not even 24 hours

It's been not even 24 hours & I've fallen down the stairs..... Damn those narrow steps!

I ARRIVED!!!!!!

Hello! I arrived and am in one piece... Sam was waiting at the gate for me w/ a vanilla latte in hand. (she truly loves me) I tried staying awake the night before so I could sleep on the plane... I think no matter what I would have gotten off the plane & felt the same way.... pukey.. well, I'm up on my crappy movies (of course I had to see harry potter on my way to London) and now am just killing time til I catch my connecting flight to Amsterdam... I'm sure that city will result in many stories.


See you on the dark side!

i don't know.... you tell me.

One more sleep!!!!

I head to Europe for 3 weeks tomorrow.. I've never been am quite excited. Hopefully I'll tons of stories & photos to share.

I'm meeting my best friend Sam there & here is a rough itinerary....

I fly into Gatwick thurs morn & have a 4 hour layover... & then we head to Amsterdam for 4 nights.

Monday the 3rd we fly to Valencia & spend 3 nights before making our way up to Barcelona for 4 nights.

We fly to Milan on the 10th & head straight for Florence for 3 nights. Train down to Rome & spend 3 nights there.

We fly back to London on the 16th where I spend 3 days alone before coming home on the 19th.

Should be very whirlwind...

Looking forward to the fun!!!!

I'll try & post while I'm gone

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1.......

I'm on a post mania today... I shamelessly ripped this off another blog.. I'll admit it.

10 Favorites
Favorite Season: summer
Favorite Color: Pink
Favorite Time: morning
Favorite Food: Cheese
Favorite Drink: Crown & soda or Jack on the rocks (i would say i'm hard core)
Favorite Ice Cream: Chocolate or Hagan Daaz coffee
Favorite Place: My bed
Favorite Sport: Hockey
Favorite Actor: anyone but Tom Cruise
Favorite Actress: Anyone but Angelina Jolie

9 Currents
Current Feeling: run down
Current Drink: water
Current Time: um?? noonish
Current Show on tv: um..... I'm pretty sure they're showing a seinfeld re-run somewhere
Current Mobile used: motorola
Current Windows Open: firefox
Current Underwear: underwear???? (nice, I know)
Current Clothes: black/gray trousers & a black turtleneck sweater
Current Thought: I really don't feel like working.

8 Firsts
First Nickname: Annie 2 Shoes
First Kiss: Rob Reith... Grade 7 or 8 Christmas Dance
First Crush: omg.. his name was Jason & i was in grade 1
First Best Friend: Arlana Green (still is!!)
First Vehicle I Drove: Toyota Tercel
First Job: Carlton Cards
First Date: Walking on the beach in Hawaii!!!!!!!!
First Pet: Dog named Moses

7 Lasts
Last Drink: London Fog
Last Kiss: Guy named Shawn in Doolins (wow.. I keep getting classier & classier)
Last Meal: Tuna & Rice bowl
Last Web Site Visited: Blogger
Last Movie Watched: Mr Mom (i love TBS)
Last Phone Call: My printer
Last TV show Watched: Becker (did i mention I watched TBS)

6 Have You Evers
Have You Ever: Broken the Law: Yes
Have You Ever Been Drunk: Uh huh
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Yes (even not including sat night)
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire: Yes
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Oh yeah
Have You Ever Broken Anyones Heart: Yes

5 Things
Things You Can Hear Right Now: constant hum of construction
Things On Your Bed: The basics - sheets & 6 pillows... i love feeling luxurious
Things You Ate Today: Tuna bowl, bagel
Things You Can't Live Without: cell phone, mascara, hair products, milk.
Things You Do When You Are Bored: phone arlana repeatedly.

4 Places You Have Been Today
dai masu
Shower
cambie bridge
starbucks


3 Things On Your Desk Right Now
computer,
suhi
phone

2 Choices
Black or White: Black
Hot or Cold: Hot

1 Place You Want To Visit
Spain

What's become of us?

When was the last time you spoke to your friends? Do you ever leave a voice message & then a few days later get one back with an update to how they're doing? Send the occasional email? Maybe a distant cousin sends you a christmas card once a year.

My communication skills have reached new heights. They are to such an extreme that even I shake my head. Kristin (Special K) and I have been friends since I walked past 7 homes to her house in grade 5 & said... "so you're the new girl" She's been shocking me ever since. Granted there are periods that have gone by where we haven't spoken but we've always managed to keep in touch. Well last night I realized we have completely modernized the term keeping in touch. We don't talk on the phone, we don't email, Hell, we don't even talk on MSN ....NO we both have blogs & keep in contact with each other in the "comment" section. I still haven't figured out whether this is pathetic or just the way things are going.

Her blog yesterday was essentially an account of my weekend from the point of view of her recieving my various phone messages. I commented on it, she replied & then she comments on mine...

I have another friend, Paula. We'll catch up with each other via phone messages if we can't get a hold of each other. I never talk to my step mother on the phone (k... that just may be obvious though) but we'll converse on MSN. If it wasn't for email I would have lost touch with many cousins years ago. Hell, I would never have talked to my dutch friend again if it wasn't for email.... (who I'm seeing next week!)

Is this our new way of catching up? I do know what I write is for the public domain but is personable contact the way of the past? In light of these realizations, I don't think I'm going to fight it. I think it's something that I should totally embrace. Technology is here to help us so let's giv'er.

My new plan is that I'm going to go meet a man on the internet... We'll swap pictures, chat on MSN for a while, have phone sex. (this could go on for years).

