I'm Sorry, But I Had To....

Nanz, age: 8 (approx)

I'm sorry Nanz, but I had to out you. She made the mistake of forwarding me this photo on MSN last night. I told her last night through my hazy teared filled laughter that if anything horrible happens to me, like my brother decides to snap my bunny's neck for no apparent reason (inside joke, that has been removed from site... sorry) to immediately stop what you're doing & shove your fingers up your nose....

For those of you who have been keeping up with this blog, you'll know that Nanz has been one of my best friends since grade 3 (with a 5 year hiatus right after highschool, don't know why I felt compelled to point that out). I remember this... not this picture specifically, but her doing this exact act. I've even tried to coax her in recent years to do it again to no avail (I guess the thrill of over extending your nostrils has worn off in her adult years)

Nanz age: 26 (approx)

For her sake, I posted a picture of her now to prove she grew up to be quite beautiful & also to prove her nostrils don't hang low or swing side to side from overuse.


This on the other hand is what gives me nightmares at night & is what's wrong with Male Figure Skating... nothing about this is masculine or attractive, or comfortable or anything.. actually a lot of EW! comes to mind. QUICK! ... look at the nose picture again.. ahh... always a source of entertainment.

I really do have a life.... Honestly.

I recieved an email yesterday telling me that I'm a dedicated blogger..... Wow. You know what that means? It means I have no life. I understand if it was the week before last as I was home all the time but last week, I was never home. I was out every night. Caught up with friends, went on dates, got super hammered (I did say I was on dates), did home repairs, watched season one of Prison break, read half of my new book, worked out & got my promotion...... and yet, I still find time to write about the excruiating minutae of my insignificant life.... Yes, I'm a geek but you're reading it so what does that say about you?

Out of all the stuff that happened last week, I think the most exciting stuff to a geek like me is my new book, Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman. An editorial of sorts. He basically deconstructs our pop culture from his point of view but it is relatable anyone born in the 70's (1972-8 more specifically). I've caught myself laughing out loud at the absurdaties as I agree with some of his points (like why we all watched Saved by the Bell even if it was the worst fucking show on TV) but then was offended when he said Soccer was an outcast sport (Course, I'm Canadian and I'm sure he thinks that we're outcasts too).

I think he's one of the only people who could possibly out overthink things me (did that make sense?) Because before I even reached those sections of the book, I had finished watching season 1 of Entourage (I got a new DVD/recorder recently if you can't tell) and I love the show. Not only becuase I love Jeremy Pivon (wish he was taller, not the other way around as I'm perfect just the way I am) but because I love this group of guys... they are the kind of guys I'd like to have as friends... and not because they're cool, or smart as they are really nothing that special. I even think one character on the show is mildly retarded but because they are such tight friends I dig em. I like the way that they have each other's backs, help eachother out & are essentially are each other's family.

I don't know if that means that there is something missing from my life as I have a lot of friends but I highly doubt my friends would spend every waking moment with me ensuring my ass was wiped in the correct direction... Although, in the show, a couple of them are on payroll so I guess my major drawback in life is my lack of funds...... Gotta get that porn site up... may be the chick from Muggs will offer up her services.........

Giving it Away for Free....

The next time you decide to go out with someone new, inform your friends of such because when I went down to Yaggers to watch the hockey game with The Apologizer last night, my friends kept walking up and asking him how Kamloops is. Aside from the fact that I haven't seen Furniture Man in quite some time, I also learned that I haven't seen some friends in quite some time. No, he's not Furniture Man and no he doesn't live in Kamloops. I really didn't have the heart to let the new guy know however that I officially ended everything with FM just this past Monday.

Anyways, once some awkwardness passed, Apologizer informs of his previous nights events. One of his lacrosse buddies phoned him up for some beers. There is a dichotomy of guys on his team. They're either around his age (38) and married or young (28) single guys. Guess which one phoned him? So off to Muggs N Juggs they went.... turns out it was amateur night and I have a twin walking around. Yes, they are all sitting there drinking beer when my twin walks by. Good thing, the apologizer points this out to his friends.... "Wanna know what Leanne looks like?" he says... "right there."

Great.

I asked if she shaved but he said he wasn't sitting close enough. (I call bull shit) Can't wait until I meet his friends as they've now all seen me naked. In fact, one of them even mentioned it was like a sneak preview.

