LATER THAT SAME DAY....

I forgot to mention my disdain for certain emails... you know the ones that are all touchy feely & tell one another that you love them because some handicapped kid hit a ball or someone's mom came back from the grave or a puppy has on a halloween costume..... STOP SENDING ME THOSE... I'm not sensitive. Don't try & convert me. I hate them...

SIDE BAR: I remember one houseboating trip, I met a guy who was cute & fun & took a blanket, his guitar and me onto the beach and serenaded me for at least half an hour... You know what I thought the whole time? "Wow, this is so wasted on me." and I covered my mouth so he couldn't see me laughing... at him. Yes, everyone, I'm mean. There it's out. I just don't like over the top gestures... I'm a "it's all in the details" kinda chick. (fine so I wasn't hugged as a child.. whatever.. it's over rated)

I also want to point out to the email happy that the kid ISN'T missing, lipstick IS fine, no one is going to pay you ANYTHING for forwarding that email, and no, you won't be left in a tub of ice WITHOUT your kidneys.... and your petition will only go as far as the person who STOPPED fwding it.

At least chain letters had money in them... you people suck.

STOP BEING SO GUILLABLE. It's not in the dictionary anyways.

These are a few of my LEAST favourite things....

Whenever anyone posts a comment online, I recieve an email notifying me of such an occurance. Last night, I recieved five emails in the course of half an hour from what I could tell as being a male reader who started at the latest & ran down the entries, commenting every so often. WHO ARE YOU? I know that this blog is only read by a select few.... Anonymity drives me completely insane. It's not that hard to leave at least a name. Now, I've been sitting here wondering who you were & phoning people trying to figure out this mystery man... Course the more I say that I want to know who you are, the more I realize you'll never tell & probably continue to play with my head.

To continue my uselsess rant, I want to comment that I can not stand when people do not call you back.... If I bothered to go to the effort of leaving you a freakin' message... RETURN THE DAMN CALL. I have a reason to be phoning. I'm not 13. I don't want to sit on the phone & watch TV with you. I have something to say...... I'm creating a blacklist as we speak... no more phone calls for you.

Other annoying notable mentions (some of these may be repetative)
1: Sound of people chewing... especially bananas
2: Anything that rattles too much...
3: Women who walk hard in their heels & are keeping time behind you on the sidewalk
4: Men who play with the change in their pockets.
5: People who put clothes on their dogs.

There's more, but I can't be bothered... I'm out.

Ask me what I'm looking for....

It's Thursday and you know what that means.... the weekend is quickly approaching us.

Last Friday I managed to go out with the girls.... Shaloa, Roomate (what can I say? I got no name for you), C-Hatch, Stiner, Scarface & of course the boys, Firemarshall & Splatter Platter.

BUT I met up with Shaloa and Roomate down at Section three. Section Three is a funky little restaurant/lounge down in Yaletown that was once named De Niro's but after Bobby sued the owner for using his name, she changed it to Section Three because that is the section that states she can't use his name bla bla bla.

Anyways, it was packed and so we went into the lounge side. Not two minutes passed before we were invited to join some fellows at their table. Granted some of them were on the nerdier side but I must admit "nicely done" as that was rather quick. After a drink or two they were on their way to Shine but not before Shaloa got digits with our Swedish exchange student (Ok.. so he works at EA).

So we were vulnerable again

The lounge tables in Section Three are high and we were sitting on stools ourselves. After one guy stalked our table roughly 10x. I'm not kidding you, he kept lapping our table. He finally stopped to say hello. Before you knew it, there was a friend at his side & before you registered the friend was standing there, a third trollish looking friend also appeared.

They were the night at the Roxybury. A makeshift group of friends out to try & pick up girls & using any feeble attempt of pick up lines to do so. If they came equipped with a laugh track, it may have explained thier lines but unfortunately it was real.

The first friend was the only one of the three dressed in a suit which in Yaletown is not that out of the ordinary but when you're the only one you look out of place, so we inquired to that. He explained he worked at Moore's, the suit people but his real passion was for Monopoly tournanments (sounds like a guy after Special K's heart) .... uh-huh.. yea, you're super funny.