Then one special day, he'll propose with a ring he found on Ebay. I'll host a reality show that is ALL about my preparations for the wedding & you the viewer get to vote on which band plays at my wedding. (wednesdays @ 9) Even though I'm a graphic designer, I'll use evite. That way, people can leave witty banter & lewd comments about me wearing white. Guests will buy their tix online & send money in email transfers.

The special day will arrive with a webcast for those who can't make it (i'll pretend they dressed up in to watch in their living rooms) The band would have broken up so I'll use my ipod as a sound system & call it a day.

Thank god there hasn't been a replacement for booze!!!

I've been Trumped.....

To get a good account of my past weekend, one should check out this following March 23 entry from my friend's blog.

http://spaces.msn.com/specialktm/

That from the point of a view of an outsider will sum it up in so many words... There were so many things that happened last weekend that I fail to see where to begin. The humour really only resides in snippets so I care to move on.

I wonder if that would make a good book or at least a chapter in the life of... the whole point of view taken from phone messages... would be interesting especially if they're messages that are left from me.

Today I found out that I have tonsils the size of golf balls which would explain the sore throat since sunday (SEE! that's why i needed soup my dear!)

I think it was worse for me to be walking around Monday night.. But I never watch 24 alone because I need someone near me that I can punch in the arm & yell "SHUT UP!" For those who watch the show, you will know what a dirty little whore Audrey is. But this week I abstained from the regular kits crew & hit Tinseltown to watch it on a big screen at Andy's house.

Up until today, he was residing in the towers above Tinseltown and a for a brief couple of months is going to live w/ my drinking nemesis, Nick.

Anyways, I walk every where I go so monday night I walked through the stadium skytrain station as a short cut. I was asking myself if it was such as a good idea as there were dodgy types flitting about. I would like to think I'm quite menacing in my yoga pants but I'm pretty sure my lip syncing to my ipod would say otherwise.

When I left his house, I thought I'd be all strategic. (i'm am VERY paranoid.. I've been broken into & stalked before so I tend to be a bit careful) So I take out my creditcard, license, birth cert & cell phone from my purse & put them in pockets because my thinking is if I get held up, I'd may be lose my purse & ipod but I at least get to keep the important cards.

So I bolt through the station yet again with random people asking me questions. I also must have a sign above my head that says information. One time, in a jam packed commercial platform, I was reading my book & minding my own business when some daft woman sought me out to ask directions... I just blinked rapidly at her and exclaimed "I'm READING!" (k.. that shocks me but jerking off on your keyboard doesn't.. i have issues)

I really don't understand why I do look approachable. I can safely say that I don't like people for the most part nor do I want to get to know them. I work & live alone & tend to keep to myself in my building.

So why is it one sunny, summer, saturday morning, I'm walking to my office I'm approached by the most peculiar of men. You know how you wake from a dream & you swear it was real... Well have you ever been in reality & could swear it was a dream?

My office used to be located in the Vancouver playhouse building on West 1st & Columbia. I would walk over the cambie bridge, descend the stairs that are about half way, spit out in front of urban beach & then walk down a make shift path that runs along false creek. This pathway is paved so walkers, bikers & roller bladers alike can enjoy it. It is enclosed by a chain link fence but there is over grown shrubbery that helps enclose it. I'm hustling down the winding path at around 10 am. A couple of runners pass me & a family on bikes also speed past. I hear a bell & around the corner comes this bike with nothing else but a clown on it. And we're not talking the big red haired clown either.. we're talking about the hobo clown with the 5 o'clock shadow that looks like he just finished drinking a bottle of jack.. Ya, that guy. He is wheeling towards me.... we then lock eyes & he gives me a half smile. A kind of dirty little grin & then sped off.. I swear I peed my pants. What did I just see.... was that Josh's brother or was that dream!??? (only a select few would get that joke)

But seriously, when I was 7, I had a dream that I was kidnapped by a clown outside of winskill aquatic centre & he looked exactly like the one on the bike.

That segway is starting to look more & more attractive.

Worst Pick-Up... EVER!

Sorry but yesterday's post was a one day event only. I'm waaaaaaay to vain to leave that heinous picture up forever.

And you're right! They're not from this past weekend. The before picture was taken about a month ago & that drunk/I've just finished crying was taken a year ago & Tito's surprise party. The brown hair should have tipped you off. Right now I'm sporting some "slutty, rockstar blonde hair"

Anyways, it has been the week of hook-ups. Special k had an eventful evening. Andy, the ultimate fighting champion (against girls only) had a rockstar sunday.. AND I even met someone. I wouldn't have said it was a rockstar moment as I was running down the street at 4 in the morning in my socks trying to hail a cab but I was pleasantly surprised to find out Saturday that I was NOT wearing beer goggles when he came to return my earrings to me. (That's the problem w/ fleeing... you leave stuff behind)

All these hook-ups kind of remind me of how they even started in the first place. I mean when guys try to use "lines" to meet a girl. Do any of these actually work? Do girls take the bite & are knocked off their feet in love with the not-so-witty banter the gentlemen have tried to create?

Some of my favourites included a stellar moment at the Roxy when approached I hear
"Tall girls like to make out" ...

Perhaps this isn't a good one to lead with because, yes. Yes, we do... tall girls DO like to make out so I guess that one does work

Or perhaps when at doolins a few weeks back a guy walked up to Bryn (he had no idea what was coming) and said "I don't know if you fucking care, but my name's Ian"

Bryn: Really Ian? Has this worked for you at all tonight? let's talk about this.

Me: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
(even better was when Bryn re-told the story Monday & because I was hammered I had forgotten & got to laugh hystericallly all over again)

It was after this (and several beverages) that I decide that I want to use all of the pick-up lines guys have tried to use on me.