I'm not pissed off at that. In fact, I find it quite funny. It's that here is some dumb, young look alike (I'm assuming young, what woman in her right mind makes this kind of career change at my age?) walking around taking her clothes off for free at some crap hole strip club... Shit, I've been charging good money for this stuff for years.... someone's gotta have a talk with her ;)

K.. totally kidding. I will do it for free too... ha

I'm kind of a big deal...

I got promoted to Art Director today.... guess wasting my hours away on the internet have really paid off....

Shhhh.... no one let them know. They still think I'm competent & well suited for the position. Cuz you know, in person I don't emote the same fuzzy persona I do on here.... yes, it's true. I'm a bitch on wheels (literally, I never get off my chair & just push myself around the office) and if shit ain't done, someone pays & it usually isn't me.

Guess the next step is to get some leather bound books & mahogany.

Classy All The Way...

All girls want a guy who treats them like gold so why is it when we meet that guy we chew em up & spit them out? It's true. The bigger the asshole, the more we vie for his attention as though his acknowlegement will redeem our self worth? Soooooooo pathetic.

I like to think I'm mature enough to give a nice guy a chance except it's worse.... I'm dating the apologizer. We went out for dinner last night, which included a bottle of wine & several drinks (Good times. He knows the key to my heart... AND just so you know, I shared my food, but mostly because I don't like crab). So this morning I replied to his text informing him I was hung over...

His response "Sorry about that! Wasn't my intention.... " there was more but not applicable.

Dunner thinks that if he had said "Suck it up you pussy" I would have been hooked & in love.

Sad part is I think she's right... I'm warped.

I went on to text him "Stop apologizing for everthing"
to which he says "ha ha... sorry just my nature... SEE, I did it again!"

OK, I think I'm going to have to stab him... but I thought a better course of action was to inform him that we need to toughen him up. I think after a few weeks of Leanne Boot Camp we can turn this boy around. Before you know it, he'll be crass, inconsiderate & rude.... can't wait. May be he'll even sleep with me & not return my calls?

I mean, how can I really be my full classy self if he's so worried about offending me... just not gonna fly.....

This Isn't Fat....

The swimsuit is ugly however.... but her body is fine.

When Boredom Overrides Us All...

I was going to Explain TNW to you but I got sidetracked because I'm about to get caught up in a train wreck and I do flock to thoses like a moth to a light bulb.

Now, I hate online dating. It may have worked for some of my friends but for me, it has been a parade of "the freaks come out at night".... so I hid my profile. I didn't completely take it down as my boredom over rides me & compels me to go & look and still provides some entertainment....

As witnessed today. I received a letter from a guy who seems to have forgotten that I met him. Not only have I met him before but we hung out. Not only did we hang out but we also made out.... So all this time, I'm thinking I'm some sort of kissing rock star (I'm not going to lie to you... I rock. I get told all the time) and dude forgets me???? Woah... that doesn't work for me.

I have responded with some cheeky come back which should either sufficiently freak him out or he'll find me amusing... will keep you posted.

It's all Crap...

I was just reading Brutal's Post today and she touched on a subject called "Pump & Dump" where you meet someone, date briefly, dump them & repeat in search for the perfect mate. She comments that when our parents married, they married young & stayed together. Well, I don't know about that seeing as I've seen lots of long lasting marriages start to unfold around the 35 year mark for various reasons... some of which included being in love with a high school boyfriend.

I think dating is all crap. Relationships are all crap. None of it makes sense and we drive ourselves mad trying to figure out what's best for us. I've been doing it lately myself. I recently re-evaluated a sitution & decided that the best course of action was to cut the purse strings. No more contact, no more temptation no more emotional involvement and....... yea. I'm doing swell.

I love how what's best for you makes you feel like poo and all the things that bring you elation are tagged as wrong (I suppose it's a good thing I gave up drinking... no wait! I'm doing THAT tonight.... I meant swallowing). I know I'm speaking in circles as I don't want to give out any details but essentially I saw something for what it really was and decided to do what's best for me for the long run. If what was best for me was the occasional long distance shag then swell but I already have 3 of those from varying places (hey, what can I say, I'm global) and they don't add emotional baggage into the mix unlike said situation. However, apparently what's best for me is dragging myself through the mud & crying my eyes out til snot forms bubbles in my nose & I'm so revolting no one wants me.