Then there was friend number two, Tat. We were asked us what was he looking for? (answer at the bottom) Apparently I'm the smart one even though I'm blonde..... Wow.. thanks for pointing that out you're really starting to owe us points instead of win them.

And seeing as we had the stools, the boys had to stand with us at our table. Troll only made it up to about Roomate's boobs himself and did nothing but stand next to her with a big stupid grin on his face complete with braces. You knew looking at him, he hadn't made it out since the 80's and for some reason idolized these two guys.

If I haven't been able to sum up the three stooges enough for you ... put it this way. These boys probably work together or are part of some club somehow together... Moore's & Tat talk about how they meet girls all the time & Troll wanted a part of that. So you know they said "hey, come out with us friday & we'll show you how it's done!" Except they have no game. Yes you are talking to girls but you kinda need them to answer back in order for it count.

Anyways, before Moore's could finish his offensive women joke, Stine & Firemarshall walked in giving me the excuse to shout out "Sorry We Kept you waiting! We'll leave RIGHT AWAY!!!!!"


----------------------------

"TIT" for TAT

Riddle Me This....

Like a bizarre episode of Seinfeld, it came to my attention this weekend about a massive difference between men & women. If you had a choice of going pee in a bathroom or going pee outside, which would you choose? APPARENTLY, about 9 out 10 guys would choose outdoors and for the following reasons:

1: You don't have to aim (How lazy are you people? It's not like it's a carnival game & you're aiming for an impossible hole for a prize. It's a giant bowl. May be I should hand out teddy bears every time you come out of the bathroom)
2: There is no splash
3: And when you find a really good location it makes it that much better ... ie it's the middle of the woods & the moon is out etc....

I even got a "It's one of the best things about camping" For one guy, who really didn't care, changed his vote when I listed the above reasons... Outside it is.

I was told I would never understand because I'm a girl... and well, you're right. It's not that I don't get WHY you like peeing outside. It's that you'd RATHER pee outside.

Right there showed me the difference between men & women because I fail to see one woman who'd say she'd rather pee outside let alone like it at all for pretty much all the reasons you like.

1: You have to be strategic with it (We can't just stand there, it would just fall down our leg)
2: The squatting... enough said.
3: MASSIVE splash
4: And there is no good spot to pee because we have to find some dense shrubbery and well, that scratching your ass isn't fun.
5: The toilet paper factor. We can't just shake.

Much like Shrinkage, I had never heard of this before. (again... the seinfeld reference) So yesteday, whenever I talked to a guy I knew, out came the indoors/outdoors question. The one guy that said he'd rather pee in the bathroom didn't surprise me with his answer. He's a very particular fellow.

When I come to think about it, I never do see guys in line for the bathroom at a house party........

Sometimes Common Sense Evades Us All....

Or Does it?

Another Weekend where I headed on up to the Loops has passed. (I'm starting to see a recurring theme here). As nice as it was, I was tuckered out from my drive home & the jaunty hike in the country or at least that's what Furniture Man calls it. I call it randomly stopping the car & just hoofing it up the hillside... (toh-MAY-toes... toh-MAH-tos.)

As I was leaving town I thought it best that I get a coffee and seeing as the gas was bordering on empty, it was also a good idea to stop at a gas station. Before hitting the highway, I do pass about 3 from his place... but noooooo. I wanted the petro canada as I like the store they have there .... BUT WAIT! Why have gas station coffee when you can have Starbucks? So into the strip mall, I turn.

After saying that the worst tasting coffee EVER was fine, I got back in my car to head home... The petro canada should have been the very next exit... except it's not & am trying to figure why am I seeing signs for Vernon. Yesss, DUMB ASS! You didn't want highway NORTH... THAT was yesterday. We're going back to Vancouver... We want SOUTH.... so I turn around (I'm still in town, just a little back tracked)... OK... so NOW I am now in the right direction and am scooting along & see the strip mall where I stopped for coffee.... and WOOSH... THERE goes the petro Canada exit.