For example, cute gent standing at the bar ordering a drink. I walk up behind him & say ... "Hey you totally cut me off!" he looks at me... so I say "yup, i was here first"

So he walked away .. but I swear, he was totally into me.

It just leaves me to ponder whether those so called standards are even used
"What's your sign"
"I'd re-arrange the alphabet to put U & I together"
"Who stole the stars out of the sky & put them in your eyes"

Have these even ever been said? I'm going to totally committ myself this next weekend to using "what's your sign?" And see what happens

There is also internet dating... That's a life of it's own. On one in particular where I keep going back like the bad car accident that it is lets you post your own intro line.

Mine says: What I really want is someone that lives with their parents & will lie to me.


Apparently, I'm quite funny & there are several men over 30 in the lower mainland that live in basement suites... Be afraid ladies.... be afraid.

Other memorable highlights included:

Being punched in the arm as I walked onto the ultimate field by an opposing male player...
I have to say I did notice him after that.

At the roxy again (there is a plethora of bad pick-ups in this bar let me tell you)
"you have nice eyebrows.. I have a sister so I notice these things"

or I love when guys assume the girl is retarded & use something like "I play for the Canucks farm team" or "I play in the WHL". I remember one time in particular at Fred's uptown tavern (oh ya, i'm reaching back) I started asking questions about the WHL because my brother had played for the Red Deer Rebels and well, let's just say he went home alone that night.

Only once has that back-fired on me. Acutally it was a great night. Charlene & I had been at Bar None & a couple of guys were trying to use the aformentioned lines on us when a guy turned around from the bar, double fisted. So I jokingly said: Oh, thanks. He looked at me & said: if you can put this beer back.. you can have it. Down it goes & he bought me another & the rest of my drinks for the night.

So at the end of the evening we went out for a much needed hot dog when a guy says, "hey I'll buy you that hot dog"
Me: I already did.. how about you just give me $3.50
Him: I only have american
Me: ok, $1.75

He was about to walk away when he turns & comments about how bad the exchange was. So we chat & i ask what is he doing in van. Well, he tells me his team, the sharks, were just kicked out of the playoffs.
So I say "I think you're full of shit" He recoiled & said "ok" walked away & got into his limo with an entourage of people.

Me: Or may be you're not

Although, I have to say the creepiest thing that has ever happened was about 4 years ago. I was walking home at lunchtime along Burrard street and some guy walks past me & utters "Hey pretty girl, wanna be in movies?"

WTF? am I nine? So I spin around and say "Sure! where are we filming? In your van!??"

After much reflection, I've decided that if it wasn't for alcohol, I wouldn't know how anyone hooks up. To me, it just sounds like a bunch of people walking around with no game bumping into each other once in a while.

ha ha ha ha

This is what Dave & I were talking about when we said we'd forget conversations we've had in the past.. it's random stuff like this that makes our friendship what it is:


SIDE BAR: we both have the HOFF as seen below as our st paddy's day pics


Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (1:57:15 PM)
ok.. what's a good thing to do on a first date type thing

happy patty's says: (1:57:32 PM)
drink til you look like a tard?

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (1:57:35 PM)
yeshttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.bold.gif

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (1:57:38 PM)
awesome

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (1:57:52 PM)
why don't i just not brush my hair & fall down right away instead

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (1:58:03 PM)
say something really embaressing & go home

happy patty's says: (1:58:31 PM)
but then you don't get free drinks out of it

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (1:58:38 PM)
i'm high on life

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (1:59:00 PM)
and w/ the hoff by my side I can do ANYTHING

happy patty's says: (1:59:13 PM)
hahaha

happy patty's says: (1:59:17 PM)
OMG

happy patty's says: (1:59:28 PM)
that's amazing

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:00:06 PM)
what? is that your new motto now?

happy patty's says: (2:00:31 PM)
it might be


Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:00:35 PM)
staring contest.. you-me-go

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:00:38 PM)
first hoff to blink loses

happy patty's says: (2:00:41 PM)
it's going on the pillow next to his face

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:00:50 PM)
lmao

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:01:06 PM)
i'm crying

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:01:45 PM)
you push elaine out of bed if she lies on his face

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:01:50 PM)
YOU"RE ON THE HOFF

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:01:54 PM)
get out!!

i'm high on life and w/ the hoff by my side I can do ANYT says: (2:02:04 PM)
LOL

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:02:08 PM)
shit.

i'm high on life and w/ the hoff by my side I can do ANYT says: (2:02:09 PM)
hahaha

i'm high on life and w/ the hoff by my side I can do ANYTHING says: (2:02:36 PM)
amazing

i'm high on life and w/ the hoff by my side I can do ANYTHING says: (2:02:43 PM)
just amazing

i'm high on life and w/ the hoff by my side I can do ANYTHING says: (2:02:51 PM)
i'm gonna die

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:02:59 PM)
this made my day

i'm high on life and w/ the hoff by my side I can do ANYTHING says: (2:03:42 PM)
i might hurl from laughter

i'm high on life and w/ the hoff by my side I can do ANYTHING says: (2:04:07 PM)
i was picturing elaine falling to the floor while i embrace the pillow

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:04:13 PM)
yes

Leanne-Happy St. Patty's Day says: (2:04:19 PM)
i can't type as I can't see

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Have I mentioned that I have a absurd obsession for The Hoff? Ya, hot.

Check this site out....

This floored me....

I just had an MSN conversation with my friend (the names have been changed to protect the perverted) but it involves one un-witting woman & several players of an NHL team that we'll just say is "on-fire".

Jammer says:
Funniest story ever. I just went for lunch with karen and she was telling me
about her cousins story. Her cousin Cheryl (39, seperated, 2 kids, but
apparently quite hot) was at the new Metropolitan last week.

