Worst Pick-Up... EVER!

Sorry but yesterday's post was a one day event only. I'm waaaaaaay to vain to leave that heinous picture up forever.

And you're right! They're not from this past weekend. The before picture was taken about a month ago & that drunk/I've just finished crying was taken a year ago & Tito's surprise party. The brown hair should have tipped you off. Right now I'm sporting some "slutty, rockstar blonde hair"

Anyways, it has been the week of hook-ups. Special k had an eventful evening. Andy, the ultimate fighting champion (against girls only) had a rockstar sunday.. AND I even met someone. I wouldn't have said it was a rockstar moment as I was running down the street at 4 in the morning in my socks trying to hail a cab but I was pleasantly surprised to find out Saturday that I was NOT wearing beer goggles when he came to return my earrings to me. (That's the problem w/ fleeing... you leave stuff behind)

All these hook-ups kind of remind me of how they even started in the first place. I mean when guys try to use "lines" to meet a girl. Do any of these actually work? Do girls take the bite & are knocked off their feet in love with the not-so-witty banter the gentlemen have tried to create?

Some of my favourites included a stellar moment at the Roxy when approached I hear
"Tall girls like to make out" ...

Perhaps this isn't a good one to lead with because, yes. Yes, we do... tall girls DO like to make out so I guess that one does work

Or perhaps when at doolins a few weeks back a guy walked up to Bryn (he had no idea what was coming) and said "I don't know if you fucking care, but my name's Ian"

Bryn: Really Ian? Has this worked for you at all tonight? let's talk about this.

Me: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
(even better was when Bryn re-told the story Monday & because I was hammered I had forgotten & got to laugh hystericallly all over again)

It was after this (and several beverages) that I decide that I want to use all of the pick-up lines guys have tried to use on me.

For example, cute gent standing at the bar ordering a drink. I walk up behind him & say ... "Hey you totally cut me off!" he looks at me... so I say "yup, i was here first"

So he walked away .. but I swear, he was totally into me.

It just leaves me to ponder whether those so called standards are even used
"What's your sign"
"I'd re-arrange the alphabet to put U & I together"
"Who stole the stars out of the sky & put them in your eyes"

Have these even ever been said? I'm going to totally committ myself this next weekend to using "what's your sign?" And see what happens

There is also internet dating... That's a life of it's own. On one in particular where I keep going back like the bad car accident that it is lets you post your own intro line.

Mine says: What I really want is someone that lives with their parents & will lie to me.


Apparently, I'm quite funny & there are several men over 30 in the lower mainland that live in basement suites... Be afraid ladies.... be afraid.

Other memorable highlights included:

Being punched in the arm as I walked onto the ultimate field by an opposing male player...
I have to say I did notice him after that.

At the roxy again (there is a plethora of bad pick-ups in this bar let me tell you)
"you have nice eyebrows.. I have a sister so I notice these things"

or I love when guys assume the girl is retarded & use something like "I play for the Canucks farm team" or "I play in the WHL". I remember one time in particular at Fred's uptown tavern (oh ya, i'm reaching back) I started asking questions about the WHL because my brother had played for the Red Deer Rebels and well, let's just say he went home alone that night.

Only once has that back-fired on me. Acutally it was a great night. Charlene & I had been at Bar None & a couple of guys were trying to use the aformentioned lines on us when a guy turned around from the bar, double fisted. So I jokingly said: Oh, thanks. He looked at me & said: if you can put this beer back.. you can have it. Down it goes & he bought me another & the rest of my drinks for the night.

So at the end of the evening we went out for a much needed hot dog when a guy says, "hey I'll buy you that hot dog"
Me: I already did.. how about you just give me $3.50
Him: I only have american
Me: ok, $1.75

He was about to walk away when he turns & comments about how bad the exchange was. So we chat & i ask what is he doing in van. Well, he tells me his team, the sharks, were just kicked out of the playoffs.
So I say "I think you're full of shit" He recoiled & said "ok" walked away & got into his limo with an entourage of people.

Me: Or may be you're not

Although, I have to say the creepiest thing that has ever happened was about 4 years ago. I was walking home at lunchtime along Burrard street and some guy walks past me & utters "Hey pretty girl, wanna be in movies?"

WTF? am I nine? So I spin around and say "Sure! where are we filming? In your van!??"

After much reflection, I've decided that if it wasn't for alcohol, I wouldn't know how anyone hooks up. To me, it just sounds like a bunch of people walking around with no game bumping into each other once in a while.