Did I mention that this was pretty much the last exit before you leave Kamloops?... So it is about here is where I'm REALLY watching the gas tank and I'm trying to guage if I have enough gas to make it to Merrit (half hour to 45 minutes .. ok.. so for normal people 45 minutes to an hour).... my guess is no as the car burns through it quickly and well, I don't know how to drive under 130km/hr.

So I'm REALLY hoping there is an exit and in case you were wondering, the scale station for trucks isn't it.... So I gave them a polite wave & continued through....

Ok... so my next option is to drive across the grassy dipped meridian. Seeing as I had a rental car, I didn't really give a crap about it... Did I mention that it's after 7pm and night fall has encroached? So my vision isn't the best... On the high beams go. About now, I'm pissing everyone off. I'm doing about 75 on a 110 speed limit & every oncoming car is being blinded... BUT DAMN IT... I'm looking for one of those emergency thru roads... Luckily enough for me it didn't take me long to find one... Well, I had passed one already which is what gave me the idea in the first place... so when I saw the second... I had no problem to come to a complete stop, reversing & booting it through as my gas light had come on and with every passing second, I was getting further away from Kamloops.

I really didn't want to have to make an embaressing call to Furniture Man asking him to bring me some gas as I did mention I had passed numerous stations earlier... but NOOOOO .... I wanted the Petro Can. Even though I was so eager to burn it back to town to fill up, I didn't want to also burn through the gas. So about now, I'm singing along to the music to keep me calm and not in a good melodic tone. No, I'm pretty sure I was giving off some creepy, high pitched nerveous noise.

So about half an hour after I initially left FM's place, I was finally on my way home. A good three and a tich hours later was safely in my bed... (I told you... I speed!)

Damn You Little Friday...

LITTLE FRIDAY: The anticipated growlings for Real Friday where upon the person feels the imminent need to divulge on partying on a Thursday whilst fully knowing they must rise the next day and attend work.

I feel like poo today.

Last night a few of us got together & went out for dinner for friends' birthdays this week. I decided I wanted to eat at home and so instead, I sat there and indulged in glass of red wine after glass of red wine.... Now I feel like poo. Then after settling our bill, a few people decided that yes, they should go home. Not me. Sip by Sip & I decided that we should definately not let Little Friday end so off to Republic we went... it was dead. So off to the Roxy we went and you know what? I'm old and I feel like poo.

I remember going to the Roxy waaaay back when I was 17 and under age thinking that the place was full of old people and was not for me. Since then I've not only become said old people but rather have passed them and am now one of those cougars you laugh at when you see them in the bar..... At least that is how I perceived it.

In my head I'm not old but rather still an immature brat that fights to get her own way at all costs. For crying out loud I still think it's a good idea to go out on Little Friday!

I also received an email yesterday from someone who wants to catch up with me in person rather then in emails. She has been trying to follow this blog to see what I've been up to, but with the exception of a couple of entries haven't written anything to telling.

Let me catch you up to speed since Thanksgiving.

I went up to the Loops for one night only which included Tubbin' fun & getting to know friends & family better (4 hours in a car with a stranger leaves you knowing a person a lot better!) Came home to go to a 30th birthday party but was tired & bailed early. Went to gobble dinner the next night, felt sick and bailed early (I'm sensing a trend)

The for the next week I sat there. Worked at home. Sat There. Worked out. Sat There. Sat There... and then Sat There some more.

It's about here where I started creating things in my head to be hysterical about. Then I worked a little more and *BAM* it was friday.

Went out with friends but was tired so I bailed early (This is now two times where I needed to go home before my Co-Captain Friend and seeing as I'm coined "the party girl" whilst he isn't makes me want to hang my head in shame).

Then there was a wedding which I too had to bail from as I was tired (in my defense, it was 2 am and I wanted to not be in pain during kickboxing)

About Tuesday I got tired of all that sitting there, managed to scream at everyone I do see or talk to as the hysteria in my head has reached epic proportions... Finally decided to go out with friends which brings us to Little Friday and it's ever impending pain in my head. I'm looking into getting a hobby.