These 3 guys call her over and she talks to them for a bit and goes back to her friends. Her friends were like those were "NHL team" players you were talking to (she had no idea).

She went back to talk to them and asked them and they said no, we don't
play any winter sports (that's funny in itself). Anyways she was with Rockstar, Perv (our new back-up goalie), and another player. Her and Rockstar hit it off so they all go back to his place.

They drop off one of the guys on the 2nd floor and her and Rockstar and Perv go up to their apartment they share. Perv says good night and her and Rockstar go to his room and start having the sex. Half way through he flips her over on her back and she's like what the f&ck?

Perv is standing in the room watching them and she turns her head
and there is another guy (a different one) in the room sitting in a chair
watching them. The door was closed when they started but they must have snuck
in afterwards. She freaks out and Rockstar's like "oh come on guys."

He asks her if it was good for her and she says no I didn't orgasm. She walks out of the living room calls them all a bunch of freaks and walks out. How funny is that!

Oh and then he asked for her phone number and she just told him no

Leanne-Working Hard? or hardly working? says:
I wonder if the other guys thought they'd get in on it.

Jammer says:
I know that's why. I'm sure it's happened before where the chick was like join us or probably did them later. I'm sure it wasn't the first time

Leanne-Working Hard? or hardly working? says:
ewwwwwwwwww.... note to self: no NHL players

Jammer says: 
no kidding. I looked him up and Perv is married with two kids. We need to stay away from all of them.

Leanne-Working Hard? or hardly working? says:
no shit.... pretty much stay away from any pro sports guy.

Jammer says: 
yupper. K starting now!


That my friends, would make me blink....


And so it goes....

I am not a whore. (k, I'll just wait til you finish laughing... thanks)

Fine. Let's say I'm not a whore compared to some people. May be we just haven't met them yet. But in all seriousness, in this past year, the fort has been in lock down mode & nothing has been able to penetrate the fort (excuse the pun).

Anyways, this next tidbit doesn't hold much clout. Last saturday night, when I'm standing with a friend on the corner of Granville & Helmcken a guy walks by & makes eye contact with me. After a few beers I love to talk to anyone that looks at me so I exclaim whilst holding out my finger "I know you!" I could recognize him. I just couldn't place from where.

His response "Ya, you got with me"

Sweet.

Let's chalk up yet another stellar moment in the Life of Lea.

I yet again did not blink but rather burst out laughing because his response did jog my memory. So if by "get" he means "kiss" & by "me" he means "a passed out drunk girl" ... THEN SURE! I got with you. I personally wouldn't have carved a notch on my belt for that conquest but if you all got a gander at this gent, you'd see he took what he could get.

I think in my previous post I covered my inaugural pub crawl. Unfortunately, I did more then fall down a flight of stairs. I became hooked on them and started to work as a bus captain on these puppies.

This pub crawl in question was a halloween one & I was dressed up as a fairy.. VERY CUTE... was actually my 2nd year as one. I wore my black ballet leotard, a black tutu, silver wings, put my hair up in two buns on my head & carried a wand that I fashioned out of a styrofoam ball & pipe cleaners. I called myself "the black fairy of death" to sound more menacing. (although, as Stine pointed out I am a princess so there was a certain element of cuteness that was factored in)

Anyways, before the last stop of the tour. My purse went missing which contained my keys, & wallet... I did the only thing a really drunk girl could do... cry.

Someone walked me to the phone & looked up the number to visa for me, dialed the number and held the phone to my ear while I cancelled the card. The problem here now lies in that I can't get home, as i have no money, can't get money as i have no bank card & no one on the crawl lived near me.

That's when Dr. Love steps in (if you haven't figured it out, he was dressed as a doctor) He too was working the pub crawl but was only here for the weekend & was staying at the holiday inn on Broadway and could drop me off on his way to the ferries the next day.

So we headed back to the hotel & yes, we did start the make out on the bed. I believe I completely passed out in the middle of it. All in all, if I pass out in the middle of a make-out, my guess is that you aren't too good & I probably shouldn't remember you.

The one night stand that didn't go away.

Have you ever gone on a bad date & thought Oh Man! why'd I agree to this? or I can tell you why you're single.... Ever think it's you?

Yes, it's true. Sometimes in your life, you're not "on". In fact you could be way off. May be you got drunk before a "sober" date. May be you got car sick & threw up on him when he helped you out of the car.... may be.. just may be you fell down a flight of stairs on your face?

Ya, I have to say the latter is what happened to me. My out-clause on this event however, is that it wasn't a date. I don't know if that makes it worse or better. You be the judge.

Many, many, many, many, many moons ago at the ripe age of 21 (so last year.. ha!), I went on the Bust Loose St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl. Ever been on one of these? A couple of hundred people meet up (generally it started at Wild Coyote), then you all pile onto school busses & you go from bar to bar to bar. It starts at 2 in the afternoon & ends a little after 8. By this time, everyone is so drunk & obnoxious that the unspeakable generally happens but thank god you were so drunk you'll never remember.

This was my first crawl and I was doing ok. I paced myself at one drink per bar which lasted for all of 1 bar. (My problem was back then I used to work at Cheers & worked every saturday night. So this was one of the rare times that I got to go out. So when I went out... I went out!!!!) I had a blast. I finally found a group of people that drank at my pace & were as mental as I was... or so I thought. My friend at the time, Sandra, had been dating this guy Mo and he was a bust loose rep & was friends with many of the others.

Anyways, the night progessed and so did my buzz. Sandra & Mo abandonned me in the bar to go home & consumate thier beer buzz no doubt. So I was left with his friend we will name Ice. Because I lived all the way out in New Westminster and we were in gastown (Hey! I've been slumming too ppl) Ice said I could crash at his place. So we decided to leave.

