The Blind date: What Your Friend Didn't Tell You.

I was just recently asked out (Everyone, Alert the Media) and I'm not too overly excited about the whole thing. I don't know if it is because I hardly know him, or if I'm not that attracted to him but there is something in the back of my head that is screaming: NO.

We should all listen to that voice. It knows what it is talking about. There has been many a time when I've agreed to go out on a date and that voice was not only screaming but dropping anchors, blowing up passage ways, hell threatening to kill itself to try & prevent me from going out with said fellow. The problem then as it is now, I think: Oh, what the hell. What's the worst that could happen?

I haven't really been able to pin point why I don't want to go out w/ the new guy. I think a lot of it is because he comes across as being very forward and over-eager. That to me doesn't seem sincere as he doesn't know me & has no idea what he is in for. But he does like to carry on somewhat about the way I look & I think that is what turns me off. I mean we all like compliments. But buddy, get over it. This just reminds me of the time that I was set up by a friend in what could be constituted as the worst set up in history.

My friend, Anne, was living with her boyfriend, Bruce who had a co-worker that she was dying for me to meet.

She would say things like:
"Oh, you'll love Grandy"
"He has such a great sense of Humour. You guys will totally get along"
"He is HILARIOUS!"

This actually carried on for a couple of months. I'm really big on things being "natural" meaning I hate the set up. You feel like a retard. You meet the person & everyone looks at you with bug eyes wondering if you approve of what they've presented for you. And generally, you don't. You wonder what your friends think of you that they think THIS is what is a good match for you.

So if I was out with Anne for drinks we'd try & drop a call to Grandy stating where we were or vice versa but for a good 2 months there were conflicting schedules. I really wish for everyone's benefit that it stayed that way.

Right after Valentines Day & a gruelling day at work, I came home & as per usual change in to my pjamas & curled up on the couch with my cat for an evening in as it was raining that evening as it does in February in Vancouver.

The phone rings, it's Anne.

"Hey! What are you doing? We're down at Lennox for a couple of drinks. You should come down. Grandy's here."

"Grandy's there? But I'm in my pjamas."

"Ya, Bruce & Grandy had a great day at work and they're celebrating"

It's probably here I should mention that they worked as stocke promoters and a great day at work means that they were able to cash in & make a good deal of money and that their day ended at 2 while it is roughly 6:30 at this point.

"Well, I have to get changed... How long are you guys going to be there?"

"We'll be here for a while.. just get down here"

So I reluctantly agreed and realized that here is the guy that Anne has been trying to set me up with for months... I have to look good! I can't JUST show up. So I hurry to the bathroom & start in on my makeup & hair when not 10 minutes go by and the phone rings again.

"Where are you?" It's Anne. I forget they are working on drunk time which expedites everything by 300%. "I'm getting ready"

"Well, we're leaving. We have to walk Casino."
"But it's been only 10 minutes!"
"Ya, but we're going to meet again at Yaletown Brew Pub at 7"

Great, this buys me some time & can make sure I have the perfect hair. Hair is very big for me. I've always wanted hair that went half way down my back. I think it would be the highest honour to be in one of those shampoo commercials & I wave my head all around while others look on with envy & swoon.

So I make it down to the Pub.. Walk in look around & don't see them. As I make my way over to the pay phone (I was the last friend to get a cell phone. I felt I didn't need one) Two drunk guys at the bar lear at me & tried to talk to them but I completely ignored them. They were creepy.

I phone Anne & find out that she'll be still a few minutes so I decide to walk back to the front & wait for them at the hostess stand. I don't want to give the creepy guys the invitation to talk to me. As I'm standing there waiting. Creepy guy number one walks up puts his arm around & says into his cell phone "Oh, We'll take care of her" Oh Help me God.. This is Grandy.

NOW... Did I ever mention how Anne described him vs what he was like in Reality?

30ish was 37 & balding
Funny was Loud & Drunk
He did play Hockey but I think to have an excuse to have beer.


Oh my God this was the guy... I was horrified. He pulls on me... "We're getting out of here he says" and takes me across the street to Cirrcolo. Now it's a really nice restaurant but I'm in jeans & this peasant top while he's in a suit. We walk in & I swear we got the nods from around the restaurant like they "know" what's going on... meaning it looked like he was the dirty old married guy & I was his young mistress... So bad.

I was trying to be a good sport as this was Bruce's friend.
Walking across the street. Grandy comments "Wow, you're hot"
"Thanks"
"Like you're really hot... What do you do besides, Looking Hot?"

"??????"

"Ya, were you a cheerleader?"
"Actually, yes, I was & I..."
"you're hot"

and it went on and on and on and on and on and on and on....

HOLY CRAP dude, have you never met a girl before? I was out with the 37 year old Virgin it was so pathetic.

Anyways, we ordered a bottle of wine. Like he needed more though. And the hot comments slowly transgressed into him making growling faces at me as though he was a Lion attempting to bit me. Quite the scene, I grabbed his cell phone & made a mad phone call to Anne.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" I ask.
"What do you mean"
"He's hammered!"
"He wasn's so bad when I was with him"
"Ya, well, somewhere between you leaving him & me meeting him, he went over the edge... GET DOWN HERE NOW!"

Anne's plan was to never come back but leave us alone.. very sneaky on her part i must say but I was about 5 minutes away from chewing off my own arm.

So Anne sent for re-inforcements. Duke showed up and shortly after him, Anne appeared...

"OH MY GOD! He's hammered"
Yes, Anne. Grandy is not just drunk but he can't form words any more. I love that I had a glass of wine from the bottle but it's now empty.

I was really missing my pjamas at this point & wanted to go home.. We decide we'll change venues... Easier said then done.

Because I'm talking to Anne, I'm neglecting Grandy and he decides that the growl isn't working any longer so he proceeds to bend over & bite my hand which makes me yelp.

OK That's it.. we're outta here. Grandy's into leaving too except he doesn't realize that he needs to pay.. He thinks we can leave... After searching through his pockets for his wallet, we tell him that he needs to pay. So every man that walks by in a suit, Grandy tries to hand the bill too.

No, that's not the Maitre'd. After about 15 minutes. We just grabbed the money out of the wallet, left the bill on the bar & left. Anne, Duke & I ditched Grandy at Opus. The last we saw he was trying to talk to one of the guys he tried handing the bill to.

I have not been back there. It's been a couple of years now but I think it would be just a bad memory. I know that Grandy is embarressed about what happened.. You think? and since then, I have not let one friend set me up again. I don't want to know what my friends would think would be a good match for me anymore.