Anyways....

I think that everyone should totally have a few beers, hit a Stripathon, sit Gyno Row and then talk religion because it's really all about place & timing. It's even better when the person you're conversing with has an ex dancing in front of you at the time of said conversation.

Completely unrelated, I found out last night that Floor Drink (insert new blog character) once picked up a girl at a bar, took her home and as foreplay dragged her around his apartment by her hair. We all knew he was into some wierd shit but that my friend, takes the cake. I also wonder how hard that was seeing that he's into fat chicks because as he puts it, "They need love too". Apparently he is stronger then I ever gave him credit for.

Speaking of freak shows, I could have gone to the Canucks/Minnesota game last night (which for non-hockey fans is a big deal). However, that would have meant that I attended the game with Train Wreck. Since the whole talking embargo began, he hasn't relented trying to get me to speak to him. He has even included such weak attempst like texting me that he has presents or hockey tickets for me. The text about this game was the last one I have received. I think he has finally given up. (At least I hope so).

No, instead of attending the hockey game, I got to see Vancouver's finest ladies in a Charity event for Breast Cancer put on a by a group of 'exotic' ladies: The Stripathon down at the Drake............... and yes, I was drunk. Would you go down to Powell & Princess in sound mind? It is only located in the infamous downtown east side which has had a lot of public light shone onto it in recent months due to the famous Picton trial.

If I really wanted to explain why I was there, I should start at the beginning which is about 2:30 pm last Friday. Due to the amount that I've been working as of late, I was a tad burnt out Friday and just called it quits and rushed to the side of Brutal down at Cactus Club for 1 or 6 drinks. She was having some boy issues & put out the Bat Signal so Stale & I came and met her. While we were there, a guy that they partied with in Cabo came over to say hi. Not to be rude, Brutal & Stale tried introducing me to him. I comment that I had met him years before. He pauses and says, "yes, that's right..... you think I'm a pervert".

It's true... I do. (Just can't remember why though.)

Anyways, we parted ways around 6-630. Stale had to do some work & Brutal was off for a showdown so I was on drinking stand by. Seeing it was a friday around 7pm, I was not content to sit at home. I called around and a couple of people were doing odds & ends when my phone decides to die & would not recharge... So off to the mall I go to get it repaired. After being talked into upgrading to a blackberry (gotta say the new tech is fun), I just grabbed a movie & decided that the night was going to be a bust. Finally around 1045 I get the call to go out which was quickly followed up with another call stating "it's too late don't you think?" ... WHAT?? The fact that Brutal said that to me floors me. This is after all the woman that only 2 months prior asked me "What harm could come from having a couple of drinks" which I must say, ended with us in some weird illegal after hours with a 46 year old drug dealer but I digress.

Seeing as Joz texted me & also wanted to go out, I told them both to meet me at the Loose Moose & they did.... This is where it really begins because it's about here where I start having our waitress bring shots to our table. When Cully & Tina showed up.... it got even more interesting as Tina & Brutal took off to Doolins (shocked I didn't follow) No, instead, I followed Cully & Joz to the one place I vowed I'd never return BUT in my defense I was out that night supporting friends. Cully too broke up with his GF & was sad & VERY drunk... and once we were in the bar, he kept insisting that we coat check... Finally annoyed at the pleading, I just said "fine!" and threw my coat at him (insert foreshadowing).

I can't decide if that was my pivotal mistake or if making the conscious decision at 230am to get really hammered was... but both were not in my best interest. You see, my dutch friend has been trying to meet up with me for some time now & I informed DF that I was at the Roxy so they came & met me. DF was every bit a part of the getting really hammered game plan. So much so that DF started off the marathon with a couple of vodka shooters.

I'm sorry, but that's disgusting. It's a good thing the jager was there to kill the taste. You know a shooter is bad when jager is a sweet welcome into your throat.

Joz & Cully both f'd off (or at least that's how I remember it... I after all was on a mission) but not before Cully almost gets his ass kicked (not at all surprising... I have picked him up from the hospital in the past). No, we saw someone we knew with his buddies in the back room of the Roxy. It's here that Cully decides to roughouse me a bit. I fight back a tich & that's that. He then walks past one of the dudes & taps him on the cheek. Guy is about to freak out. Nicholaus is about to freak out. I am really wondering why their egos would want to get into a fight over THAT when they inform they don't like how my boyfriend treats me. After I thew up in my mouth a little, I inform them, that Cully is not my boyfriend to which they reply "oh, that's ok then". Apparently, it's ok to hit me as long as you're not in love with me.

Anyways, Dutch friend & I decide to continue drinking.... so off to their place it was and all the belgian beer you could drink.. or at least until you pass out. It's not my fault, I was given a comforter, had SNL put on and cheese bagels made for me... DF on the other hand melted cheese in a bowl & ate that.... yes.... with their fingers..... um.. ew. (not the deluxe dinner I had made for me a few weeks ago which I must say am still loving)

When I wake in the morning, all I can think is... get home... get in bed before hang over really kicks in. This couch isn't doing it for me anymore. My friend is only a couple of blocks from my house which isn't a problem. The problem was however the lack of keys I possessed... yea.. I lost my keys.. No idea where.. at their place? at the moose? at the roxy??? yea.. nothing. It's 9am, downtown & I'm stranded. I go up to the moose & peek in the windows... nothing.. I go up to the roxy & talk to dude who is hosing down the street. (he looked oddly familiar in a REALLY creepy way) and he told me to come back later that day. Right before my phone died AGAIN, I spoke to Joz & Stine.. at least I knew they were up so I headed over there.

I spoke to Brutal online & she said she'd buy me breakfast & charge my blackberry seeing as my morning was nothing but "Coming up Milhouse". Was relieved to get some normality back in my day until I couldn't find her place. It's about here where I should mention that I'm still drunk. Joz told me I sounded it on the phone & was wondering why the freaky people on Granville were saying hi to me. I said hi back because well, I'm currently homeless & may as well not make enemies with my new neighbors.

I also wondered if it was because I looked freaky.... and yes, I did. When I finally looked in a mirror, I noticed my make up smeared across my cheek (not much as stine pointed out). I was relieved that I was wearing normal clothes & not the normal bar star outfit I tend to flash when I go out. However, I got lost when walking to Brutal's place from Stine's. I always think that Brutal lives on 11th when it is 12th in fact so I'm pacing up & down the street unable to find her apt. I did look on 12th but the crack in my system made me fail to see her apt bldg. I finally started asking strangers on the street to use their phone.... and yes it's 12th.. I won't find it on 13th.. super.... off to her place I go.

She bought me brunch & divulged that she drunk dialed the night before but woke in horror around 8am at that prospect so quickly texted him the following to try & smoothe things over:

"Please ignore that phone call last night. A midget stole my phone. Midgets are really inconsiderate."

I think it's brilliant. In fact, as Shaloa points out, it works in may instances... "Sorry I didn't call you back.. a midget stole my phone" etc...

But I finally got into my apartment around 330pm after I called a locksmith to pick my lock. So I'm glad that I stayed in town this weekend to save a little money and not take off to Vegas or Calgary as once planned. Because wasting money on a new FOB and locksmith was much more worthwhile.

***to be continued***