I thought last night would have been the first dreamless night I've had all week but alas early in the morning I was awakened with the sad feeling of Shaloa snogging my ex (in my dream we were together) and once confronted she scoffed in my face declaring "you were NEVER together... I know all about you two" implying that he told her all our love secrets. I let her know on MSN about my dream & she promises she'll never snog a man named Pylon.... See, THAT's a friend!!!

I'm back to the big plans of sitting there again tonight but that's mostly becuase it is self induced & as noted: I feel like poo.

Cambie Bridge Adventures...

Flashers... I used to not think too much of it. I've seen it on TV and usually it's made light of. As there is always some skinny white guy in a trench coat & he whips it open.

I always wondered... What's the big deal? So you see some skin? Yea... course in real life it never happens that way. No in real life you're walking down the street, listening to your iPod, minding your own business when *BAM*!!!! some man whips around with his pants slightly undone but just enough to free willy & proceed to finish urinating in plain view of you. Perhaps that's not enough. Perhaps, he will continue walking down the street, urninating as he's going (how he doesn' t get it on himself, I don't know).

Yea, just today as I was going to subway to get a tasty sandwich, I was confronted with such a man. I didn't get the full urinal experience but there was another colour present aside from the brown in his pants. Horrified to this experience, I phoned Nanz so I could expel some of the bile that had formed in my mouth to only find out that a few days ago the same thing happened but he proceeded to walk & urinate down her street while children were playing....

Last time I checked Cambie Street was on the west side & supposed to be a 'nice' area of town... WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.

I think I'm going to need to ponder this may be I'll be like dude I saw on Monday & hike it to the middle of the Cambie bridge sit on the bench, chug a beer & huck it over the railing......

Weird place for a bench may I add. You get a view of Science World and the building of an island... OH YA! The city is building a feaking island in the middle of false creek.... With all of the homelessness going on, someone decided the best way to allocate our tax money is to build an island... cuz you know that won't just turn into a homeless campground .... a good place for kids to go get drunk at night, for weird sexual yada yadas, and drug users.. yea, a real family entertainment nook.

Then there will be fights, we'll find dead bodies, it will have to be policed. Then we won't be allowed on it anymore.. & it will be a GIANT WASTE OF MONEY!!!!

I suppose you can say that could happen in any park in any part of town (how do you think I could forsee the future?) BUT a man made island so we can kayak around it... uh-huh.. last time I checked people didn't go kayaking in false creek. Aside from the dragon boaters, no one acutally goes into that water cuze well... ew!

You are the Wing beneath my Wind

This is my new all time favourite Musical Artist

To fully appreciate her musical stylings, check it out at:
wingsounds2
She definately knows how to make a song her own.

Ween '06

So Halloween is fast approaching & I have no idea what it is I want to dress up as this year. I thought may be, it would help if I went through my old photos to see what I've been in years past.

Warning: The photos you are about to see are tacky and are expressly used without the consent of the subjects....

My first trick or treating w/ my big bro.. I think I'm 4 or 5. I remember Mark was walking beside me & would ever so often dip into my bucket & take out what candy he didn't think was appropriate for me... Hey A-hole! I Want my candy back! I also want that tape you told me to buy when I was 6 & is now conveniently located in your collection!

Course there had to be one year where I was a scary witch (age: 6)

I dig the unicef box. (age: 7)

What is sad is that belt is in fashion now... My friend has that exact one. I don't know why I owned that skirt but my mom made the top for me. (age 9 or 10)


Then of course there is the year I get to go treatin' with my firends. (age: 12)

Just a hop skip & a jump to high school... I am not entirely sure what we were trying to be here.. I think just something from the 60's. That is actually a dress of my mother's that we cut & hemmed... (age: 15)

and much like Beyonce, my mother sewed slutty clothes for us as well... The tops were courtesy of her.. my bottoms were a thrift find & I can't remember what we did for Prud's pantst.. I do want to know if I put my make up on in the dark seeing as I have SO MUCH ON!
(age: 16)


And just a couple of years ago a few of us did the superhero thing. Here I am with She-Ra. This was the most effort I've ever put into a costume (age: 27)

mmm... may be i'd be better off if I just buy something...