Have I mentioned how naïve I used to be? That I had only been in long term relationships & actually never really had "partied" before? Ya, so I really had no idea what "sure, you could crash at my place" meant. I thought this guy that I had just met was being super nice to me because I was a friend of Mo's gf... (ya, i'm an idiot)

He mentioned in the cab ride that he had some left over Penné in the fridge we could heat it up & watch sat night live.... Hey! sounds good. I could use some drunk food.

So we get back to his place on cambie and 20th. For those who don't know the area. It's a pretty residential area. A lot of homes are 3 storey with a basement that is generally rented out. Ice and his two roomates, had the entire run of the house and because he was the only male he got to claim the basement area as his own. So after re-heating some food and getting my glass of milk (I swear that is the best thing for your stomache), Ice leads us downstairs. As he goes through the hallway, he turns off the lights which makes it difficult for me to see.

He tells me to hold on until he turned the lights on at the bottom. Not a big help. The stairwell was still dark & did I mention I have been pounding drinks since 2pm? Ya, so much for balance. I bail on the second step. I headed face first down the stairs, hitting my head on every step landing in a crumpled pile at the bottom. The plate of penné had gone flying all over, the walls, the carpet, my clothes and apparently had landed in his ear too. The glass of milk, which Ice carefully put in a non-breakalble glass, broke in half as I landed directly on it with my stomache. I have yet to figure out how all of the milk got into my hair.

Ice, completely astounded, just stood there, & uttered "Are you ok"

Me "mm... not so much"
Ice: did you need to shower?

I at this point still don't know what happened to me & went to the bathroom to assess the damage. Not only do I have pasta all over my pants but I have blood on my shirt from my nose, milk in my hair & rug burn on my face.. REALLY HOT!!! So we decide... ya, it's time to clean up.

He leads me back up the death stairs, started the shower & I passed him my clothes to launder while I cleaned up.

HOLY CRAP, it was hot! I knock the shower head out of my way to adjust the temperature & resumed the bathing... As I was washing my hair I could see a couple of fingers curl around the curtain and Ice peeking around the sheet..

"What the hell are you doing?" I scream

"What the hell are you doing? My bathroom and basement is flooded!"

So apparently when I knocked the the shower head out of my way, I failed to push it against the bath wall as most people would do but instead I pushed it out over the bathroom floor which creates some nice flooding.

Not to mention that I also had no balance.

While Ice was downstairs putting my clothes in the washer he could hear me clonking all over the place & then was the water trickling through the ceiling.

He thought I had died. He thought I had gotten a concussion & that there was a bloated carcass in his tub & was peeking around the curtain to ensure that yes, I was ok.

I just thought he was a pervert.

The next day, we got hold of Sandra & Mark and we were going to go meet up for breakfast. Thank God! I needed a change of clothes as the blood didn't come out of my shirt. I also needed a hairbrush as sleeping on uncombed wet hair can make for some interesting dreadlocks.

You can imagine the horror that fell over me when I walked into the restaurant to only see a long table of about 15 of his friends sitting there, no Sandra in sight. The table fell silent as I walked to the far end to take my seat. We I had to re-count the night's previous events to the group to uproarious laughter (is that a word?)

Apparently, as I walked out of that restaurant, one of the people exclaimed "Well, we'll never see her again!"

Those are Nic's famous last words as nine years later, I've become friends with everyone at that table.

Just goes to show you... absolutely nothing. I just like that story.

to recap

I maaaaaay have been a little crabby this morning. Nothing that a couple of valiums hasn't cured... More tomorrow!

Who Likes Mondays?

Wow... I believe I'm entering a whole new level of crabbiness that not even I could imagine I'd enter. I would love to say that I don't know what it is, that it's Mondays or that I have PMS. But I ain't gonna lie... it's boys.

SIDE BAR: I remember when I used to say the word ain't when I was 7 and my mother would always try & correct me by saying "ain't" isn't a word. You know what? YA it is! I've said it, you've said it... Hicks in trailer parks all over the world say it. Ain't IS A WORD. It's just not an accepted word. I just find that peculiar about the English language. Bootylicious is in the Oxford dictionary but I'm not allowed to utter the word ain't as it implies that I am uneducated...


BACK TO ANGRY: Anyways... Boys are dumb. I say this with about 3 grains of salt because before I go on and rant about the opposite sex I would like to lay out some definitions.

A Man, in this case, is a male that is mature, can treat a female like a lady, can commit, does not lie, does not feed you lines & lines of BS just to get whatever they selfishly want. Essentially a man in this scenario is someone who thinks of not just themselves.


Therefore for arguments sake, a boy is a loser. A boy is a selfish, lying, pain in the ass, I'm going to give you the run around, I can't make a decision, I need to hang onto "the boys" as long as possible, fuck responsibility, I'm gonna get drunk & spend all my money on crap, oh a chick w/ tits walked by may be I should stare & make stupid comments, I don't feel like picking up the phone to return calls, I'm with you til something better comes along kind of guy.

Do we know anyone like this? ... SURE WE DO! So you males can fall into one of two categories... AND just cuz I have an ounce of understanding, I will say that the 2 categories can overlap somewhat BUT I'm in a no bullshit kinda mood so today, so you're either in 1 of 2 categories... you decide.

If you want to go out with me & we pick a day... stick to it... Do you want to see me or don't you? Are you into me or aren't you? You know what? It really is that simple. Don't leave it hanging and then without warning say: Hey! I'm nearby...

