleaning supplies as a gift I would take the cleanser & spray it into your eyes because you so obviously can't see what a crap gift that is. WTF... seriously... "Happy Marriage! Here's a box of stereotypical wife things for you use while you walk around the house crying worried about whether or not you just made the biggest mistake of your life." Awesome.

DON'T even get me started on 'their chores' WTF???? are they marrying their father & are assigned certain things that they NEED to do? Are they coming from somewhere where they didn't ever clean before? Why is this hard? Are they new? Are they mail order? Who doesn't know how to clean?

You know what would be a better gift? If women are so stressed about about cleaning, give them Molly Maid gift certificates. I would gladly accept 6 months worth of house cleaning over a bottle of Mr Clean any day. THAT would releive any stress I may have not some stupid mop... "Congratulations! Here's something else to do!" At least with that, I'm coming home to a clean house so I can focus on stupid things like Thank-you cards (I KNOW no man will write those) or they can take care of cleaning things I would never want to do ie... washing all my windows. Now, THAT'S a gift that keeps on giving....

What Shade Are You?

Our feelings are always equated with different colours. I suppose mostly to help illustrate & paint the picture to which we feel. Anger is commonly associated with red Jealousy is always a shade of green and when you're sad, you're Blue. It leave the question to be asked.... What shade does Bitter bring out because I'm riding that train loud and clear.

I'm not angry, or jealous or sad or even hesitant. I'm down right, 100% bitter (ok, so anger does rear it's ugly head from time to time with this emotion but it's hard not to). Nothing spectacular has precipitated this mood shift but rather my disdain for the same BS over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

This may be a redundant question but it begs to be asked for the 100th time.... Is all what guys want is to get in your pants? Before I typed that out, I had answered the question but UGH... so the same ALL the time. Case in point... VERY JOKINGLY, Brutal & Jammer told 5D's friend that if he came out Saturday night, I would go home with him. Yes, I have met him before & yes, he has hit on me (very badly I may add), but as soon as he thought he had an in, I recieved a couple of phone calls & a text message that evening.... GOOD GOD boy, take a joke.... won't happen and let me tell you why.

First off, let's just get the bitchy out of the way.... you don't fit the height requirement. Much like amusement park rides that have a sign stating your height requirement, so do I. I figure like a roller coaster, I'm fun, you go really fast, I may make you scream and when you're done, you're quite spent... only fair.

Secondly, and probably just as bitchy: Just no. No no no no no.... you're not my type.

Thirdly... you're gonna have to try a little harder then just talking to me. It may work on younger girls but you see, I've been there. I've done that and quite frankly unless you can dazzle me with some witty banter, I lose interest after the first 15 seconds.

Fourth: Putting all of the above aside, if I haven't shown interest by now, it won't happen. A girl knows right away if she will or not. It's never a matter of convincing her. What it is, is a matter of convincing her WHEN she will. You see, we have that whole "we don't want you thinking we're a slut" thing working against us and so a lot of it is just reassurance that we're not doing something stupid (but it's always something stupid so really it's moot)

Anyways, just tired of all of that so am feeling bitterish (not as bad anymore as I just recieved word that I'll be getting a free Motorola KRZR... funny how free stuff cheers me up)... So what colour would I be? I suppose it would be somewhat mottled or hazy... perhaps puce? Periwinkle? maybe a Mustard..... nope none of these fit... great, just something else to be upset about.

To Be or Not To Be..... Naked

I've mentioned before that I'm on Myspace. I've actually met a few people from there. Mostly from them reading this blog & finding out what an insane person I am and THEN deciding they want to know me (yea, I'm just as shocked as you are).

However, one contact I've made on there from them searching me out is a producer from the naked news who thinks I should enter the naked news talent search.

Aside from the fact that, THAT would definately kill off all members of my family, I could NEVER do that. I can't even get naked in front of someone I'm intimate with nevermind slowly stripping while reading news.

I think it takes a very special kind of person that could do that. For the very reason that most people are afraid of public speaking. So much so that they feel naked when they're up there & in order to gain control of their fear, the picture the audience in their underwear. In this situation, your worst fears are coming true & the only underwear is yours... on the floor. Course I am still looking at myself in the garden gnome mirror so maybe all that cellulite is also just my mirror buckling from it's age. However, those cutlets I wear do NOT look as good when there isn't a bra holding them in.

Daddy's Little Girl...

So I went out to dinner with my dad last night for his birthday. Only person I know that pays for his own birthday dinner but I didn't exactly fight over the cheque so I guess that makes me a bad person. However, was very surprised to learn that my dad thinks I'm angelic. He thinks I may throw my bra onto the ice at Hockey Games but that I'm angelic nonetheless.

We were discussing Vancouver & how are they going to clean up certain areas for the olympics because quite frankly, the downtown east side is one of the sketchiest areas in North America. I comment that people from New York come here & think.. damn, now this is scary..... My dad commented that the VPD have visited New York to see how they cleaned up Times Square & brought that under control in order to help clean up Granville Street.

Ok, yes, granville street is dingy but the night time bar crowd is nothing more chaotic then anywhere else there is a 'party' district. I say this. I tell him that seeing as I live 2 blocks away, I am on Granville Street all the time. My dad retorts back with "Yes, but you're not out til 2-3 in the morning drinking.... "

Pause for canned laughter.

NO!!! no, I'm not out til 2-3 in the morning nor do I drink. I looked at the step monster & she's also laughing because at least out of the 2 people at the table, she's met me. That or I'm new.

Because if he had only known how my weekend went down, he may sing a different tune. You see, Jammer flew into town originally for only the Flames game on saturday night (I HATE it when Flame's fans are justified in being so smug... wait til playoffs bitches) but we also managed to make it down to the Wine Festival at the Convention Centre.

For those of you that don't know, it's $75 and 3 hours of tasting wine from all around the world with an emphasis on Australian wine. It ends up being a wine shooting event & you always leavea little blurry. Still can't get behind port. Anyways, after the festival, we congregated down at Yagger's with others that weren't at the festival.... after a couple of drinks, I thought it best if I met up with Capt'n Jess and the crew for her birthday. I hauled my ass over the bridge into Kits to just find out that we were going BACK downtown which found us ending up at the Moose.

Dan, the manager, bought us a round of shooters (yey!) However, this spawned a chain reaction. Some random guy thought it was great that we were doing shooters & bought us 6 subsequent rounds. I kept trying to explain to people that I had been to the festival that evening & all they would answer back is "that's impressive". Uh-huh.. great... Is it so impressive that I can't see right now? Furniture Man: The sequal was in town & met up with us. I grabbed him off the street and in the block walk up to the Moose, I managed to smack him 3x in the face. Whe the moose's lights came on.. the group of us moved ourselves over to the cellar. It's here where I ran away. I surface from the bar (it's the cellar, the bar is underground), and get a text from Dutch friend saying if I want to watch Family Guy to bring pizza so off I go.

I woke the next day confused as to why I moved my couch against the window before I realized I wasn't home. So I go home only to be picked up by Brutal, Bell & Jammer to go for breakfast & to start another shit storm of a day and it's only 830am. I did manage to get in a snooze here & there but by noon, you found me back in my friend's back yard cracking a new beer.. hey it was better then being hung over and after about the third one I really was feeling awesome.
That night.. not so much but then yes.

So I suppose my father was right... I don't go home at 2-3 in the morning. I just choose to not go home & that way everyone wins... Well, everyone except my liver. Princess Nalini and I are in agreement, if he had any idea of what went down at New Year's, he'd probably have an aneurism.