Hindsight is 20/20

Sometimes I wish I could spin around hard enough so I could bring hindsight to the forefront. That or actually listen to that inside voice that warns you off of bad decisions. I think mine must sound like my mother because I hate being told what to do and well, frankly, just never seem to listen to that inner dialogue. Mostly, I think it's because I don't have any and rather tend to speak out every thought I have at every time I have it. I attribute it partly to living alone... I talk to myself.

I generally veer away from the touchy feely posts or the ones that are reflective of any sort but events of the weekend have left me feeling justified and smug.... So I'm good! But I'm bringing it to the forum because just 6 months ago (I can't believe I've been writing in this thing that long), I wrote about my St Patrick's day adventures and disclosed that I met a guy and in the middle of the night (after not doing that... get your minds out of the gutters people) I ran out on him in my socks no less & booked it home to only have realized I left my earrings behind and began what would have been my most tumultuous relationship.

When we broke up, I was pretty heartbroken. I had developed some feelings for this guy & was led to believe that our dissolution was primarily my fault...... WELL, let me tell you how THAT went out the window this weekend. Yes, he's been sniffing around and no, I didn't totally Kibosh that idea... mostly because I will be the first to admit, attention is fun & well, I was milking this up but I had decided that enough was enough & wanted to come clean about me dating someone and that yes, I'm happy.

For some inane reason he took this as a challenge & insisted on seeing me & in fact sweetened the deal by offering me a ride to the wedding I was to attend... sure! I could use a ride so over there I went.... Let me tell you what GIANT train wreck he is. It's interesting to see them in a different light & actually hear the garbage that comes out of their mouths...

Not only did I catch him in a lie but really... looking at him makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit (and until last Thursday didn't know that phrase came from the movie Dodgeball.. yes, I'm ensconsing myself in Dodgeball).... I really wish that Saturday morning 6 months ago, I didn't ask for him to return the earrings but rather had just made a trip to the mall. It would have saved me time, heartache & emotional baggage.

However, if I wasn't so heartbroken & disenchanted, it may not have brought me to my present situation so does this phase in my life qualify as "everything happens for a reason"?... for now, I'll say yes.

Thriller...

The good news about being in my 30's is that I know the dance moves to Michael Jackson's Thriller... the bad news is that I do the dance rather well.

I remember when that album came out. I was in grade three. The same year that I met my best friend, Nanz.

Yes, Nanz is one of my oldest friends.... granted we grew apart in highschool due to the fact she moved to Vancouver & discovered black while I stayed in Tsawwassen & clapped my hands. Yes, the cheerleader vs the grunge artist tend not to mesh well. In fact, right after my mother passed, we didn't speak for five years until we happened upon each other one day in the mall and realized that we've met somewhere back in the middle. She added colour to her wardrobe & I well, I'd like to say I've calmed down but well, you've met me.

Tsawwassen isn't a large town. It has a population of may be 13 000 (at least when I lived there) but pretty much everyone knows each other. I remember seeing her at swimming lessons. So when she was placed in my class that following September, I couldn't wait til recess where I ran up grabbed her hand & exclaimed "Let's Play!"

What I don't remember is what I said to them next "I've never seen people like you before".... (yes, Tsawwassen was pretty much an all white community) However, as opposed to recoiling by their differences, I was rather intrigued.

What's ironic is that I rarely approach people myself. I will always speak with people who talk to me but I myself, don't go up to people with the exception of 2 people Nanz & Sam (oh, I forgot about Charlene. She wasn't a complete stranger & rather I greeted her when she came to Tiff's house but I was met with a growl & it took me a good 6 months before I spoke to her again).

ANYWAYS... Seeing as Nanz was the new kid in school, she arranged to meet her younger sister at the teeter totters on the break which is where I also met Erin who was my grade 3 hero. Later that week I went over to their house to play after school and we decided a fun game was to climb up the bunk beds, onto the bookshelf & out the window to the roof. (This proves to me that kids will do whatever, whenever they can & you can only protect them so much) Nanz managed to get outside but as I was about to go through the window, a spider came spindling down, startling me & sent me flying off the bookshelf. I hate spiders. In fact, I'm deathly afraid of them & have nightmares about them to this day.