Oh! I'm sorry, did you snap your fingers & I have to come running? Bah. Don't beg to see me & then once we set a day, you become wishy washy... "What? Are you waiting to see if something better comes along?" Crap I tell you.

I also love this one. This has happened to my friends lately... The guy disappears for months & pops up one day to say that he loves her & she means the world to him & then falls off the face of the earth again... WTF is that? I'm gonna put it in the Bullshit category What are we to take from that? You show up out of nowhere & tell us you love us & then have no follow through? You know what we need... A MAN. Not a boy. A boy does that... runs up to the girl he likes, punches her & runs away. That's essentially what you're doing... AND WE'RE TIRED OF IT! I challenge you to be a man.
Get some balls & call us back then we'll talk. I also love that you get upset when we move on. You know what boys, you need to do nice things for us more often then once a year... Yes, it's actually true. You gotta bring something to the table. My favourite is when you keep bringing it up... "Remember, I took you out to dinner in May??" HEY BUDDY.. remember when I do everything EVERY DAY!!!!

Saturday night, a guy I have no idea who gave Andy, a friend of mine, his card to pass to me. Lame. If you don't have enough courage to talk to me in the first place, what makes you think we'll hook up?


WHATEVER...

It's Me, Isn't it?

This is me






I'm happy. I'm fun. I don't hurt small animals. So you tell me. I'm putting this question out there to the masses (ok, so it's just Kristin & Elaine but none the less) Do I have a sign on me somewhere that says "Say whatever the Fuck Comes to Your Mind!"


May be I don't blink enough... When people say shocking things the listener is taken aback & blinks rapidly. As I'm typing this my eyes are working at a furious rate. So much so that I'm worried that I'm making typos.

Or is it the fact that I don't get offended easily. Pure & simple. I also make the mistake of informing people of this and they feel the need to take that on as a chalenge. However the things that have been said to me do not come from fellows that know this tidbit. nooooooo this is a whole new breed of weirdos.

Case in point. Last night I see someone I will call Kyle sign onto MSN.

Let me give you some background on him. I met him online (there is a running theme here) But I hadn't been onto Lava in quite sometime & thought I would just check it out. This guy starts talking to me without a picture & I thought ok buddy.. you say you're hot.. You ALL say you're hot. Turns out, Yes.... hot! So much so that I wanted to go over to his house & nibble on his toight toushie.

So we've chatted on & off for a bit. He travels a lot for work & he said that when he comes back into town we should hook up for a movie & a drink. We agreed on a day & it happened to be Valentine's Day. I didn't plan it to be that night because of valentine's day but Tuesday is a free night for me. I find out he has hockey that night & he was supposed to call me afterwards which he never did.... I GOT STOOD UP. It was weird because I kept saying "let's do this another night" so I wasn't to sure if the boy was going to listen to me.

Still not happy regardless. A couple of weeks later I see him online & we chat again. His excuse was that he put the wrong phone number into his phone & couldn't reach me. Ya, you've felt so bad about everything that you've really tried to get hold of me since then eh? Anyways, I brushed it off as water under the bridge & we've chatted a couple of time since then again.

So last night, I see him online and I opened with:

"So how's the island?" ... You know breezy, casual, whatever
He responds with:

"Hey Leanne, (I really hate that I can't remember his name).. to be honest, I'm pretty tired so I'm just going to surf for some porn, jerk off and go to bed."

Me: At least you're honest.

WHAT is that! help me out here people. Who says things to someone they don't know. Obviously he doesn't feel the need to impress me any longer. Now I know that guys masturbate & they do love their porn. But you know it's something I never want to know WHEN it happens. It's just out there as part of an understanding between the sexes. I'm not being a prude here. I'm just saying that MAY BE it shouldn't just pop up in casual conversation.

"How was your day?"
"Oh, I'm pretty tired. I was jerking off all afternoon & I think I hurt my wrist"

You know? it just doesn't sound hot.

So I'm split.. he either wants to repel me w/ a statement like that or he was hoping I'd say "Oh, I can help you with that" Either way, I will never touch his keyboard.

Another thing that concerns me. Is this what is edited? Is this what they think is appropriate to say to me & they didn't want to say what they were ACTUALLY thinking?

Have I told you about my favourite cop? Ya, this one is special. I believe he works with kids.

So the night I met my dutch boyfriend at Crush. I had actually been running away from this guy who propositioned me in the most interesting way.

He knew my friend Vanessa which is how I met him. I never really talked to him all evening & then finally he asks me if he could buy me a drink..... SURE.. I LOVE FREE BOOZE! So we go to the bar where he asks me: do you like casual sex? Ok so it's out there bla. I give some tribe about how I used to have a booty call & am .. where I'm cut off. "No, I mean do you like being bent over or thrown up against the wall?"

Did I mention I knew him for 5 minutes?

Ya, someone take down my sign I need a break.

The Blind date: What Your Friend Didn't Tell You.

I was just recently asked out (Everyone, Alert the Media) and I'm not too overly excited about the whole thing. I don't know if it is because I hardly know him, or if I'm not that attracted to him but there is something in the back of my head that is screaming: NO.

We should all listen to that voice. It knows what it is talking about. There has been many a time when I've agreed to go out on a date and that voice was not only screaming but dropping anchors, blowing up passage ways, hell threatening to kill itself to try & prevent me from going out with said fellow. The problem then as it is now, I think: Oh, what the hell. What's the worst that could happen?

I haven't really been able to pin point why I don't want to go out w/ the new guy. I think a lot of it is because he comes across as being very forward and over-eager. That to me doesn't seem sincere as he doesn't know me & has no idea what he is in for. But he does like to carry on somewhat about the way I look & I think that is what turns me off. I mean we all like compliments. But buddy, get over it. This just reminds me of the time that I was set up by a friend in what could be constituted as the worst set up in history.