ANYWAYS..... I wonder if any of this is relationship Karma. I did wrong to one & I'm paying it back three fold .. except the person I'm thinking about is a total dick so it couldn't be possible. I'm talking about Toys'n'Wheels (TNW) For those that knew me 13 years ago you should get that reference as that's where Mr. Career worked. I guess I can cut him some slack. I mean, I was 18 and he was what? 22 and we all worked in the mall back then. Except he never really had further aspirations from that....

From what I remember when we were together, he didn't have a car as he didn't have a driver's license. He was going to Langara College (and for those in the states, College up here is always considered a Jr College type thing. You only get degrees from Universities) but dropped out.
I know this becuase I freakin' drove him everywhere. To school, to work, to his buddie's etc... so awesome. Yea, I was a bit of a doormat. Well, we spent every single day together so I didn't think about it much but I do recall the time that I wouldn't return his movie for him so he wouldn't talk to me for 2 days as he had to walk ALL THE WAY THERE.... oh no!

Unfortunately, for anyone who's dated me after him, I gave all my good to that guy and every guy after him has basically been paying for his mistakes. Ok, not EVERY guy as that's a bit long to be bitter, but definately the next 3 (By the way, Sow.. sorry about all that. You're an exception to many rules.)

I think this was the beginning of my love of social retards.

***more to come***

Pretty much hate men...

more later.

Not Everyone Can Live Like This...

You know... life in the slow lane. If you're not careful you may slip into a slight coma.

Wow. I've never had a more uneventful week. I mean I probably shouldn't balk too much as life was hectic before New Years so may be my body does need a small hiatus from the crazy.

So for the fifth straight night in a row, I watched TV (course, this time I did it with wine & had a virtual cheers to Shaloa). I nodded in & out of Grey's Anatomy and missed the only reason to watch... Karev & Addison make out... good times. I also want to say I've managed to clean out my fridge, my bathroom, scrub the floors, dust the cracks, workout & cook prepatory meals for lunch..... SOMEONE GO OUT WITH ME!!!! I'm going buck nuts. I've never been this freakin' organized in my life! (k, that's a lie as I'm a control freak & will do this regardless, it just doesn't normally take me 3 hours to do so. Every day I fear more & more that I am turning into my father. I find it ironic that I have spent my entire life trying not to be the man to wind up EXACTLY like him... except I brush my teeth).

It's been a while since I've dissected Grey's so here goes.. (for those not a fan.... move along, nothing to read here) There have been some changes in my opinions...

LOVE:
Dr Bailey (Chandra Wilson): no change.. Her VA J J still rocks my world (wait, sounds WAY wrong)
Addison (Kate Walsh): Off the fence... she brings out a vulnerability that you like. She's fucked up, she knows it.... feels bad but isn't totally dwelling on it.. she moves on with her life.. HOWEVER. If she keeps up with that pouty lip thing any more, I may write the show. She does this thing with her mouth that I liken to make-up face. All girls would know about this as we all have one which usually happens when we put on mascara. But she does this weird lip thing where her upper lip puffs out like she's applying lip liner but she does when she's looking like she just had her name called out... stop it.. stop flirting with EVERYONE.

ON THE FENCE
Karev (Justin Chambers): Like him and Addison... he borders love now.. Like him better with Addison then Izzy as Izzy just made him frustrated & brought out the mean... Addison brings out his compasion...he's a wink away from love... I need to know he's not going to slip into mega ass first.
Christina (Sandra Oh): boring... I don't like the not talking to Burke thing (see Burke for that story line evaluation) I'm tired of her looking anxious to find out how his hand is. She's better when she's having dysfunctional interaction with other characters.
Burke (Isaiah Washington): I think he's been spending some time in the Bad Actor's Box after his comment to TR Knight... Until the execs decide what they'll do with him, I believe not too much of a story line is going to come his way & will continue to "play uncle"

George (TR Knight): His confidence is gone.. dad's dead & he's back with the man/woman. All of the sudden his neanderthal brothers respect him? yea... that won't happen in real life. Nor does the hospital give you that many talking to's when your loved one is about to die.... k.. well, it didn't happen for me, I just got a phone call one morning.. "come to the hospital ... now!"

