Big Fish..... Little Pond

Let's say you're not me .... horrible thought as I'm so fun & entertaining... But let's say you're not me.... In fact you're REALLY not me... Perhaps you're married... may be even have kids.. Hell, let's say they're old enough to be in school. September is approaching and nothing is more nerve wracking then the first day of school (I mean for the kids... Mom's let go of your babies.. don't let them grow up to be cowboys .. sorry had to) So you escort your young'in to their first day & you walk into Kindergarden to find this......................

That's right you're child's teacher is none other then the co-host to the Mr Muscle/Bikini Contest!!!!! so awesome. Let me break this down for you a bit... This woman used to compete in this contest annually but then retired to help co-host every year.. AND BOY DOES SHE... yes, she has her swimsuits custom made each year & loves to keep with in a theme.. this year was blinding light as the sun shone off her many sequins but the silver was a nice offset to the gold paint she lathered across her body (you may or may not see that in the photo) I will be the first to admit that the picture of her "natural" hair (she claims) braided does acutally look good... In fact, these pictures did do her justice... It's just such a contrast to EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD.

The Mr. Muscle/Bikini contest takes place in a place near & dear to my heart: The Beach Beer Garden and the judges are comprised of local bar owners & what not.... Everyone is casual... everyone is whatever... She steps out & is BLING BLING... It just seems REALLY odd to me.

I would have other pictures from the weekend but as Stine pointed out to me "you'll get them when I f*ckn feel like posting them"... Ok..... I guess some of us have more work to do then others (I do but am able to proscrastinate better).

The beer garden was ok... I mean I generally like to go to places where I know a handful of people. The beer was eh.. (COORS LIGHT??????) and there were creepy men everywhere.

For example, I was walking around in my bikini top & jean skirt (it was hot) So needless to say, I'm showing some skin & for those who don't know I have a raspberry birthmark on my left side (Mark of the Devil, I should have been burned at birth! I guess I am evil after all) So I'm standing with Shaloa, hanging out when I feel something cold on my back & turn around thinking oh, is this someone I know........ NO.. Some creepy over 50 year old is rubbing a piece of ice to my back. I don't yelp (which I find odd) so I ask "What are you doing" to which he replies "What'd you do to your back..."

Now in person, whenever I simulate a conversation, I always make the other person sound like a creepy trucker which pretty much turns most men off. Except he REALLY did sound like that.

So I say "K.... please, stop that"

He shrugs his shoulders & plops the ice back into his beverage & takes a sip.... um. EW! I can't remember who said that he got to drink a little bit of Leanne Juice eh?

Hold on.

Yup, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Unfortunate for me, I kept seeing him & he'd ask me such things as "Why don't you take your hair down....." Thank God Shaloa stepped up her browsing skills & would divert us from such a confrontation again.

Deciding that this beer garden is plagued with drunk creepy men (one of the judges looked me up & down & asked why wasn't I in the contest as he would have voted for me) we took off not before hearing ONE more AC/DC song from the band which I think should be aptly titled: Mullets & Mayhem: We Know No Song After 1979.

This band is comprised of some older gents that probably have been doing this event every year.. and probably ONLY do this event. Bordering on being a tribute band for AC/DC they changed up the song play with a little Trooper only to be followed by a little CCR.
I have to admit... LOVED the drummer's pulled up white socks to his knee... H-O-T.

The live entertainment was only eclipsed by some dude walking around emulating "Girls Gone Wild" & filming two chicks getting it on in broad daylight. I would have thought more of it, but then thier "friend", a man in a sequin thong who loved to wag it, sat down with them & so I didn't want to watch anymore (k, that needs re-phrasing.. I wasn't watching the chicks get it on but you can't help but stare when one girl throws up her top & her friend indulges on a good breast feeding simulation. The sequin thong man was too much for everyone)

I thank Shaloa for indulging me on the visit to the garden. It was a good laugh... for her, the novelty of the thing wore off many moons ago.. BUT as mentioned many many many many times before, you can never go wrong with a beer garden on the beach. It's no fountain beer garden as witnessed at Wish Cup but what is??