BUT Erin, my hero, dramatically killed that dreadful spider by throwing every book on it, stomping on it and doing everything possible to help stop my tears. Ever since that day, she had my heart.

Nanz too helped me with my fears. When I was 8, the video for Thriller came out & was revolutionary in its broadcast. The dancing zombies & Vincent Price's voice scared me so much that even though I was a die hard MJ fan, it was very hard for me to hear the complete version of the song.

When Vincent spoke, it was over top of the zombies chasing down the girl in the street and so it reminded me of that each time I heard the song that is until I listened to it with Nanz. You see, one of our favourite things was to but on MJ and dance... but when that song came on, I got squeamish. She instructed me to sit down & plug my ears. So as I sat there with my fingers inserted in the side of my head, I was waiting for ... something. Right at the end of the song she falls down rolling around pointing & laughing, pretending that Vincent's laugh was hers. Poof... my fears have been switched over to what probably was my first inside joke (albeit, lame but you gotta start somewhere).

It was these two that helped me get out of my shell. They helped me see things differently and I sill value their friendship to this day.... granted that was the last time they've done anything nice for me (JOKING!... sort of) but yes, with out them I'd be worse off.

MORE WORDS

WEIGHT
WEIGH
BEIGE
FREIGHT

Ghetto Kitty....

So I'm watching the Simpsons the other night & it was the episode where they travel to Japan. One of my favourites... right at the end they make fun of Canadians (not the only reason I like it) but this episode pretty much doesn't keep anything sacred so it's good for sh*ts & giggles. As they were flying over they point out the different production factories, and one was the Hello Kitty Factory which was depicted as being all run down & dodgy. I would love to think that a toy endeared to millions (even I collected the stickers when I was wee) would come from a delapitated building but alas, this only reminded me of my neighbor a few years back....

Ghetto Kitty kind of reminds me of when I lived in Richmond (and for those that know about Richmond, I'm not going there........ ) but I'm acutally referring to the ghetto building I seemed to have resided in. After the Schizo moved out, a single woman I'd say mid to late 30's moved in across the hall from me. She pretty much kept to herself & I only saw her periodically as she left her apartment with her ugly yellowed out fried hair, ski jacket & tight acid wash jeans. By the way it's 1998 so either she transplanted herself from Surrey or was in a time warp.

Never had a problem with her. Because I was in school, I tended to stay up late w/ various projects etc... So you could imagine my surprise when the buzzer for the front door went off one night.

"RCMP, can you please let us into the building?"
"Uh... hold on" I decided to run downstairs because if it really was the RCMP, yes, they probably needed to be let in but I was more convinced that it was a prank caller or some random dude but no in fact it was the police and they proceeded straight to her apartment.

The banged on the door & you could hear her yelling "I didn't call the RCMP" in the most slurred out voice possible. You just know she was stumbling as she said it. Perhaps even threw her empty glass at the door. I shook my head & disappeared into my place only to be aroused by some more ruckus not too long after.. Yes, miss keeps to herself was being wheeled out on a stretcher fully strapped down...... I hate to say it but it's even more reason to avert your eyes in the hall.

I pretty much had forgotten all about it & went about my way. That is until one night when I came home late. I distinctly remember it being a Thursday evening & in which case I would have been out of school as there was no time for a social life when I was in class.

But to get to my hallway you would walk up some stairs & then go through two fire doors. The first set just lets you either go straight or turn left... I turn left & go through the 2nd set of doors to my hallway. As soon as I burst through, I see her sprawled out on the floor of the hallway dressed in her nightie, winter coat & what would have been her purse in hand but because she was sprawled was only in the vicinity.

I really just wanted to step over her & poke out my eyes because apparently she didn't wear panties with her nightie & well, it had managed to inch up to high in her state giving the viewer an eyefull.