McSteamy (Eric Dane): Why is he on the show? What does his story line have to do with ANYTHING... his only purpose is to move other story lines along (Karev/Addison, McDreamy/Grey). I want him to ravage Izzy.. I think she needs a good.......

Izzie (Katherine Heigl): Up from hate. I like that she admitted she was crazy and she finally deposited the money. I don't care if she never spends it but the cheque on the fridge made me nerveous!

HATE:

Merideth (Ellen Pompeo): Your dad is about as annoying as you and your other biggest storyline is that you snore... um. ya. She had one good line last night when she wanted Izzy & Christine to shut it "you are a millionare and wear 20 dollar shoes. You are in a relationship that doesn't speak" (i may have paraphrased).... I need more banter btween my characters.. makes it work.

McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey): Him and Merideth are the most awkward couple. They make me feel ill when I see them in bed together as there is NO chemistry between them.

Man/She: I'm terrible. She is a pretty girl and the only one really who emulates what would be a normal body but I don't like her with George. (same thing if I were to date someone like George) She looks like she could eat him. I don't know who's she be good with. Probably another woman. She gives off mega lesbian vibes.

In a few weeks, I'll probably disect 24... It's really the only thing I've been talking about this week. Who doesn't love a show where the main character comes out of a 20 month Chinese prison lock up, can't talk, is dishelved only to be fine in 15 minutes go on to be re-captured, eat someone & shoot his friend to only see LA get nuked........... so great so great so great.. I'll ignore ALL of the improbabilities to allow for the story line to continue. I just hope he eats someone else... may be I should rent Lost Boys this weekend?

I Got Nothing...

I got nothing to say today... I've been living pretty low key as it's STILL SNOWING! Not only are the powers that be not listening to my weather requests, I didn't get the 2 bedroom downtown apartment. I don't know why I bother. I've been asking for a smaller ass for years, & yet it grows at an exponential rate which has nothing to do with the beer & nachos I eat AFTER I workout thank you very much....

I'm feinding for a Little Friday but I think I'll have to settle for a good workout & a Grey's Anatomy cry fest (we all know George's dad will die... so obvious)In plot lines like that I lose my shit as it hits close to home.

After seeing Finding Neverland, I had to run out of the theatre down the hall and lock myself in a bathroom stall because I was sobbing uncontrollably. Sorry, but you gotta be heartless if it doesn't tug at your heart strings (cover your ears, giving away an ending) when the little boy looks up with one single tear running down his cheek at Johnny Depp and asks to live with him after losing first his father & then at the end his mother... OMG. Completely lost it. The only consolation I had was that one of the other girls was not far behind me.

Another movie I lost it in was Crooklyn. The girl spent the summer away at her cousins to only come home and find out she lost her mother to cancer. WOW.... I had rented that with my boyfriend Jason, our friend Lee, & his GF Stacey. This was within a year of me losing my mother & so I had to excuse myself during the movie. When I finally was able to come out of the bathroom, Jason shit on me because he felt it was rude that I done that & our friends left because it was awkward........ um.... ok. Course this is the same guy that forgot about the year anniversary of such a life changing event for me so what should I really expect. When he kept threatening to jump off the pier when I dumped him, I should have handed him a life preserver.

SO anyways.... I guess I'll have to wait til the weekend for a little stress release but as always, there are multitude of things going on Saturday.... not so much Friday so I'll have to keep myself in check which is a REALLY hard thing to do as my correlating factor is becoming stronger & stronger (major inside joke, I'd explain it to you but I'll look like a total slut which at this point in the life of this blog is kind of moot).

Course just bringing up Jason again gives me many things to touch upon for tomorrow.... til then!

He's Back....

He's Bigger, Gayer & Skating to a Theatre near you...

What I mean about hockey Fans...

This could only be who I'm going to marry...

http://video.msn.com/v/us/fv/fv.htm??g=851d0086-cc8f-409f-a3fc-c982dd2afbf4&f=msnmovies/64&fg=copy

Wait out the commercial & see my honey's footage....

Could It Be True?

Have I run out of things to talk about? Have I been talking non-stop for one year to only find out that I have told all my stories, told all my antedotes and no longer have anything to share..... NEVER!

