The one night stand that didn't go away.

Have you ever gone on a bad date & thought Oh Man! why'd I agree to this? or I can tell you why you're single.... Ever think it's you?

Yes, it's true. Sometimes in your life, you're not "on". In fact you could be way off. May be you got drunk before a "sober" date. May be you got car sick & threw up on him when he helped you out of the car.... may be.. just may be you fell down a flight of stairs on your face?

Ya, I have to say the latter is what happened to me. My out-clause on this event however, is that it wasn't a date. I don't know if that makes it worse or better. You be the judge.

Many, many, many, many, many moons ago at the ripe age of 21 (so last year.. ha!), I went on the Bust Loose St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl. Ever been on one of these? A couple of hundred people meet up (generally it started at Wild Coyote), then you all pile onto school busses & you go from bar to bar to bar. It starts at 2 in the afternoon & ends a little after 8. By this time, everyone is so drunk & obnoxious that the unspeakable generally happens but thank god you were so drunk you'll never remember.

This was my first crawl and I was doing ok. I paced myself at one drink per bar which lasted for all of 1 bar. (My problem was back then I used to work at Cheers & worked every saturday night. So this was one of the rare times that I got to go out. So when I went out... I went out!!!!) I had a blast. I finally found a group of people that drank at my pace & were as mental as I was... or so I thought. My friend at the time, Sandra, had been dating this guy Mo and he was a bust loose rep & was friends with many of the others.

Anyways, the night progessed and so did my buzz. Sandra & Mo abandonned me in the bar to go home & consumate thier beer buzz no doubt. So I was left with his friend we will name Ice. Because I lived all the way out in New Westminster and we were in gastown (Hey! I've been slumming too ppl) Ice said I could crash at his place. So we decided to leave.

Have I mentioned how naïve I used to be? That I had only been in long term relationships & actually never really had "partied" before? Ya, so I really had no idea what "sure, you could crash at my place" meant. I thought this guy that I had just met was being super nice to me because I was a friend of Mo's gf... (ya, i'm an idiot)

He mentioned in the cab ride that he had some left over Penné in the fridge we could heat it up & watch sat night live.... Hey! sounds good. I could use some drunk food.

So we get back to his place on cambie and 20th. For those who don't know the area. It's a pretty residential area. A lot of homes are 3 storey with a basement that is generally rented out. Ice and his two roomates, had the entire run of the house and because he was the only male he got to claim the basement area as his own. So after re-heating some food and getting my glass of milk (I swear that is the best thing for your stomache), Ice leads us downstairs. As he goes through the hallway, he turns off the lights which makes it difficult for me to see.

He tells me to hold on until he turned the lights on at the bottom. Not a big help. The stairwell was still dark & did I mention I have been pounding drinks since 2pm? Ya, so much for balance. I bail on the second step. I headed face first down the stairs, hitting my head on every step landing in a crumpled pile at the bottom. The plate of penné had gone flying all over, the walls, the carpet, my clothes and apparently had landed in his ear too. The glass of milk, which Ice carefully put in a non-breakalble glass, broke in half as I landed directly on it with my stomache. I have yet to figure out how all of the milk got into my hair.

Ice, completely astounded, just stood there, & uttered "Are you ok"

Me "mm... not so much"
Ice: did you need to shower?

I at this point still don't know what happened to me & went to the bathroom to assess the damage. Not only do I have pasta all over my pants but I have blood on my shirt from my nose, milk in my hair & rug burn on my face.. REALLY HOT!!! So we decide... ya, it's time to clean up.

He leads me back up the death stairs, started the shower & I passed him my clothes to launder while I cleaned up.

HOLY CRAP, it was hot! I knock the shower head out of my way to adjust the temperature & resumed the bathing... As I was washing my hair I could see a couple of fingers curl around the curtain and Ice peeking around the sheet..

"What the hell are you doing?" I scream

"What the hell are you doing? My bathroom and basement is flooded!"

So apparently when I knocked the the shower head out of my way, I failed to push it against the bath wall as most people would do but instead I pushed it out over the bathroom floor which creates some nice flooding.

Not to mention that I also had no balance.

While Ice was downstairs putting my clothes in the washer he could hear me clonking all over the place & then was the water trickling through the ceiling.

He thought I had died. He thought I had gotten a concussion & that there was a bloated carcass in his tub & was peeking around the curtain to ensure that yes, I was ok.

I just thought he was a pervert.

The next day, we got hold of Sandra & Mark and we were going to go meet up for breakfast. Thank God! I needed a change of clothes as the blood didn't come out of my shirt. I also needed a hairbrush as sleeping on uncombed wet hair can make for some interesting dreadlocks.

You can imagine the horror that fell over me when I walked into the restaurant to only see a long table of about 15 of his friends sitting there, no Sandra in sight. The table fell silent as I walked to the far end to take my seat. We I had to re-count the night's previous events to the group to uproarious laughter (is that a word?)

Apparently, as I walked out of that restaurant, one of the people exclaimed "Well, we'll never see her again!"

Those are Nic's famous last words as nine years later, I've become friends with everyone at that table.

Just goes to show you... absolutely nothing. I just like that story.