Only because there were children on the floor did I managed to grab her hand & hoist her up. She slightly came to. I chucked her purse into her apartment, gave her a shove & went to bed. I have no idea if she managed to go to bed... get where she was going or even fall down but that was one mess I didn't want to deal with.

I still can't decide if I'd rather have that living across the hall from me or girlfriend of a paranoid schiz. I'll admit this IS better then living w/ an escort (yea, that was a FUN revelation) and at least w/ the latter of the two, there's medication.

Geekdom, I've Arrived!

Yes, I've stated it before and I'll state it again... I'm a geek. A big one. Not only do I try & figure out what words go against our english rules of thumb, but last night for the first time since I was in grade school, I gathered in a gymnasium to play none other then Dodgeball....

woooooooo hoooooooo!

It took me a good 20 minutes to get over the fact that I was playing dodgeball. People, I'm 31.. You're a lawyer.. and you! you have 2 kids!

I did notice that I really started to really get into it. You see it all started out innocently enough, my friend phoned me up and asked if I wanted to come out as they were short a girl.

Oh that's right.... there's a league. There is not 1, not 2 not even 3 dodgeball leagues in Vancouver.... but a whopping 4!! Never knew adults got together and did this til about 2 weeks ago nevermind that there was a league.

It sounded very underground to me as though there is a collective out there that congregates together for one hour once a week & whomp the crap out of eachother but yet never reveals this to the outside. You know they just pass eachother on the street & give a slight nod. My friend was pointing out the 'good' players to me last night... "that guy's got a good arm" she'd say... What is it that I agreed to do here?

Seeing as I spent the entire day chained to my computer, the thought of running around & throwing balls as hard as I could at people sounded like a great idea... For the most part it was. Except the opposing team took the game, in my opinion, waaaaaay to seroiusly. I think they actually spent time recruiting. Every player had a pitcher arm & went way to many times for the head (against the rules)....

Can't say I'm going to rush out and do that again.... may be the game would be more fun if there was a higher beer quotient in the mix. It was remarkably absent last night (apparently, booze on school ground is prohibited)... But if there is room for 4 Dodgeball Leagues in Vancouver, I'm going to start up my own league... The Red Rover League it will convene at Tito's house every Sunday... very underground, very hush hush...

Til then I'll leave you with one word going out to C-Hatch: FREIGHT

Vegas Baby Vegas...

So I get a call this past Saturday from Charlene et al which really ticked me off because I was supposed to be there & did mention I was supposed to be laying drunk poolside instead of driving down the Coquihalla from Kamloops. She told me yes, they were drunk but no, not by a pool as they were sitting around reading this blog.... yea, darling. It's called V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N. This is meant for wasting away the work hours not your saturday morning. However, it's nice you took the time to catch up.

I've only ever been to Vegas once & well, I do think I did it up right. Aside from the drunken debauchery that both Karen & I partook, we met some VERY interesting people.

I remember the Saturday night that we went out. We were waiting in line at Rum Jungle (We thought we'd start there.... it was after all 10ish) Since there was a teeny bit of a line, I decided that time would pass more quickly if we had drinks in our hands so off to the lounge bar I went. While trying desperately to find an opening at the bar, a young man waved me over. He asked me the usual questions "What are you up to?" "Can I buy you a drink?"

Not only did he have a thick New York (think more Long Island) accent but his name was Carmine and dude was sporting a gray suit complete with a tilted fedora. (good lord)

So I basically give him my order & tell him where we were headed to which he responds
"What the fuck you going to the Rum Jungle for" Which sounded more like "Foahr"

He continues "You go get your Beautiful Baby Friend & we'll go upstairs to the Foundation Room" (sound it out: Fown-day-shun Rooom)

Ok ok ok... stop. Did you just say what I think you said.... Beautiful Baby Friend??
Did people honestly talk like this in real life or are you Vince Vaughn's long lost cousin?

Needless to say, I come back to Karen double fisting stating "Our Night's taken care of".

Who wouldn't want to hang out w/ tilted Fedora wearing Carmine transplanted from NY who uses Beautiful Baby??