Well, I did fear that this week because since I've been home from Vegas, I really didn't have anything else to say nor was I very inspired.

So I thought that may that was it. I was done... that may be the fact that I've gotten serious about my work again negates any further writing of this blog but then a couple of things happened. One being my relatives... they're nuts, they're retarded and they're completely baffling and I really haven't tapped into the never ending resource to which I call my family. Just today I bet Sow five bucks that he'd be stunned when I finished telling him the latest adventure of my father and the step-monster aka: the sow beast. To say the least, I'm five dollars richer.

Another thing that happened this week, is that I've been turned onto some other noteworthy blogs that I find VERY entertaining.. albeit, offensive on many levels but hilarious none the less ... Their stories have made me examine some of the many strange things that have happened to me in my past and realized that I write VERY timidly on here and indeed leave out not only small tidbits but massive chunks to the story that are usually quite embaressing to me... but I figured this: I told you all about my gyno exam; we're already initimate.

As I was pondering that very fact, I also realize that some of my more candid dating stories or stranger occurances are easier to write about because there has been some time that has passed between then & now... like years.

I find it difficult to wake up Monday morning and write about everything that happened over the weekend. I've noticed the better posts are the ones that come out as a story or wrap around some sort theme. I always laugh when I'm out with some the more prominent characters on here and they'll comment "I can't wait to see how this plays out on the blog"... and notice if I leave something/one out I get yelled at.... I'M SORRY, I'M NOT A MACHINE! As I mention to Shaloa stuff that happened 3 years ago is funny. Stuff that happened last week is sensitive. (Although, not off limits!)

I've always written this blog as though I was writing an email to one single person as opposed to an open ended audience so unless I have a point, it tends to come out random which I find disappointing. As much as I like to talk, I like to have a point too.

So the point of this entry is that now that some time has passed since I begun the blog, I'm able to go back through even this past year & further comment on my crazy adventures, bring the craziness of my family to the forefront (nothing is no longer sacred) and hopefully get inspired to bring out any further stories that I've just simply forgotten about over time.... I even remember certain details I could have embellished that happened in the past 2 weeks.

Basically, beware. I'm no longer editing... It's all coming out now baby!

P.S. Some of you tell me that I drink a lot... yea I do but that's when most of this stuff happens. The stories where I'm just sitting there don't make for a good read.

Leanne needs a new pair of shoes....

There is only 2 places where I want snow.... on a Mountain and in Alberta. Anywhere else is an inconvenience and I hate it. I live in Vancouver. It rains here. In fact, it's notorious for it's unrelenting rain. Snow for us is supposed to be a luxury. Snow is supposed to be something I go visit for a couple of hours or days & then return home to balmy Vancouver being happy that I don't have to shovel anything. I always toot Vancouver as being a mild climate that doesn't swing greatly between seasons & this is what? the fourth time it's snowed in 2 months??? ANNNNNNND... How am I suppposed to wear my new Kenneth Cole shoes in this weather!!!!

Side bar: Can't believe I didn't tell you about my glorious find. A: They're gorg., B: They normally retail for $175USD and I got them for around $45USD (important to point out the USD as it would probably marked higher in Can) But, I'm sick. I'm sick & wrong. I totally get off on finding a great bargain. My other great find was a Future Shop Boxing Day Door Crasher. I got a new DVD Recorder for about $89 when they normally retail for around $300..... Oh! someone hand me a smoke!

But as for the snow: I don't ski.. I don't bobsled, I don't have a dog team so why the F*ck would I like it. This is what I asked the climate this morning when I looked out the window. Everywhere else in North America is facing the ravages of Global Warming & we're getting snowed on.... Has Toronto even seen a flake yet this winter? ENOUGH I say.

Now, if it actually stops snowing, I'll wish for that million dollars & a coke next.... no wait, I take that back, I'll wish for a smaller ass, THEN the million dollars & then the coke... cuz if my ass is small, I can drink all the pop I want and no, I don't want lipo suction or fake boobs... They just won't work on me... It'll look like 2 cantelopes being held in by a thin layer of skin.