My friend, Anne, was living with her boyfriend, Bruce who had a co-worker that she was dying for me to meet.

She would say things like:
"Oh, you'll love Grandy"
"He has such a great sense of Humour. You guys will totally get along"
"He is HILARIOUS!"

This actually carried on for a couple of months. I'm really big on things being "natural" meaning I hate the set up. You feel like a retard. You meet the person & everyone looks at you with bug eyes wondering if you approve of what they've presented for you. And generally, you don't. You wonder what your friends think of you that they think THIS is what is a good match for you.

So if I was out with Anne for drinks we'd try & drop a call to Grandy stating where we were or vice versa but for a good 2 months there were conflicting schedules. I really wish for everyone's benefit that it stayed that way.

Right after Valentines Day & a gruelling day at work, I came home & as per usual change in to my pjamas & curled up on the couch with my cat for an evening in as it was raining that evening as it does in February in Vancouver.

The phone rings, it's Anne.

"Hey! What are you doing? We're down at Lennox for a couple of drinks. You should come down. Grandy's here."

"Grandy's there? But I'm in my pjamas."

"Ya, Bruce & Grandy had a great day at work and they're celebrating"

It's probably here I should mention that they worked as stocke promoters and a great day at work means that they were able to cash in & make a good deal of money and that their day ended at 2 while it is roughly 6:30 at this point.

"Well, I have to get changed... How long are you guys going to be there?"

"We'll be here for a while.. just get down here"

So I reluctantly agreed and realized that here is the guy that Anne has been trying to set me up with for months... I have to look good! I can't JUST show up. So I hurry to the bathroom & start in on my makeup & hair when not 10 minutes go by and the phone rings again.

"Where are you?" It's Anne. I forget they are working on drunk time which expedites everything by 300%. "I'm getting ready"

"Well, we're leaving. We have to walk Casino."
"But it's been only 10 minutes!"
"Ya, but we're going to meet again at Yaletown Brew Pub at 7"

Great, this buys me some time & can make sure I have the perfect hair. Hair is very big for me. I've always wanted hair that went half way down my back. I think it would be the highest honour to be in one of those shampoo commercials & I wave my head all around while others look on with envy & swoon.

So I make it down to the Pub.. Walk in look around & don't see them. As I make my way over to the pay phone (I was the last friend to get a cell phone. I felt I didn't need one) Two drunk guys at the bar lear at me & tried to talk to them but I completely ignored them. They were creepy.

I phone Anne & find out that she'll be still a few minutes so I decide to walk back to the front & wait for them at the hostess stand. I don't want to give the creepy guys the invitation to talk to me. As I'm standing there waiting. Creepy guy number one walks up puts his arm around & says into his cell phone "Oh, We'll take care of her" Oh Help me God.. This is Grandy.

NOW... Did I ever mention how Anne described him vs what he was like in Reality?

30ish was 37 & balding
Funny was Loud & Drunk
He did play Hockey but I think to have an excuse to have beer.


Oh my God this was the guy... I was horrified. He pulls on me... "We're getting out of here he says" and takes me across the street to Cirrcolo. Now it's a really nice restaurant but I'm in jeans & this peasant top while he's in a suit. We walk in & I swear we got the nods from around the restaurant like they "know" what's going on... meaning it looked like he was the dirty old married guy & I was his young mistress... So bad.

I was trying to be a good sport as this was Bruce's friend.
Walking across the street. Grandy comments "Wow, you're hot"
"Thanks"
"Like you're really hot... What do you do besides, Looking Hot?"

"??????"

"Ya, were you a cheerleader?"
"Actually, yes, I was & I..."
"you're hot"

and it went on and on and on and on and on and on and on....

HOLY CRAP dude, have you never met a girl before? I was out with the 37 year old Virgin it was so pathetic.

Anyways, we ordered a bottle of wine. Like he needed more though. And the hot comments slowly transgressed into him making growling faces at me as though he was a Lion attempting to bit me. Quite the scene, I grabbed his cell phone & made a mad phone call to Anne.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" I ask.
"What do you mean"
"He's hammered!"
"He wasn's so bad when I was with him"
"Ya, well, somewhere between you leaving him & me meeting him, he went over the edge... GET DOWN HERE NOW!"

Anne's plan was to never come back but leave us alone.. very sneaky on her part i must say but I was about 5 minutes away from chewing off my own arm.

So Anne sent for re-inforcements. Duke showed up and shortly after him, Anne appeared...

"OH MY GOD! He's hammered"
Yes, Anne. Grandy is not just drunk but he can't form words any more. I love that I had a glass of wine from the bottle but it's now empty.

I was really missing my pjamas at this point & wanted to go home.. We decide we'll change venues... Easier said then done.

Because I'm talking to Anne, I'm neglecting Grandy and he decides that the growl isn't working any longer so he proceeds to bend over & bite my hand which makes me yelp.

OK That's it.. we're outta here. Grandy's into leaving too except he doesn't realize that he needs to pay.. He thinks we can leave... After searching through his pockets for his wallet, we tell him that he needs to pay. So every man that walks by in a suit, Grandy tries to hand the bill too.

No, that's not the Maitre'd. After about 15 minutes. We just grabbed the money out of the wallet, left the bill on the bar & left. Anne, Duke & I ditched Grandy at Opus. The last we saw he was trying to talk to one of the guys he tried handing the bill to.

I have not been back there. It's been a couple of years now but I think it would be just a bad memory. I know that Grandy is embarressed about what happened.. You think? and since then, I have not let one friend set me up again. I don't want to know what my friends would think would be a good match for me anymore.