We left the line up & went back to meet up with him and his friend who apparently used to be the honeycomb kid back in the day. Regardless if he was lying or not, I found him highly entertaining. I'm guessing it was Coke he was on as he did keep wiping his nose and oops, just HAD to keep disappearing to the bathroom. But the maniacal energy made for quite the spectacle. When he started to zirburt my belly, well, that's when I pretty much had enough.

I have never talked to either of those guys again nor the "actor" they flew into town to meet them.... (They're movie producers... OF COURSE.) Whomever they were, I didn't have to wait in one line-up, pay for one drink and sit in some of the more exclusive VIP bars throughout the strip.

What can I say? I love Vegas.

I didn't know I missed you until I heard your voice....

I just thought that sounded nice.

Anyways, there is an unprecendented number of people that are staggering drunk by 10 am or so... There could be lots of drunk people around but I'm talking about the slurry, smelling drunk people that seem to be making a come back.

Also found out....

Apparently, when someone is coughing up loogies behind you on the bus & you get up to switch seats, you offend them. So may be don't curse back at them & say "you're the only with a problem with it"

Then may be when they say "you should wipe that look off your face" you shouldn't perhaps come back with "F**K you" and then as you walk off the bus, when they threaten bodily harm, don't retort with " Ya? I dare you" Cuz you know what? you may think the bus will leave and you're safe. But it doesn't... No. It sits there & gives the offender a chance to get up & follow you.

I hope I was fun to watch.

Whistler.... again.

You know what I don't want to wake up to? A crying chick's bare ass stomping down the hallway looking for her pjama pant bottoms. Yea.. that's what I woke up to around 6 am Sunday morning.

I headed up to Whistler yet again for a stag. Although this time it was a legitimate one. So sad to report that no one recognized me from my last debaucherous weekend as Saturday was supposed to be my "wedding" day. I even prepared a back story as to why the wedding fell through.... (k, so right after I finish this entry, I'm going to try & go out & get a life).

Anyways... there were about 12 of us staying up in the Whistler Inn Suites which I do NOT recommend. The friday night, Hairdresser pulled down the sheets to the bed to find them covered in blood.... yea, so 20 minutes later they found themselves a new room situated right in front of the hot tub.... Convenient? .. absolutely.. Clean? Well, I can tell you I didn't pull down the sheets when I went to sleep Saturday night.

Actually I can tell you I didn't sleep much Saturday night. We had the traditional firing it up in the room to be followed in one of the bars. Let me tell you that dancing is fun but dancing on tables is better.

Why is that? Why is climbing on stuff & being higher then everyone else more of a rush?? Is this in case anyone gets in my dance space I can boot f**k them to the head? or is it so I can minimize my dance skills down to JUST the booty shake? or is it because then I can jump off the table to unsuspecting passer-bys yelling "boo-ya!"

Anyways, we finally managed to make it back to our room & seeing as I was staying with the bride, our room was the party room. I had been disappointed so I decided that there wasn't much reason for me to stay awake & passed out amongst the mileu.

I was woken up around 430 by Hairdresser desperately trying to rip the sheets off my bed while I was on top of them. Her friend, we'll name FreakShow, wanted my blankets for herself as she was going to sleep on the couch. After some adjusting I drifted off again to only be woken this time around 6 am.

You see, I'm sleeping on a murphy bed and FreakShow got up in the night & tripped on one of the lets. Granted yes, this hurts, but why cry out like a sea lion and roll around on the floor to clamour up, stomp down the hallway sans bottoms, slam the bathroom door & whip open the fridge door, shaking everything inside. She then entered the bedroom crying about how she couldn't find her pjamas & NOW want them....

OK. ya.. did I mention this woman was a mother?? She actually cares for another lifeform... good lord.. She managed to get Hairdresser to look for the pants and while she was doing this stole hairdresser's spot in the bed bumping her to the couch.

THEN at 8 this scene was to only be repeated again with the exception that she has on underwear. It's about this time that I got up & booted it home.

Can't wait to see her at the wedding.