Of course, I did have someone offer to help make sure I massage the boobs enough so that they will retain thier livelihood... thanks but no thanks. Knowing me, one will someone how get dislodged & wiggle down. Then Gretta & Ursula (yes, I named them... guess which one is the left?) will be uneven and it'll look like a cross eyed child trying to focus on the blackboard. Just won't be good.

Let the Record Show....

That I went home... tired. Yes, I went home before midnight, not only tired BUT I didn't want to have any more to drink & it's not because I was throwing up.... I just didn't want any. I know pretty un-heard of eh? So to my dismay I learned that I have limits & attribute this fatigue to me still trying to recover from Vegas but as I was riding in the elevator up I recalled that I was on a 2.5 hr walk today looking for nesting dolls.. then a little later I had another hour walk & then I went for a run... I'M NOT OUT BABY ... I'm just ridiculous.. who walks that much? Get a car woman.

But I can see why I may have come to the conclusion that Vegas actually wore me out as I believe I found my limit. Granted it's about 8 miles further then anyone else's but it's there & it has just taken me some time to come back from it.

It started off harmless enough. The strip closes down early on new years so we had to start out early.... The five of us started the evening at Chinois which was awwwwwesome. Food was great, our service was great. Our waiter just let us have a leisurely dinner... so much so that we failed to notice it was almost 930 and we had tickets at the House of Blues so we had to book it.

We thought we'd just take the tram to Mandalay. Unfortunately for us, it was closed down that night. Fortunately though, there was a bar set up outside the hotel; so shooters for everyone but that wouldn't hold us til Mandalay. You see, normally a walk from Ceasars to Mandalay would be what? 20-30 min... yea. It took us 2 hours. A lot of it was the weaving we did back and forth across the street, some of it was the amount of people that littered the strip but I think a lot of it had to do with the Pit stop we made at the Budweiser Truck. It was here where we each got a giant 4L of Beer and where my night REALLY began.

You see, I'm no ordinary tourist... I'm blonde Jesus. I really have no idea what the means either but between telling people that and doing high kicks while yelling AFN (just an acronym for the real words) the strip was quite fun... that is until I lost everyone. From what I can remember (HEY! you drink 4L of beer & try to remember your night & I'll see how well you do) anyways, from what I remember, we met some Spanish guys & then proceeded to lose each other. I believe I was the first to go, Char & BFF were 2nd as they had a urinary issues to deal with and AFNGF was last leaving AFN to get fed up & just go into the casino.

After a short stint with the police (yes, you read it here first, I'm on record with the Nevada police, Char has a great voice mail of me crying. They also don't seem to care that I'm blonde Jesus and in fact that kinda works against you ) I managed to run into AFNGF again... However, drinking 4L of beer & being detained by the police makes you want to pee REALLY bad. So into the bushes I run. I love that the police tell me that may be next time I'm in Vegas, I shouldn't be so drunk, and then I run into the bushes at Mandalay to pee. AFNGF didn't want any part of that and walked off. I was desperate to not lose anyone again and came running out of the shrubs to only completely miss the curb & scrape up my shin......



As I approach AFNGF she stared at me in horror so I look down & exclaim "oh, I'm bleeding". For some reason, everyone just appeared and into the House of Blues we went. We had a great time.... dancing, more drinking, general shenanigans. When midnight hit, I like to give everyone around me kisses on the cheek & it was fine til some girlfriend thought I was hitting on her man & shoved me across the room. In light of recent events, I just put my hands up & walked away. The guys felt bad, bought me a drink & gave me their nudie lady necklace. So now my leg is not only bleeding but I'm also wearing a nudie lady necklace.... HOT.

Around 130, Char's feet were in searing pain, BFF has had enough as she is on the verge of mono, AFNGF is just done & AFN had to leave as well.... I'm thinking this: It's vegas, It's only 130 and it's new years.... there is NO WAY I'm going home. So Char lent me her cell, and off to the louge bar I go for a drink. It does occur to me for a split second that this may not be a good idea but I shrugged it off & ordered a drink.

I met a couple of guys that may or may not have told me they were drug dealers. At that point of the night, I really didn't care & just said "that's cool" & hung out with them for a bit. They wanted to head back to Henderson to go to some party. I may have been drunk but I wasn't stupid enough to leave with them but before leaving buddy wants to bet his last $400 in chips. At the roulette table we argue where he should put his money. I relent because hey, I don't have 400 to repay him... which is good because.... he won and gave me $100 as a thank you.