Why are you trying to hurt Baby Jesus!!!

K.. I mentioned I would update you on some of my dating excursions...
Here is a brief example of why I haven't met that special someone.

I met this guy online who happens to live on the island. Well, I am not really that interested in meeting someone who doesn't live w/ in a 20 minute driving distance. What is the point? But this guy wouldn't ever really leave me alone.. here are some of the emails that were exchanged back & forth

HIM:

hi there. sorry i dont live closer to you. There is much confusion today in understanding the meaning of love. Love and lust have been greatly misunderstood. Lust has been largely substituted for love, especially in relationships between the sexes. Any dictionary would define lust as "an intense longing, desire, or need," "a personal inclination." While this definition is true, it is not by any means complete. The fact is: Lust is predicated on a selfish desire to have and, with regard to the sexes, exhibits an intense physical desire. Lust is an integral part of human nature. "This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh" (Gal. 5:16).

ME:

k.. you freak me out.


HIM:
hey. well anyways. howdo i freak you out. ? your making tihngs un anapproachable by saying that you wouldnt wantto be friends. is that a problem? here i am trying to help you out amd your saying that im freaking you out? mmm . well you cant say then it has to do with geographics if i already travel to van anyways to vcisit family once a week. so that leads me to believe that its iethert you dont find me attractive or your looking to jump into somthing.right away. friends first my dear. i mean dont you find messenger and stuff to be just a little impersonal? anyways. tty

ME:

CUZ I've told you time & time again I'm not interested it all .. I was trying to be polite at first & then have had to block you from both MSN & POF & then you send me your insights on love & lust..
Where do you get off? I've blatently asked you to leave me alone & yet I keep getting emails..
You come off as desperate, lonely & weird.. that's why you freak me out.

HIM:

ok fine ill leave you alone then . i just have to laugh because if your not actually a christian then you should of said non religious on your profile. but if im wrong dont be a christian when its convienient for you do be one. im sure that jesus doesnt want iether of us putting pof ahead of reading his word. now shall have no other gods before me. pof would be classified as a god to me. who do you have your eyes on anyways? just remember
Jesus loves you unconditionally. unlike the majority of the guys on pof who dont give a crap about you. i happen to come across as someone who cares and you give me the cold shoulder. anyways good luck on your fishing adventures. i wont erase you from messenger quite yet but i will leave you alone if thats what you wish for. have a nice evening


ME:

Y-O-U-'- R-E is You Are. YOUR is YOUR.

It's been a while....

It's been a while since a post but I've been doing some research... I found a better job then digging holes.. BREAKING STUFF.. Yesterday on my walk over the cambie bridge (I do it almost every day.. not today b/c of the torrential rains) I saw a dude picking up giant blocks of concrete, dropping it on other blocks & breaking it in to tiny pieces (he is of course using giant machinery to do this)


This may all sound pretty random to you but there was something very attractive about doing mind numbing work... There is something cathartic in the practice of doing tedium. I've done tedium. I've edited the white pages. Actually that was job detention. It's where you go when you've been bad on past jobs. You then get the joy of having to move lines of type around on a page to insert gov't listings with a program that crashes each time you paste. Do that for a couple of months & come speak to me about boring jobs... Thank god I had Good Talk radio back then to listen too.

I have also been very excited in the prospect of planning my European Vacation. I am going away for 3 weeks with my best friend Sam. This should be one for the history books kiddies. I fly into London, hop directly over to Amsterdam from there we boot down to Valencia a week later fly from Barcelona to Milan, spend Easter in Rome & I spend the last few days of my trip out in London. I have never been to Europe and have wanted to go for a majority of my life.

My brother is 7 years older then me & had the opportunity to go backpacking through Europe not once BUT twice!!!! a-hole. So since I've been 9, I too have wanted to go through Europe. Now I think my vacation as a 30 yr old un-chaparoned will be quite a different experience then that of a 16 yr old but there is something to be said for having Daddy pay for the trip don't ya think?

Anyways, my top 2 countries have been Spain & Italy. Spain becuase I completely fell in love w/ Goudy's work in the Art Nouveau period & I can go see it in person. Italy because it is so old & rich w/ culture & people and gives off such a romantic aura. (sounds corny) BUT YEA!!!!! 3 weeks for me!!

I booked all my intercountry flights on friday & finally stopped clapping today.

What's the point...

You know, I've been in a pretty upbeat mood as of lately. I've tried to put on a happy face about stuff & look on the bright side of things. I had a decent job, a good apartment that I don't have to move from and even a trip to Europe to look forward too.

Well, you know what everything is a state of mind. I've come to the conclusion that there is no point in being neither happy nor upset about things because either way people are going to come along & change your perception of things anyways.. And just when you're happy or secure someone wants to come along and shit all over it. For no reason except for the fact that they are are jealous of your happiness. As though there is a little bit to go around & we can't share with each other. I thought as adults we were supposed to grow up. Instead we revert back to acting as though we are five. My toy fell apart so I'm going to destroy yours as well.

I guess it comes down to owning your own feelings and emotions & not letting anyone else dictate your mood.. HA! that's easier said then done. I find that you can own your own feelings as long as you don't invest any of yours to others.. As soon as you care for someone or as soon as you like someone else you lend a little of yourself out & you trust that they will cherish you & appreciate your emotion & love. However, not enough of us do share & care back. Instead we treat others like a game to pump up our own insecurities or use for our own selfish needs.... You have to be so careful who it is that you let into your little world.. The problem in order to get to any of the good you have to filter to through the bad.... i just don't know if I could do it anymore.. I'm tired. I'm beat and have no more to give.... you win.

I'm sick of the lies.... leave me alone; you serve no purpose.