Again, I can't get enough of a city where men just keep giving you cash cuz you're there.... even if your leg is bleeding & you're wearing a nudie lady necklace (I may have lost the necklace at this point) so back to the lounge bar I go. This is where I meet a young guy that works at House of Blues. I bought him a shot & he tells me no woman has ever done that for him before... look at that, I'm still managing to discover firsts. I tell him about my $100, and he agrees that we need to go gamble but I needed to find the 'right' table. Also, there is certain seat I like to sit on when playing black jack. I find a good table and sit down but kept asking the dude to my right for advice (I never know when to split/double down etc... ) My house of blues boy got fed up with me & left.... which is fine. I liked my table.

Whenever my mentor would give me advice about my hand, he would follow it up with "if you're feeling lucky". I would always go for it... Someone just gave me $100, course I'm lucky! In hindsight, I should have made bigger bets... I did manage to practically double my money which pretty much made up for the debacle at the Hard Rock.

My mentor ran out of money & we went for drinks and it's what now? 630am? Yes, drinks are definately in order. He told me he played in a band. Course if drug dealers didn't phase me, playing in a band won't make me flinch either. However, our drink was more of a cry session on both our accounts. His girlfriend dumped him just a couple of weeks before Christmas, and this was supposed to be a romantic weekend for the two of them. I look at him & ask "I'm alone in a Casino at 630am.. you think I'm doing ok?" I went to the restroom, and when I got back, he asked if I wanted to go back to his room & snuggle... yes, snuggle... I had a new years snuggle fest. We wondered if the bartender could over hear us & thought we were both probably retarded.

So to recap..... I went to Vegas for new years and was:
Kissed by a stripper
ID'd all the time
Asked if my boobs were real (nearly gay didn't know if they were real... thank you cutlets)
Men would give me money to hang with them
Was almost arrested
Made out with a musician
and came home with scabs......

YUP! I'd call that a good vacate.... no wonder I'm beat.

Leanne Doesn't Sleep...

When Char introduced me to her BFF, she followed up the introduction with "she doesn't sleep" to which I was shocked as... yea I do... A LOT actually. In my regular every day life, I need to get a minimum of 8 hours a night or I'm a useless bag of shyte. However, when I awoke Saturday morning at 9 after going to bed around 430, I was starting to possibly agree with her.

Yes, after the disappointment of turning down gambling someone else's money, we headed home & hit the sack. I went for another leisurely stroll (was for selfish reasons, I may not need sleep but after drinking, downing Gatorade is a must!).

I got back to find Char trying desperately to figure out why her cable box isn't working, nor is the internet anymore and before we knew it.. the cell phones were not working in the condo either. Was actually kinda creepy as it felt like we were in some B rated horror movie. When I lost my hairbrush I was convinced of it. Someone was ensuring we'd be ugly & cutting off all ties to the outside world! Actually, I'm just a ditz & left my brush on the kitchen counter but it was fun to try & create a plot line.... We finally gave up on any cable, grabbed a quick breakfast & headed out to Henderson for a day at the spa!

Let me tell you something.... you should always ALWAYS vacation like this:

(granted this is of a set up like a wedding but it ALMOST makes me want to take the plunge... ok who am I kidding, I went downstairs and put my name down on their waiting list... hey! I've had my stag, just gotta find the man now)

But yes, it was swank complete with champagne... I LOVED IT. Best xmas present by far.

Check out the toots:

BEFORE

AFTER (it's a real shame what happened to my foot no new years... that'll come in time)

Anyways, after a day at the spa it seemed fitting to pick up a guy in a mercedes on the highway... I didn't but you bet your ass my girl did. Some guy rolls up next to us & rolls down his window... really they were both smoothe. He asked where she was going, she replied home & he says: not before you get my number! Loved it. I also love the woman sitting shotgun did not phase my girl... If I had an ounce of self confidence that girl has, I would rule the world!

Anyways, we headed back & napped. (see I do sleep) BFF decided that she needed to conserve her energy for the big new years night and try & battle her cold so she declined on joining us out that evening.

So Char took me out to her favourite Casino, The Hard Rock. She decided that she was going to find me another cuban that was willing to let me gamble his money away. We got there probably around 11 after fighting traffic on the strip... sitting in your car with traffic not moving is probably the MOST annoying thing in the world.... Anyways.. LOVE LOVE LOVE the Hard Rock.. so much fun.

We hit the bar first because well, we needed to kickstart our eveing & I was having trouble getting my game face on. After talking to what could only be the 2 biggest in denial gay guys we've ever met... (buddy informed me that cdn girls were his favourite because we apparently love 3some's... well, if that wasn't an awkward hint, I don't know what is)... We finally hit the tables. I've never sat at black jack or roulette tables before because I find it a bit intimidating.

I ended picking Roulette because really how hard is it to pick numbers to put your chips on? That's when buddy approaches the table but the dealer wasn't giving him any attention. I managed to flag frankie's attention and the guy was thankful... so much that when I ran out of chips he started handing me his.... KA CHING... actually, no, I lost that money too but he suggested we move to the black jack table so past the bank machine I go.... really, I should just hand the 100 over to the cashier instead of going through the effort of playing games... not so bad because again, when I'd lose, he'd hand over chips to me. Apparently I lost out though. Later when he tried to hold my hand, I informed that I hate that (actually, a lot of it was him, he had bad hair... I'm joking.... sort of... ) he got frustrated & told me I was going to miss out on my big surprise.. what? money??

Anyways.. I went back to the original black jack table which brought his buddy luck and before you know it, he too started handing chips over... let me tell you.. I LOVE THIS TOWN! I love any place where men just give you money to hang out with them... Wait! that sounds wrong... but you know what I mean... hopefully... no really, I was just sitting there.. k.. that sounds worse. I better stop before I really put my foot in my mouth (too bad there's a picture on this site of that)

Finally around 5 am... Charlene & I were tired and broke so called it a night. When I woke around 1pm the next day (see... SLEEP) the question at hand was: Are we ready to do it all over again... it's new years after all but we gotta start at 5:30 this time.... are you ready?

***To be Continued***

You can never go too far....

At least that's what Ferris tells us while he's in the upscale restaurant in downtown Chicago fiercly trying to steal a reservation ... I myself, on the other hand.... can.

This past new years was spent in Vegas with my good friend Charlene, BFF, her bro AFN, and his girlfriend AFNGF. Everything started out harmless enough. I arrived Thursday night a little buzzed from my airport bar hopping. (both of my flights were a little delayed) Char picked me up & headed out for sushi followed by exploring a LARGE (I'm talking orca huge) discount liquor store which found us then sitting on the couch, drinking & catching up til 2 am. Poor Char had to work the next day. I however.... didn't.

I like to think I have some sort of standards so not a moment before noon did I have a drink. In fact I even went for a long relaxing walk... but the moment the bell rang, did I have a bottle in hand & off to the strip I went. Shopping is awesome. Drunk shopping is even better and better yet is drunk shopping with the winnings from slots.

After coming home & passing out... I tried to convince the cab driver, I didn't fall asleep but I have a feeling he didn't believe me as I have a tendency snore. Char & I head out for some eats that night at Margaritaville. The last time I was in Vegas, it was only being built so I wanted an opportunity to check it out. Now I'm a fan. May be it's because the bartender was giving me free drinks. But hey, who doesn't like an establishment that gives you free stuff? It's a good thing too because our next stop, Saphires (strip club) managed to rape & pilage our wallets with their high drink prices... The lap dances however, much more affordable. I'll leave that there... HEY! what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas you're lucky you're getting this much!

K, fine you guilted me. How should I put this? The pole dancing class I took the week before was much like what the girls were doing on stage... What they did on your lap however.... well, they didn't teach THAT in class.... that's... that's raw talent ;)

ANYWAYS.... off to Mandalay we went.. Unfortunately for me, I was drunk & I say this because when someone walks up to you & says "I want you to roll my dice" and you're confused at the concept of gambling with someone else's money, it's too bad. He opted for some black jack & I thought my chance at some free money was gone ... that was until we hit the Hard Rock on Sat.

**** to be continued***

I just got in from Vegas a couple of hours ago and................ wow. I'm barely hanging on. Starting to wish I hadn't cut my finger nails.

**more to come when I can process complete thoughts**